A Year Without Breathing
by Ayata-Ayumi
Summary: He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….
1. Inhale 1

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A Year Without Breathing

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 1: Inhale **_

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_Gippal..._

_Take a deep breathe…_

_9 am _

_42 days sober._ That's hard to believe. I inhale deeply as I open my eyes to the white ceiling roof of my living room. Another night when I didn't make it to my bed. I'm not surprised. In the 3 months I've lived here, I've woken up on this couch more than my own bed. But I don't mind. Whether I wake up on the bed or the couch, my morning soundtrack is always the sounds of the beach front. Oceans, birds, and the smell of crisp fresh air. It's calming.

Almost makes it easier to stay sober. I almost fall back to sleep but my phone starts to ring. I don't remember turning back on my cell phone. So it must be the house phone. I don't feel like getting up. Don't find a reason to. So I let the answering machine get it.

Meanwhile I try to figure out why I'm up this early. I had something to do today…now what was it?

"_Hey, Gippal." _My uncle's voice says out the answering machine. _" I know you aren't sleep. You should've answered the phone and quit being lazy. Anyway, I called to remind you to pick up Rikku. She'll be at the airport by the pick up terminal by 10. So get ya butt up and go get her!"_

That's right. I do have to pick up that chick. She's staying with me for a while. Her pops died or something like that. She's a 17 year old wild child or some crap like that. But seeing what I've gone through she'll probably be a walk in the park. The social services put her in my Uncle's care but since he travels a lot in his line of work I have to be her guardian or some shit like that. That's rich. Me a parental guardian?

Good things it's only for about a year. Any longer and she'll be just like me. Lost and recovering. Uncle Rin put her in Santa Barbara High. He's seems to like this place a lot.. He put me in this ocean front beach condo on the beach my first…….. Anyway. I think its cool. Not too much commotion or distraction. But I should get showered and go pick this chick up. A 17 year old cant be good. But I agreed so I guess I should follow through.

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_11:15 am_

Almost an hour and a half late, I finally pull into the pick up terminal I know I'm late and I know Uncle Rin is going to have my ass. But I push that to the back of my mind and pull out that photo from the glove compartment. Uncle Rin gave it to me so I could recognize this chick…Rikku. I should get use to calling her Rikku. The photo is from when she was 15 but what difference can a 2 year time span make.

Okay so, taking a glimpse at the pick, I'm looking for blonde hair and green eyes with a slight tan. No big. I just have to narrow it down from all the other blondes in this damn airport. …….. Great.

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_Noon_

After what seems like eternity I narrow it down to 3. But that soon turns to two when the 3rd turns out to be a mom with 3 toddlers. But then my search finalizes when the taller of the two blondes climbs into the back of a limo. She looked like a rich preppy kid anyway. I would hate to have to live with that.

So this leaves me a blonde chick standing by a no parking sign. She has mid-back length sandy blonde hair. She's wearing a black tank and some old jeans with tears in the knees. Carrying nothing but a moss green duffle bag on her shoulder and a dark orange suitcase by her legs, she reminds me of a female me. She sat on it after a moment. Probably tired of waiting for me.

So I decide to go pull up in front of her so I could go home and sleep or something. I had one of my meetings at 7 tonight. And I didn't really feel like being out in the streets with all this……temptation. It made it easier on me. I pull up in front of her and roll down the window. She peeks into the car and I try to be friendly. So I give a nice smile or one that I can manage with my tired mood right now.

"You Rikku?" I ask.

"Yeah." She states simply.

So I tell her "Get in" and unlock my passenger door.

_**To Be Continued…….**_

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_**YAY!!! My new story! I've been itching to put this out. So I hope you enjoy this. It's a real change from ADW and ADW2 but I think you'll like it. My C&R is on hold. And I'm about to post and epilogue for ADW2 but either than that this is my new baby. I'm so excited for this debut. Tell me what you think about the concept please. R&R. Chapter 2 is on its way so be patient.**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	2. Exhale 1

**_A Year Without Breathing_**

**_He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing…._**

**_Chapter 2- Exhale_**

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_Rikku..._

…_.now let it go….._

_Earlier the same day_

The nostalgic feeling I'm suppose to feel, the sadness, is nowhere to be found. The only thing I feel as I watch my house disappear in the distance is anger. I'm 17. I don't understand why I can't stay in San Francisco and take care of myself. I'm old enough. Dad dies and I get shipped off to live with his best friend's nephew. I have to leave my friends. Everything I know and start over in Santa Barbara. Nothing good can come from this.

And my point is being proven as I sit in this damned car with this damned woman. Ever since I got in the car Mrs. Trent, my social worker, has been playing some kind of experimental classical music nonstop. And its add annoyance to my list of feelings right now. And I'm using every fiber in my being not to reach over and strangle her. I only have to put up with it until the airport anyway. So it shouldn't be so bad. 20 minutes…..20 minutes.

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_20 minutes later at the airport_

Those 20 minutes had to of been the most torturous 20 minutes of my life. I have never felt a stronger need to strangle someone than I did in that car. O was too relieved when we pulled up to the airport. But Mrs. Trent decides that she wants to go in with me. To see me off. But I was too ready to get away from her. Way too ready.

"Okay, Rikku. Here's some cash and some other things to last you for a little. It's not much." Mrs. Trent says to me. We're standing by the terminal for my flight. She hands me a brown paper bag and a small white envelope. I put both in the outside pocket of my suitcase and prayed that this plane would hurry the hell on.

-Now boarding: San Antonio to Santa Barbara-

Saved by the announcer's voice over the intercom, I smile widely. Mrs. Trent was looking the other way and I wipe my smile off before she turns around.

"Well, there's your flight." She states the fricken obvious. She hands me my plane ticket and I try my best to give her a genuine happy goodbye smile. "Now, I'll come check up on you in a week. So try your best to cope okay?"

Mrs. Trent sounds like a mother saying goodbye to her daughter that's going off to college. But I don't say anything smart and just nod. I tell her 'I'll try' and she gives me a hug. I'm just glad to be rid of her as I board the plane. It's not until I get on the plane and it takes off that I realize what bullshit I still have to face. But in my fashion, I'll take the bull by the horns and take Santa Barbara by storm.

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_9:45 am._

The plane ride didn't take long. I got on at 8 something. So it was a decent ride time. Now, as I walk into the Santa Barbara airport, its close to 10. Mrs. Trent told me to wait at the pick up on the west side of the airport. So I drag my heavy ass luggage out there and waited by a 'no parking' sign.

Now, after about 10 minutes, I got bored. SO I decided what Mrs. Trent gave me in that bag. I pull it out from my suitcase and check its contents. Inside there was some gum, a brochure on my new high school. Santa Barbara high school. From the looks of the fake and forced smiles on the front and the big ass school map on the back, it looks like a preppy bore.

Then there was a letter in there. It just said my name on a pale orange envelope. I figured I'd read it another time. And lastly, there was a photo. In the photo, I recognized Uncle Rin. He wasn't really my uncle. He was dad's best friend since childhood. I called him Uncle but we weren't related at all. He just acted like an uncle towards me.

In the photo, he stood next to what I assumed had to be the guy I was staying with. They said he was his nephew. His name was Gippal......Corvain? Yeah. I think he was Gippal Corvain. Sounds familiar. I think I may of heard it before. But I've never seen or met him. So Mrs. Trent probably gave me this so I could know what he looks like. So I decided to look closer at the photo.

They seemed happy. Standing side by side, Uncle Rin's arm draped over Gippal's shoulder, the men wore casual outfits. Gippal grinned and Uncle Rin was in a full blown smile. But something about Gippal's grin seemed off. Forced almost. I could spot those types of things. I'd been doing it for the past 3 months. Behind them I recognized an angel on a bookshelf they stood in front of. I had seen it everyday of my life. It was in my house. But why were they there? And why didn't I remember this?

I put it to the back of my mind and decided to think about it later. I put all the items up and look at my phone for the time. 10 o'clock on the dot. He should be here soon. I glanced down at my phone again and something on my charm bracelet catches my eye in the sun. The most recent charm added was the thing that caught my eye. My friends back home gave it to me as a goodbye present. A bittersweet goodbye present. It was the Japanese symbol for true. We had promised to always be true to ourselves.

The thought of not having them around was hard as hell to comprehend. I try to rebuild an already broken home and just when I get close to it; it's gone in a second. If you ask me, I think its all a load of crap. I'm going to hate it here. I already know.

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_11:15am_

I knew I was going to hate it here. This Gippal guy that was suppose to pick me up is late. An hour and 15 minutes late. I'm two seconds from hitchhiking it back to San Antonio. I already don't want to be here and I'm tired of waiting. And I'm hungry. I plopped down on my suitcase and waited. I thought it would be another hour but it seems I don't have to wait any longer. No more than 5 minutes after I plop down on the suitcase, a black Mustang GT pulls up in front of me. Now I'm not one who falls for every fast car I see. But from the custom rims, tinted windows, blue flamed side and blue neon light under the car. It's so damn sexy.

Since the windows are tinted, I can't see who it is at first but then the passenger door rolls down. A Spiky blonde hair guy with sunglasses leans over and calls out the window to me.

"Yo, You Rikku?" He asks. All I do is nod and he says "get in" then rolls up the window.

I hear the doors unlock and that's all I need to know this is Gippal. Since he doesn't help me with my bags, I have to toss them in the backseat on my own when I open the door. I get in and close the door. Before I get my seatbelt on, he drives off.. He goes a whole 10 minutes without saying anything. He manages to turn on the radio at a red light. Its low. Playing rock and alternative. I recognize the station. I listen to it all the time. But the silence is still annoying. So I decide to use the first thing on my mind as a conversation starter.

"So your Gippal, right?" I blurt out. STUPID is what comes to my mind after I say it. He glances over at me briefly and I knew he gave me a 'that's a dumb question' look. I could just feel it.

"Yea" But he doesn't say anything about my dumb question. Or anything after that for the matter.

I go another 10 minutes in this silent car and it begins to annoy me more. SO I decide to go for attempt two. We hit the freeway as a song I knew came on. I knew he might know it too since he's listening to this station, so I decide to give it a try. Plus I saw him drumming his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel

"Who's this band?" I ask. Oh I know who it is. This is one of my favorite songs of all time. But again he responds with one answer.

"C.K.Y" He says. He doesn't care to go into details.

I sighed and mumbled something that I probably shouldn't repeat. It involved this whole situation being a load of crap and a few other 'creative' word choices. He must have heard me though, because he chuckles and even mumbles 'quite a character'. It's the most I've gotten out of him. Better than nothing.

"I was supposed to do that 'make you feel at home' shit, wasn't I" He says. I don't think he's talking to me. So I just continue my gaze out the window.

"Hey kid " He says. Now he is talking to me. I look over at him as we sit at a red light. We pulled off the freeway. "I'm not your social type. I'll you that now."

"You don't like being around people?" I ask. He'll hate having a housemate if that's true.

"No." He shook his head." Its not that I don't like being around people. I'm just better off being a reticent person."

"Oh." It's all I can say. He basically just said he doesn't like to talk to people. At all. Including me. Well this relationship is starting out well.

"Don't take it the wrong way. I'm just better off that way" He explains to me. I wonder why he keeps saying 'better off'. So I ask.

"Why do you keep saying that your 'better off that way'? Better off from what?"

He looks over at me, then chuckles. It's then that another silent session continues. I let it go and enjoy the view. He doesn't like to talk and I'm pushing it. I notice that were now on a residential street. I could see a beach and an ocean behind the large mansion like beach houses.

He pulls up to a big beautiful beach house. The outside is the color of wet sand. Modern. No four pane windows. Just large windows. All big and wide. Almost wall length. But only a few on the front of the house. Not much grass. Just white gravel, sand and what not.

He pulled around to the side of the house and into the garage. I didn't realize he had opened it. I got a gorgeous view of the beach before going into the garage. It was big. Could probably fit 5 cars. He did something and the garage door closed.

"Well, here it is." He says. I expect him to say 'home sweet home' but he doesn't. Instead he takes the keys from the ignition and gets out the car. I take off my seat belt and I'm about to follow but then my door opens. He leans into the car and reaches behind me. That's the first time I get a whiff of his cologne. It sends a weird sensation through my body. I try to hide it and I think I got away because, just as soon as he reached in, he leans out with my duffle bag.

He starts to walk toward a door without another word. I got out, grabbed my suitcase, closed the door, and followed him. That's when I get a look at the interior of the house. And to say I was amazed and dazzled was an understatement. The house was bigger on the inside. If that was even possible, the outside was practically huge.

All the floors were hardwood floors. The walls were all a tan color. The kitchen had black granite counters and stainless steel appliances. And even though no lights were on the natural light from the large windows gave the house a calming feel. It had a serene feel to it. I forgot what I was doing for a second.

"Hey, Kid. You want to get a room or not?" I hear Gippal call from somewhere in the house. I remember what's going on and follow the sound.

It leads me to the front foyer. And to a pair of modern yet wooden staircase. It had a then wire like rail with a big black rail over all those. It was actually one flight broken into 2 6 step sections. Going along the wall. And it fit the house beautifully. And at the base was Gippal. He had my duffle bag over his shoulder and was leaning against the wall.

"Go up and choose which room you want. Mine is the one in the very back of the hall on the right." He tells me. I nod and head up the steps, I start to struggle with the suitcase and he takes that for me too.

Down this long narrow hall was a chocolate colored rollout carpet down the wooden floored hall. Only accents to go with this rug were an end table at the end of the hall in front of another large window. It had a plant and photo on the end table. I was close enough to see the photo but I didn't mind. Going down the hall, I didn't like the first two rooms I see. But as I set my sights on the next room, I knew it was mine. The calm brown walls called my name. The dark wooden furniture wasn't the exact color of the hardwood floor but it was still perfect. The bed spread was a green color that seemed to match the brown. And there was another two doors that probably led to my bathroom and my closet.

I walked in and there was a present on the dark brown L shaped desk in the corner. Wrapped in black wrapping paper with a big blue bow, it was quite appealing. A blue envelope to match lay against it. I walked over and pinked up the envelope and it said my name on it. I almost forgot Gippal was in the room too until I heard my suitcase and duffle bag being put down on the floor. I  
turn and see him stand back up. He lets out a sigh before talking.

"Alright, well I'll let you get settled. If you need me I'm in my room." He says scratching the back of his head. I nod and he leaves. I hear his bedroom door open and close. When I go to close my door I realize something. I chose the room right across from him. I'm at the end of the hall too. I wonder if he noticed that too. … Oh well. I go back to my desk and look into those presents.

I open them to reveal a gift card to hot topic and Wal-Mart for 1000 dollars each. A welcome present from Uncle Rin. But the best part was the big box. It was a brand new HP xw9400. I didn't know what the difference in the names was about but it was fucking awesome. And I couldn't wait to hook it up. Okay maybe this wont be so bad. I can finally let that breathe I was holding since I left San Antonio go. I just have to let it go and relax…..

…_..now let it go………._

_**TO BE CONTINUED….**_

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_**That was chap. 2. I'm so excited about this story!! I am planning to work on chap. 3 this weekend. I hoped you like this one. Tell me what you think. In the next one, I want to get into more of the characters issues and Rikku and Gippal's relationship. So keep up with it. You never know when it'll come. I hope to get the epilogue out for my other story out soon too. R & R please.**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	3. Inhale 2

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Before I start this chapter, I would like to acknowledge and thank all my reviewing readers. (This is starting from the very first chap.)**_

_**Silverwing- You'll have to thank your friend for me. And I am glad that you're enjoying my stories. I enjoy making them just as you enjoy reading them.**_

_**Dreamer- thank you.**_

_**Michelle- I'm glad you enjoy my stories so much. And don't worry, I write many Gippal/ Rikku fics. Out of all of FFX-2, they are my absolute favorite couple. I just have such a vibe when I write fics about them.**_

_**Tinuel- I know, you like many readers hate that you have to wait so long but I'm glad you see why I put C&R on hold. I don't want to ruin two great story concepts by trying to keep a vibe for both at the same time. And I'll try my best to give you that feel for the characters. The mystery of Rikku will unfold in due time. Be patient.**_

_**Ellai- Thank you for your support and good wishes.. I do appreciate it. **_

_**Chapter 3- Inhale**_

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_Gippal..._

_Take it in slowly..._

_7:15 pm_

Every evening on Tuesdays and Thursdays it starts the same. The same place. The same time. The same people. Sometimes new people come but it's a small knit group. And every evening I sit in this chair and start off the same when they get to me.

"Hi. My name is Gippal and I'm an addict"

I tell them how I'm doing so far. I tell them about the cravings and the hard sleepless nights. I tell them how my problems are affecting me. And although it's supposed to help me, I don't feel a damn change in shit. Only thing it does is make me shittier about myself. It reminds me of what I had...still have. And how I can't control my own damn life.

This makes me think about the girl that's been living with me. If I can't control my own life, how can I help hers? In any way. It's been about two weeks since she arrived. I barely talk to her but she seems to have taken an interest in me. And I think I know why. Because in the same time period, I suddenly couldn't stop thinking about her. And up until then I could care less. But it all change Friday evening…

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_It was around 11:40 pm._

Like always, I couldn't sleep because of the shakes or some reason unknown to me. Most likely because of my drug free, involuntary cold turkey. I was hot that night. This is a subtle change from my cold shakes at night. So I decided to go down to the kitchen and grab a cold bottle of water. It wouldn't help me sleep at all but I should at least cool myself down. It would soothe one of my many problems.

As I came downstairs I heard her in the kitchen. I didn't realize she'd be up this late but I didn't care. I never passed out until at least 4 in the morning. As I came in the kitchen, the cold tile floor felt like relief to my bare feet. They were just as hot as the rest of my body. I sighed at the immediate relief, which must have given hint to Rikku that someone was in the room either than herself. I hear her breath catch in her throat and her body stiffens at the refrigerator that she was rummaging through.

"Sorry..." I begin to say coming up to the fridge beside her. "Didn't mean to scare you"

"No, you didn't scare you. Was I making a lot of noise down here?" She asked. She moved out the way and I reached in the fridge and grabbed a tall bottle of water.

I didn't respond. I just shook my head and popped open the bottle. I took a long gulp but it did little to help my heated body. I ran a hand through my hair and felt how damp it was. I sighed and ran my hand over my face.

"Are you alright? You don't look so cool." She asked me. She hit the nail on the head, metaphorically speaking.

"No. I'm not cool actually. I'm hot as hell." I told her honestly. It's probably the longest response she's gotten from me in awhile. Since the airport probably. I expect her to ask if I was sick or something. Then offer to get me some medicine, like my past girlfriends used to do. But she surprised me with her response.

"Sit down. I'll make you a bowl of ice cream." She told me. She may have tried to make it an offer. But it sounded more like a command. But I obliged nonchalantly, sitting at the big island in the kitchen. I set my water bottle on the black granite counter top.

"What flavor do you want? Strawberry or cookies and cream?" She asked me. The offer surprised me because just as she offered, I had thought that it would be great to have a bowl of ice cream for the heat.

"Strawberry." I said. She didn't ask anything after that. I just watched her make two bowls of ice cream. It probably didn't take more than 10 minutes but when she set that bowl in front of me and I took a scoop of it, I felt I had been waiting for eternity. It hit the spot just right. Rikku sat next to me at the island and ate her bowl of ice cream. It was silence between us.

"So how do you feel now? Feel any better?" She asked me after a few moments of silence. But in those few minutes, I went from steaming hot to cool and soothed.

"Better. Thanks." I told her. I didn't say anything after that and I sighed. I don't know why, but it just came out.

"You know sighing so much can make you shrink." She said, surprising me for the second time that night. It wasn't her talking. It was how absurd the comment was itself.

I could help but laugh at the comment. The things kids thought of these days was hilarious. But I didn't respond. I just kept eating my ice cream.

"You know that was my 2nd best conversation starter. You could at least give me a little response." She said. I decided that I would let her have an inch.

"I'd hate to hear your first." I said glancing at her. She looked up at me and smiled. And I asked "what?"

"That was my first." She giggled. Her giggle is cute. The thought shocked me. Gave me an urge…a feeling. Calming and pleasant. I couldn't help but chuckle back and grin. I looked away from her and went back to eating my ice cream.

"You know I have some theories." She says after another short silence period. I chuckle again. She was really trying her best tonight.

"Was that your third best?" I asked her.

"No." She giggled. "That was me saying that I have some theories." I thought about not responding but she'd talk anyway. Since I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. I decided to kill some time and talk with her for once.

"About what?" I asked her.

"You." The word was said nonchalantly but sent chills down my spine. When people asked about me, I never had anything good to tell them. So who knows what her theories will conjure up?

"You don't say…" I began. Part of me didn't want to hear, but another part… "Theories like what?"

"Well, they aren't really formed out well. So I wanted to ask you some things." She told me. I regretted coming downstairs at that exact moment. But there was no turning back now. She was going to find out sooner or later……but maybe I could stall.

"Well, depending on the question, I may answer." I said to her. That way I could control her theories as much as possible.

"Really?" Her eyes lit up. She probably wasn't expecting me to agree. It was like I had given her a present. "Great."

"But the limit is 20." I added.

"What? That's not fair." I had her where I wanted her.

"Yes it is. Here's the deal" I started; I pushed away my bowl and turned to her in my stool. "In 20 questions, if you don't guess right about me, then you never ask again."

That would put her at a distance with how close she could come to guessing about me. A distance from hating me. A long enough distance to get to know her. Because I don't know why but suddenly, I began to enjoy having her around...a lot. But little did I know she was just as good at bargaining.

"Fine. But I have a condition too." She told me. She didn't wait for me to respond. "If you refuse to answer the question, it doesn't count against my 20. AND if I guess right then…."

"Then what?" I asked not patient enough for her pause.

"Then….I don't know. I get to chose something I want." She said. She put out her hand and with a cocky grin, because I knew I would win, I shook her hand in agreement. There was no way she would get anywhere close.

----

But now I'm not so confident. I just came home and when I came into the house it was quiet. Almost quiet. I heard a faint noise. The sound of music. No one was downstairs so it must have been coming from upstairs. Most likely it's from Rikku's room. I've come home on more than one occasion and have heard music. It's never the same music. She plays R&B, rock, pop, and country all the time. I mostly sit and my room and listen to her room. I like the music she plays.

But this weekend, following the deal we made, her rooms been quiet. So I'm a little surprised to hear music. She hasn't asked me many questions either. I think I had something to do with it. Her very first question was 'why are you in this quiet beach house in Santa Barbara?". I simply said 'next' telling her that's not one I'm going to answer. She complained and said that was the easiest one and I countered that it was too personal for me. She pouted and tried to rephrase the question 3 different times. Like I was dumb enough to fall for that. I'm an addict, not an idiot.

I knew she was trying to take the easy route and get as many hints as possible. She must be use to people being readable. But not me. I won't give her the satisfaction. In fact, I plan to make her sweat quite a bit. …Man, which way should I think of that sentence. Which positions? I grin at the thought as I go to the fridge and look for some liquor. But I know I shouldn't get involved with her like that. I just can't help it though. From day one, I thought she was attractive. And ever since Friday, she's been on my mind a lot more. A whole lot more.

I notice in the midst of my thought, that I was missing some beers. A lot actually. I knew she was a hand full, Uncle Rin had warned me, but she was taking my beers. I should do the parental thing and talk to her about not drinking and being responsible. I chuckle at the thought. I take a beer and head upstairs. This should be funny to hear myself do. But I did feel a tinge of uncertainty. If I try and talk to her about it, it'll lead me to reveal a question to her. And I can only dodge so many. But then it hits me.

I'm going to do something so out of my ordinary, or new found ordinary, to throw her astray. To delay the inevitable, if not for a few moments. I think I'll take a trip back to the old Gippal and give her what she's been asking for. A glimpse of the old me. The me she doesn't know. The me that's craving for her suddenly. The me that will have her so damn confused she forgets what the hell she was looking for. Yeah. That sounds like a good plan. So as I approach her door, I take a sip of the beer I got and take a deep breath.

It comes slowly. I need it too. I'm about to go against what is right and do what the fuck I want. I'm flipping the script. Reverting back to the old me. The one that she has never seen. And sure as hell ain't ready for.

_Take it in slowly………_

_**To Be Continued….**_

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_**Okay sorry for the wait. I tried to give you a look at Gippal's thoughts. I want to show you the inside of his mind and give you a feel for him as many readers like to have a connection to the characters. So I hope you have a good vibe so far and I'll do my best as an author to enhance that. Please keep reading and tell me what you thought of this chapter. I think, I may not reveal so much of Gippal's past so soon, but I plan on bringing in other characters to give you a real look. Lets just say this house is going to turn into quite the 'Sober House' in the next 3 to 4 chapters. So thanks again to the reviewers I mentioned earlier and keep reviewing. Reviews are love. Love me?**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	4. Exhale 2

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 4- Exhale**_

_**---**_

_Rikku…._

_Let it ease out…._

_11:23pm_

"Number 19. Almost done." I say to myself as I type the last bit of #18 down on the newly assembled computer. Gippal did it this Saturday. I watched him and was amazed at how fast he did it compared to my 9 hour attempt. He seems to be growing fond of me. Well at least I think so. He actually talked with me that night. Even if it was a brief conversation. I saw him that night, how hot he was. Not physically but literally. He reminded me of my mom….. When she got like that, she'd want me to make her ice cream. Like I did for him that night. And afterward she'd be better.

But I never knew why she'd be like that. I knew she was…...sick….or at least that's what daddy told me. But Gippal he's different. I can feel it. Maybe I'm wrong but something in his eyes draws me to him. Makes me want to know more. Which is why I was thrilled he agreed to our little game. But that thrill soon turned to frustration. The first day I had 3 questions lined up. The first one was 'why are you in this quiet beach house in Santa Barbara?' Of course being reticent as he was he told me 'next?' I fussed that that was the easiest one and he simply said that he wasn't going to answer that one. Which he was aloud to do. But it still made me frustrated.

I held myself up in my room for the past 2 to 3 days working on my questions. Ones that he couldn't possibly avoid. I had gotten to 12 earlier this evening and decided I needed a drink. So I went a got a few beers. Okay….6 beers. And I was now on 7. I was tipsy and I was having a hard time thinking out my questions. So I saved my draft in word and turned to hit the power button off but my elbow knocked over a few of the empty beer bottles, causing a domino effect. I quietly cursed to myself as I threw them in my waste bin.

Though I had my usually music routine playing on the stereo that I got, I heard a knock come to my door. It was subtle but I heard it just fine. I knew who it was; we are the only two in this house, so it had to be Gippal. I turned off the screen to the computer and went to turn the music down a little. He knocked again, but just when I went to get it, he let himself in.

"Hey, you still up?" He said. He seemed tired, yet had a nonchalant feel to his walk as he came in.

"Yea, I was working on something." I told him. He walked over to my desk as I closed my door.

"Was it emptying my fridge of my beer?" He said. At first i thought he was mad, but when I turned he was sitting at my desk grinning at me.

"I felt like a drink." I said as innocently as i could. But my hole practically broke when a dirty thought came into my mind. The cause was the site of Gippal leaning back in the chair looking devilishly sexy. He took a sip of the beer and licked his lips. I'd love to be the one licking those sexy pinkish lips. It was almost his skin tone actually. Not pink. Tan.

"Well next time you feel like a drink, Ms.17-year-old, don't choose my beer." He said his attempt at sounding serious failing. I grinned and rolled my eyes at him. I made no promises. I went to the desk and took my current beer. I had a sip and leaned against the desk in front of him.

"SO what brings you here?" I asked him. He shrugged as he had begun to twirl one of the old beer bottle caps.

"What were you working on?" He asked. I decided to give him the same response he gave me. He chuckled at the gesture.

I went over by the bed and sat down my beer on the nightstand. Then I flopped right down on my stomach. I reached back behind me and got one of my big fluffy pillows. As I set my head on the soft cool cotton, I sigh contently.

"Stuff." I told him.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked me any questions." He said after a moment.

I rolled onto my back and looked at him through half closed lids. He had a strange look in his eyes. Made a sensation slowly occur in my stomach. He licked his lips and I looked away.

"Well SOMEONE wanted to say no to the very first question, so I had to work on them." I told him. He chuckled.

"OH." He finished chuckling but I heard the smile in his voice. "That's why you've been locked up in here."

Now he was just making small talk. I stretched and yawned. Liquor made me sleepy and its normal effects are starting to wear on me. I could almost barely keep my eyes open. The room went quiet for a second before he broke it.

"I have a theory." He said.

No he didn't. He was using my ice breaker. I would've been mad but when I looked at him, he gave a dazzling smile that made me want to play along.

"A theory about what?" I asked him.

"You." what a shocker.

"Any developments in this theory?"

"Yeah, but I don't know if I'm ready to bring it to a conclusion yet. I think further investigation is needed." He chuckled. He had been chuckling a lot lately.

"So now you want to ask questions?" I pondered.

"Nope." He said without hesitation. " I have more fun imagining than you giving me answers."

I waited for him to say something else, but as my eyes closed i heard another sound. He was suddenly out of the chair and the bed went down beside me. He was lying beside me. I could feel his body heat. He was close. I didn't open my eyes. Nor did I tell him to get out of bed. Or my room. I found myself enjoying the scent of him. His cologne. His breathing was quiet but I still heard it.

"I'd prefer if you let me have my fun imagining." He said. But it sounded so naughty to my ears.

"It's almost midnight." I said to him. I opened my eyes to find him grinning. A sexy grin. The change of subject was to bring my mind out of the gutter. "Why are you in here instead of asleep?"

He shrugged again. He seemed to like using that response for everything. I didn't expect him to answer anyway. I sighed in defeat. But then he surprised me with an answer.

"For the company, I guess." He sighed.

"You wanted company in the middle of the night?" I questioned his excuse. It seemed fishy but something about the way he said it made me believe him. "You know many people SLEEP this time of day."

"I don't sleep much anyway." He told me.

"Oh, please" I snorted. "Your in your room when I leave in the morning and still there when I get back at 3"

"Doesn't mean I'm asleep." He corrected me.

"What in the hell would you do for like 8 hours in there?" I questioned him. I was skeptical now, but learning a little at a time.

But he didn't respond. So I thought out loud to fill the silence. "So you don't sleep. You stay in your room all day. You disappear every Tuesdays and Thursdays. You come to a 17-year-old's room in the middle of the night..." I paused to look at him for a moment to throw him off with a weird conclusion. "I'd say you were a double secret agent or alien or something with a thing for under aged girls."

He chuckled. Once again, no response was given. Just adding to the mystery that is him. I noticed his eyes briefly scan my body before returning to my face. This man, who I haven't known more than 2 weeks, is in my bed in the middle of the night, and I'm not saying anything about it. I feel so at ease near him and so comfortable.

"No that's not it." He finally said after a few more moments of silence. "I just like the idea of having company across the hall instead of having to go out for it."

"Oh, so your here to talk?" I asked. I was hoping he'd say no and we'd start making out but.......

He found it amusing. He grinned, which made me grinned. For a moment we looked at each other but then that look came back and I closed my eyes to rest.

"You want me to leave?" He asked me. And then a strange feeling came over me. I couldn't put a finger on it but it was caused by the idea of him leaving. I didn't want to sound desperate because he was a mystery man in my bed. But I wanted him there. By me. I reached behind me and found a second pillow. I tossed it in his direction and I heard him catch it.

"You want company? You got it." I said. He chuckled then it was another period of silence as he lay down beside me and I began to fall asleep.

"A penny?" He finally and broke the silence.

"For what?" I was confused. I yawned and turned on the side he was on.

"Your thoughts." He told me. "First coming here, did you hate it?"

"Kind of" I said. I didn't know if it was above a whisper. He sighed.

"Do you hate it here now?" He asked me. I had to think about it. I didn't hate this part at all. But it could change. I don't even know him. He could be something horrible but....

"I'd have to get back to you on that." I said. After that the quiet wasn't broken again. We laid there. In silence. But it was comfortable. Comfortable company. I haven't had that in a while. I fell asleep soon after fully at ease.

---

I awoke to find an empty bed. Normally this would be okay. I wouldn't of thought anything about it. But normally I don't fall asleep with my 21 year old housemate in it. So I get up and just as I was about to get dressed for school, I remember I don't have school today. A teacher work day or some crap. So I decided to shower and change into some clean shorts and a brown tank. I was in the midst of drying my hair when I realized I hadn't heard a thing this morning. This normally wouldn't bother me. But last night he said he didn't sleep while I wasn't here. So what did he do?

Deciding to let my curiosity get the best of me, I went across the hall to his closed bedroom door. I put my ear to the dark mahogany wood but no sound comes from his room. Not the slightest sound. I decided to take a chance and peek in. I slowly turned the doorknob and prayed that this door didn't squeak. And thankfully it didn't.

I got my very first look at his room. And what I saw surprised me. Although any clue of his personality would surprise me. His walls were a warm tan color. Almost creamy brown. His walls had ceiling to floor stocked bookshelves. 1 0r 2 posters. His floor to ceiling wall length window was where his desk was. An exact replica of mine. Computer and all. He had wood floors to match the rest of the house. But he had a brown and blue squared area rug under his bed. This is where I found him.

In a light mahogany brown sleigh bed was Gippal. A blue bed set covered his lower half. Nothing was on his upper half. All there was were two black band arm tattoos. On his upper arms. Other than that, his beautifully sculpted body was free for my eyes to appreciate. Which they did gladly. I don't know how he could be so built but still not go out of his room. I didn't see any gym equipment. And I haven't found a gym in this beach house yet.

I pushed the thought to the back of my head. I wanted to see how far I could go with my curiosity and thief like stealth skills. A gift from my mother. So I made my way to his bed. I spotted a book or something on the nightstand and wanted to see what it was.

But as I reached his bed, I just happened to step on the one floorboard that had the slightest squeak. But that squeak was enough to make him stir. This man slept really light. I did my first instinct and ducked. But it seemed that he didn't wake from his slumber. He only shifted slightly. I sat Indian style on the floor and carefully slid the book off the nightstand.

And it was what I saw that made me gasp. It was what I saw that made him finally stir and wake up. It was what I saw that made me stop breathing for a second. Taking me back in time to about a few months before daddy died. A moment I wanted to forget and leave behind me. But it was here in the form of my housemate. The one I was beginning to have a crush on. The one who I thought was this mysterious, sexy, mature, bad boy. But it was what I saw that broke that image….or maybe it made it true. All too real.

_DAY BY DAY: THE PERSONAL HELP GUIDE FOR THE RECOVERING ADDICT_

Okay…..its okay….Just let that deep breath ease out…..breathe….

* * *

_**Okay that was chapter ….4? I apologize for the weight. I recently started an anime club at my school and along with school, it's hectic. But only 2 months until c&R beings again. SO stay with me as I work on this story. R&R.**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	5. Inhale 3

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 5: Inhale **_

_**----**_

_Gippal…_

_Breathe Slowly…._

When I saw her, I thought I was still dreaming. It could've been. Before the unknown cause of my awakening, I was in the most blissful…erotic dream I've had in quite some time. It would've made the old me wake and be horny and ready for the next chick of the night. But being the lost person I am now, I wake up and feel empty, disappointed and longing. Longing to awake and have the mistress of my dreams filling my arms in bed. But instead I find her sitting on the floor by my bed with the look you get when you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

And the very first thought was that she was the angelic resemblance of the mistress in my dreams. Eyes sparkling like green emeralds in the sun after a fresh polishing. Her hair so bright and blonde that it gave the sun a run for its money. Skin so perfect yet matching perfectly with its own imperfections. And those lips. So pink and delectable that I could practically taste them. She was an angel. An angel my dark past held me back from touching. I was too stained to stand by her. I may stain her perfection. Yeah she was an angel alright.

But then my second thought brought me out of her heavenly eyes and to her hands. And it took me a moment to fully comprehend the situation at hand. But one key component brought me to full awareness. Cradled against her chest in her delicate little hands was the book Uncle Rin gave me. He tried to make it a subtle gift but the message was clear.

And it was sitting on my shelf since. Until last night, when I decided to take a chance and read it. I didn't get far and put it on the nightstand. This is where I left it while I slept. And in her arms is where I find it now. Isn't this great?

I panicked but I didn't let it show. In my mind I could only ask why the heavens hated me so. Was it because of the skeletons in my dark closet past? Or were they just playing with my emotions for fun? Whatever the reason, all I could do now was wait for her response to her discovery. I expect her to be disgusted like the past relationships I tried after my 3rd relapse. Now in the 5th one, I'm well prepared to take the consequences and build even higher walls than the ones I have up now. I only need the cue…. But it never came. The only thing she said when I sat up on my elbows was...

"Hi." It was so simple but she held all my anxiety on a string, ready to cut at any moment.

"Hey….what are you doing in here?" I asked. It sounded dumbfounded but I wasn't trying to go into detail unless she gave me the cue. I would ride this out for as long as I could. Need to know basis is what she would stay on if I had any say in it.

"I…." She hesitated. That's not a good sign. " I…was….going to come and ask you to the beach." She smiled but I wasn't buying it but I decided to play along.

"The beach?" I raised an eyebrow as so to call her bluff. But she composed her face and challenged me right back.

"Yeah. It's such a great day out and I remembered how you wanted company so I thought I'd come in here and ask you out with me. I mean I have the day off and your not busy…"

"Did you also remember the fact that I sleep during the day?" I reminded her. She and I both glanced at the clock. She probably saw that it was about 9:45 in the morning. But I saw that it had been 3 hours since I had fallen asleep and about 4 hours left of potential sleep.

"So is that a 'no'?" She asked. An innocent look came upon her face that made me horny as hell. And that made me long to pull her into my arms. So I returned with a grin.

"No. It means I'm tired and the beach requires a lot of energy on my part." I sighed. I sat up, tossing the cover off my already heating body. My stomach disagreed with the sudden moment. I felt queasy but I knew it would pass soon. I had this feeling often but every time I rushed to the toilet or trash all I did was heave up air. Then it occurred to me. Some fresh air would do me good. And I could get in some time with Rikku before she registered what I was and kept her distance, or I pushed her away and made her keep her distance.

"Fine." I sighed before she could protest my last remark. "I'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes." She smiled and began to leave but I added something just to make her know that I wasn't planning on letting her get off for sneaking in my room and finding that book.

"Leave the book. And don't sneak in my room while I'm sleep. Next time I'll tackle your ass." Okay maybe it wasn't a threat or anything but the dazzling smile she gave me made my day a little better.

---

I came out in a pair of khaki shorts and a black tank. The fresh breeze soothed my burning skin immediately. My eyes took in the beautiful serene look of the beach only momentarily. The next moment they were otherwise distracted by the angel in the blue bikini with the white diagonal stripes. She had her back to me with her hands clasped behind her back. She rocked on the balls of her feet and back to her heels. In thought. It was the most beautiful sight I've seen.

Her silhouette was enough for me. I didn't need to see the details of her form. But when she turned I was welcomed by a warm smile. It took me a moment to tell my feet to move but finally I reached her side and she smiled up at me. Only briefly, did I see her eyes look into mine with desire and in that moment I returned it. We turned away awkwardly and let the ocean and seagulls be our soundtrack for a few moments. Then she sighed and broke the silence.

"See, it's not so bad. I love the beach." She said. She closed her eyes and took a deep breathe.

"It's okay." I say nonchalantly as I shrug my shoulders. But actually, it was quite refreshing. Living by the beach, I can smell it through an open window. But I've never been out on the beach and coming out here, especially with her, feels like heaven. Nothing could beat the feeling I had at this moment. This serene comfort I got when I was around her.

Strange how this girl affected me. She has me breaking all my rules. Going out of my normal routine. Going in her room at night just for her company, for that feeling she gave me. Going on the beach. And to think it all started over a bowl of strawberry ice-cream. I turned my head away from her, hiding my smirk.

"Well, Come on." She said, bringing my attention back to her and out of my thoughts. She took my hand in hers. My masculine hands were so much bigger in contrast to her small delicate feminine ones.

"Where are we going?" I asked. I thought we were going to hang out and sit on the beach. I didn't have much energy for anything more.

"For a walk on the beach." She said.

"I don't think I have enough energy for that. You did wake me up during my sleeping time." I say. She tries to tug me a little but I stand my ground.

"The walk will wake you up." She says tugging a little harder. It's been a while since I've had to use my muscles for something but it was so easy to pull her towards me.

"I've been awake for 16 hours. I want to rest." I counter.

"Well, it's not about what you want. " For a 5'6' 17-year-old girl, she didn't have that much of a hard time tugging my 6'2' medium build body out of my spot and with her. Eventually she didn't have to tug me along and I walked willingly with her.

We walked the length of this long ass beach. She and I talked about random things. Favorites, dislikes. She told me about funny moments and a few concert moments with celebrities. I refrained from telling her a lot about myself. She tried asking questions about my past but I would only change the subject. She talked about how much she wanted a pet and how she used to have a pet yorkie named 'Mouse'. She called it mouse because it was so small. But it ran away one day when she didn't close the back gate.

We ended up on a bay of large rocks on the end of the beach down under an area of ferns and what not. She was closer to the ocean than I was. I sat on a rock near the ferns. She walked in the low tides and jumped back when large tides splashed over her legs. I couldn't help but smile at the sight.

She and I had decided that we didn't have to talk. Well, I decided. Don't get me wrong. I love hearing her voice but she kept trying to find out about me. And once we were on the rocks I decided to lay back on the flat surface of the large rock and not answer her questions.

She got annoyed and decided to play in the tides. She was childish in some ways but something about her told me she'd seen more than a person of 17 years should. I decided to look into it more but later on.

"Aren't you ready to go in?" I call out to her. My eyes are closed, and my arm was over my eyes. I tried to block out the bright noon sun.

"No, maybe in a little bit. I'm having fun just being out here with – "But then her sentence cuts off abruptly with a high-pitched squeal. I jolt up and I don't see her. All I see is the big ass rocks. I panic for a moment. Worried she was injured was my main panic. And then my fear is realized when I hear a groan from somewhere in the area she was last time I saw her.

"Kid, you okay?" I call out as I hop off the rock and jogged to her groans. But

My panic level goes down when I find her.

----

"Ow…" Rikku groans for the 10th time since I began our trip back to the house. She on my back with her arms wrapped around my neck and my hands supporting her legs from under the knees. I would've been even more annoyed by her complaining than I was if it wasn't for the softness of her breast against the contrast of my hard back. She was the second girl I'd ever given a piggy back to. And the last. Only if it wasn't her though. She hasn't stopped complaining yet, which is why I'm relieved when we reach the back porch. I jog up the steps, coaxing more groans and 'ouch's from her, and enter the house through the back door. I put her on the half wall's landing and go into the kitchen and get the first aid kit...

"Owwww…." She whines again.

"Man up and stop whining." I tell her, I was half annoyed and half teasing. I came in with the kit and see her examining the many scrapes on the side of her leg. I sigh and decided that she could whine a little, it did look like it hurt. But I go over there and proceeded to clean her scrapes on her calf.

" Ow…Easy for you to say, you don't have a bunch of stinging scrapes on your leg." She says. Her voice is in a pout tone almost. It's sexy.

"Oh please, I had much worse than this when I was –"I begin to say but then I remember the past and it brings a depressing feeling to me. To remember the feeling boxing gave me and how I threw it away because……and that last fight where…..

"When what?" Rikku asks bringing my attention back to her. I had momentarily paused my movements.

"Nothing..." I say as I continue to clean her leg. I apply some band-aids and continue up her leg to a spot above her knee, never making eye contact.

"When you were boxing?" She asks and my hands freeze, but only for a second. I catch myself and try and play it off.

"And how do you know I use to box?" I ask her.

"I googled you" She said. And that got me. I looked at her and grinned. She seemed nervous so I took it as a chance to toy with her. I don't know how the hell she thought she could find my whole life story on Google. But I didn't like the possibility that she could. And the thought that she'd be disgusted and I'd be back behind the wall that had slowly began to lift.

"You googled me? Really? And what else on Google did you find?" I asked as I leaned in closer to her.

"Um..." She stuttered. My lips were inches from hers and I looked her square in the eyes.

"Your whole name is Gippal Arson Corvain. Your 21."

"That's what everybody knows. Give me something deeper." I say. I decided to take toying with her a little further and let my hand caress her soft skin. On the leg that wasn't scraped.

"Y-you never graduated college. You are a world famous boxer. "She breathed, her eyes fluttering shut. " You're an orphan and have no siblings."

I inch in between her legs and brush my lips against hers. "Give me something harder. Come on, baby. I know that's not your best."

"You lost a fight and suddenly disappeared from the spotlight. But no one knew why. But I think I do." She said, trying to calm her breathing as my hand went to her waist and fitted her to me.

"Really now? Do tell." I whisper brushing my lips against hers again. She takes in a shaky breathe and her body unconsciously leans into me.

" I-Its actually a theory" She sighed as I linger my lips near hers and I chuckled. " I wasn't sure at first but now I'm positive."

" Of what?" I can't help but brushing our lips again. This time I steal a quick kiss. Her lips are lick intoxicating rose petals.

"That the cause of your random sleeping behavior, sudden changes in body temperature, why you don't go out much," She listed between the tiny kisses I was stealing " You don't eat much either, maybe because you can't keep it down. And now I'm sure why…"

She knew. It was only a matter of time. She'd either push me away or I'd have to build my walls higher and push her out, either way this had to end. She'd be disgusted anyway. I knew she was too good to be true. I let my walls crumble a little and she already knows too much. I just want a few more kisses then I'll end this.

"And…..your…conclusion…about…this theory…..is?" I say between kisses. They weren't as light as the ones before but not as deep as I wanted to go either. I paused for her to answer, not to far from her lips.

"Well, before this day, it was a secret agent or something but then I found the book….." She murmured against my lips. The time had come. So I sighed and got one more kiss before backing away.

"And the verdict now?" I asked. She didn't respond for a few minutes. This was the most painful of all. The silence held the silent serenade to this inevitable end of our yearning yet complicated relationship. I think in someway the silence was her answer. The unvoiced words telling me she knew what I was. But also a moment for me to prepare for her impending questions.

"How long?" She finally asked breaking the deafening silence. I had already decided to indulge her and answer her questions. Then be rejected later. At least then everything would be out in the open. Well for the most part at least.

"About…..6 years." I say as I back away further and lean on the back of the couch that signaled the beginning of the living room. I folded my arms over my chest and looked at her. Scanning her body briefly. Her nipples peaked under her bikini top. And her cheeks were flushed. A sexy ass sight. I could do her on that damn landing but that time has passed. Its too late.

"On what….? I mean like what's-?" She began to stumble over her words but I knew what she was trying to ask.

"My drug of choice?" I finished the question for her. I avoided eye contact this time. Letting my sight take refuge in the sight of the ocean and beach. The water glittering from the afternoon sun. She didn't say anything so I took it as an opportunity to continue.

Only I began slowly. It was hard saying this outside of my addicts anonymous meetings.

" My drug of choice….in the beginning didn't exist to me. I would smoke some pot every now and then with some friends but nothing too serious. Then one night at a party I met this girl and we started hanging out…" I paused. It was like I could see my life unfolding in front of me as I spoke. " We went out for a month or two when she talked me into trying some…coke one night. And after that we did it every now and then ….but it was one night in my freshmen year of college that she introduced me to my drug of choice."

' Which is?" She was definitely intrigued.

" Heroin." I stated it so simply but it held so many emotions that she'd never know. I looked back at her and she was fiddling with her fingers in her lap. That's when I remembered her leg. I was too 'distracted' that I didn't finish. SO I walked up to her and got the anti bacterial wiped. She flinched for a moment when I continued with the dressing of her last 2 scrapes.

She was quiet as I finished her leg. I bandaged it all and began putting up the first aid kit. She was still quiet as I put it back in the kitchen. But asked another question when I closed the cabinet door.

" How does it feel? I mean like what's it like?" She asked me. Her voice a whisper. I smirked at her shyness and took it as another chance to toy with her and get a few more touches in. So I walk up behind her and let my. Finger tips graze the exposed skin of her back. She drew in a shaky breathe as I began to talk.

" You know that euphoric feeling you get after an amazing orgasm?" I whispered to her, leaning near her ear and nibbling it briefly. She tried to suppress a moan as her body again leaned into me. I let my fingers slip around to her stomach and her stomach muscles contracted to my touch. Such a turn on but I told myself not to get carried away.

" What about it?" She breathed out shakily.

" Imagine a feeling like that but…10 times more potent." I wanted to cup her breast but decided against it. I could feel her heart pounding as I finished. I backed away before she pulled me in.

"I should show you the less potent version some day" I whisper, I don't know if she heard me. I made my way to the hall that led to the stairs.

" Where are you going? " She asked me just recovering.

" Bed. I'm tired. You woke me up. And I only got 3 hours of sleep." I stated simply then headed upstairs.

----

I was in one of those comfortable sleeps, well as comfortable as you can get with the shakes and freezing body temps. I dreamt of her again. Caressing her. Loving her. Then I felt the bed go down. I was too comfortable to move or anything. But I think I managed to say ' what are you doing here?' because I heard her respond 'I came to give you company.

And then I think I said something like 'give me some heat because she got under the cover and snuggled close to my back. She draped her arm over my waist and I felt so warm. I couldn't stay conscious any longer and fell into a deep sleep.

And I only dreamt about her. Only her. And I had to take a deep breathe because she was going to be hard to give up.

_Breathe slowly…._

_**To Be Continued…**_

_**----**_

_**That was chap. 5. Sorry for the wait. Hope you liked it. Chap. 6 on the way but in the mean time I have come up with chap. questions so you can give me your outlook. This chap's question is, **_

_**- What do you think about Rikku and Gippal and how they discussed him being an addict? How different would you have liked it to be?**_


	6. Exhale 3

_**A**_ _**Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 6- exhale**_

_**---**_

_Rikku…_

_Let it out….what could it hurts…_

_March._

I can't believe this is happening to me. That's all I can think right now. Ever since that day Gippal told me he was an addict. I've been looking at him differently. Not in a bad way. And I don't know if it's a good way either. It's just. I look at him and it all makes sense now. The way he stays in his room all day just reading. How he gets cold and hot. Why he never goes out and no one comes over. And now why Uncle Rin calls and asks if I'm okay. He's probably wondering if I know. I wouldn't tell if I did.

Then there is the way Gippal looks at me. It's like he's expecting something from me. It started the morning after I climbed into bed with him. I watched him sleep until I eventually fell asleep myself. When I woke up, he was gone. I found him downstairs on the steps smoking a cigarette. He was watching the sun set. I decided not to bother him and went in the kitchen to make a sandwich.

When I heard him come inside, I didn't stop what I was doing. I heard him sigh then he headed back upstairs.

I don't know what that was about, but he's been looking at me like that ever since. And I can't make head or tails of it. Does he really think I would turn on him once he told me the truth? Did he really find me that petty? I was kind of insulted. But then I thought about the other things that have changed since then. And the insult faded to the back of my mind.

First off, the way he interacts with me has changed dramatically. If I thought I'd pass out when he first kissed me, I may die now. He hangs around me more and somehow we always end up kissing. One way or the other. We recently got an entertainment center (Compliments of my persuasive techniques) and he hangs out with me on the couch at night. And we watch TV together. We'd talk and he'd start teasing me and I'd playfully hit him and we'd end up wrestling. And either I'd pin him or he'd pin me but what was once playfully would turn sexual. And he'd kiss me.

And not one of those simple kisses. It was one of those kisses that said something. His kisses are the kind that would build up to something. But once he feels it gets too deep, he pulls away. Leaving me yearning and flustered. And then he changes the subject like he wasn't kissing me like he wanted to take me to his room and have his way. This aggravates me because afterwards he'll think I'm not looking and then glare at me like I'm something to eat. Then when I turn around he'll give the first look he always gives me. He's like Mr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde or Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll…..I could never get that straight. But that's how he's acting.

And its like once I figured out why he acts one certain way, he begins to act another way for a mysterious reason. He's like a never ending book that's hard to figure out but you don't want to put it down because it's so good. And I wanted so bad to get to the end of that book. But life kept me on this page. And all I could do is hope there's a way I could move to the next chapter. And soon. If I have to keep going through the build-up kiss without a goal, I'll go crazy and rape that man.

--

This is why today, after I came home from school, I wanted to have a little talk with Gippal. I march, well walk, up the steps and find his bedroom door closed like usual. I tossed my book bag in my bedroom and knocked on his bedroom door. No one knocks at first so I decided to just go in. And when I do, I find Gippal lying in bed on his stomach. This is confusing to me. It's Thursday. Usually on today or Tuesday, he's getting ready to leave for his meeting. But not today. Today, he's way out of routine. But I don't let that faze me and my resolve. I walk over to him and sit on the side of the bed. I take a deep breathe and shake him lightly.

"Gippal..." I whisper. But it was loud enough to wake him. He groans and then opens his eyes to slits. He looks at me with a drugged look and sighs a longing sigh. He turns on his side and then what happens next shocks the hell out of me. I don't know how the hell it happened but it happened quickly. I go from sitting beside him to lying under him and he's kissing my neck and nibbling on me like I'm something to eat. I'm so shocked at first that I don't know what to do but then he goes lower with the kisses and nibbles and it triggers something in me. I don't know where this change came from but I don't mind. At all.

He goes down lower and he's suddenly kissing below my collarbone. My u-neck tank is doing nothing for me right now. And apparently he thinks the same thing because. He straddles me and takes his two strong hands and rips my tank in two. And I feel a little self-conscious right now because my bra is totally not sexy. It's yellow with pink Polk-a-dots. But in my defense, I wasn't expecting to be mauled by my 21-year old housemate. I just came to talk. This was the response I wanted from the talk but….still…

His mouth kisses and travels between my breast and his breathe sends shivers and goose bumps through my body. My body responds on its own and I find myself arching into him and my hands going to his head. His spikes slid through my fingers. I feel an unfamiliar heat rise from deep between my thighs.

"Gippal..." I moan when his tongue finds my nipple through the thin material of my bra. He sighs an almost groan-like sigh and then takes the now puckered nipple in between his teeth and pulls. My breathe catches in my throat and my hips buck.

"Oh, Rikku…." He moans. His hands find my hips and bring me to him. His thickness pulsating at the touch of my thighs. "Feel me."

And please believe I felt him. Hard, hot heat coming from him and me both. It was sending chills up my spine. Especially when he moved our position so he was between my legs and wrapped my legs around his waist. He licks my puckered nipple and grinds against me. And for the oddest moment to do it, I had a thought. This is way further than Gippal has ever gone with me. He usually playfully kisses me. And he controls what goes on between us and what doesn't. That was yesterday. Now today he's all over me like we always do this. When had this change occurred? Why?

I came up to talk to him about this…or try to and I'm sitting here being his meal instead. That's what I feel like. I can't complain though.. He is touching, kissing and nibbling me just the right way. And I can't bring myself to stop him. I wonder if he's even awake. Maybe he's dreaming …..Or maybe I'm dreaming? Am I dreaming? If so…this is a wonderful dream. I wouldn't stop this dream for the world then.

"Tell me to stop." I heard him whisper against my breast. SO this wasn't a dream. He was grinding against me and his hands were touching me in ways that should be outlawed. How could he ask me something he knew I wouldn't be able to do?

So I didn't say anything. I just let him continue to do what he was doing to me. And plus, he's asking me to tell him to stop, why can't he stop himself. He's been trying to control it this long. If he really wants to stop, he'll stop himself. I'm not about to ruin this, because I know if he stops he'll avoid any contact at all. SO unless he stops, I'll ride this out. Literally.

"Please, tell me to stop, Rikku." He says again. He sounds like he's pleading. I actually have control of this situation? I have control over him? Should I do the right thing or be a straight devil?

" No, Don't stop." I say in a moan. Devil it is.

And I guess he had no problem with it. He rolled over so that I was on to and let me continue our rhythm. His hands went to my hair and his mouth found mine. I was so wrapped up in him. His taste, his smell, his moans. Everything about him attracted me. I couldn't take this feeling he gave me. Deep in my stomach. I wanted him. Every part of him. I didn't care what happened next. I was ready for it. I knew the page in the book had turned and I couldn't wait to keep reading. What could it hurt?

_Let it go…..what could it hurt…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED……**_

_**----**_

_**Chapter Question: DO you think Rikku is making a mistake? Is she moving to fast with Gippal? What would you do if Gippal (or Rikku for guy readers) did that to you?)**_

_**Okay so this is the chap, I know it's short. I have a hectic schedule so I wanted to get this out for some readers to see what's going on. Promise a long chap, next time. Don't worry. I thank all my loyal readers and reviewers and I hope you enjoy this. I will try my best to get next chapter out A.S.A.P but once again school is ending and its hectic. But I'll try. R & R.**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	7. Inhale 4

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 7- inhale**_

_**---**_

_Gippal....._

_I can't breathe…_

I know this is wrong but I can't stop. I know it will ruin her in some way but I can't find the strength to push her away. So I gave up all futile attempts of denying this and I let it take its course. And I'm glad I did. Because I allowed myself to enjoy the moment fully. She told me not to stop. Even after I pleaded for her to. But deep down I was hoping she said no. To have my hands intertwine with her soft hair. Feel her pulse through our clothing. It made me harder. Hotter. I knew she could feel me because she began to gyrate her hips.

A moan grew from deep in my throat. I pressed my body closer to hers, if that was even possible. And it was sort of funny to me. I had been hot as hell all day, yet, when her body heat molded with mine forming a smoldering heat wave, I couldn't get enough. I wanted to feel her skin against my own. I wanted to see if it felt as good as it taste. I slid my hands under her ripped shirt and felt the heat the singed my fingers. It made me even harder when she moaned a throaty moan that I swallowed gladly. She got goose bumps but I didn't know if it was from my touch or from the coolness of my room.

She sighed a content sigh and arched into me. And at that moment my mind began to fight me again. Even though it agreed that I wanted her, it told me that I shouldn't be doing this. I'm no good for her. She's just a girl, and doesn't know what she's getting herself into with me. But I still wasn't stopping myself. My mind argued all those reasons repeatedly. So why was I pulling off her shirt? Why do I miss her lips when she sits up to accommodate my request? Why do I feel a strange relief when she brings her lips back to mine? And why the hell am I trying to remember if I had any condoms in my drawer or wallet? Why the hell is this 17-year old chick breaking me down so fast? Why am I letting her?

All these questions and no answers. What's a man to do? Although, it wouldn't be the first time. So I tell my mind to shut the hell up and enjoy her even more. I can think about it later and do her now. I let my tongue graze her lips, begging for entrance. She moans and gladly grants it. I explored her mouth thoroughly and fell in love with her sweet taste. Her hands roamed my abdomen and my muscles contracted at her touch. Her fingers were like heated metal running along my stomach. And the burn felt intoxicating. Then her hands go to the drawstrings of my sweat pants and they come loose so easily.

I roll us over to where I'm back on top and remove my sweatpants. My hands slide around from her stomach to her back and I press her hard against me. I slip my hands to the clasp of her bra and expertly unhook it. A talent I learned in my early years of high school. I bring a hand up her back and slide the straps off her shoulders. I roll back onto my back , mainly because I was slightly pushed, and find myself being straddled by Rikku. She sits up and breaks the kiss, to my disapproval, and pulls off the bra. There's a brief moment where we look into each other's eyes and I see raw passion and lust mirroring into my own. I can't take not having my mouth on her.

I sit up and take her lips for my own. My hands begin to unbutton her pants. It seemed like it took forever for her zipper to come down. No matter how fast my hands my have been moving. And it must have seemed the same for her. She pulled her pants down before I was finished with the zipper. She maneuvered to sit on my lap and kicked off the pants. I heard her pants hit the floor and I went for the final piece of fabric that held me from her. It was the exact time her hands went for my boxers. And we both tugged at the same time. Which kind of made me chuckle.

But I refused to wait for her and the dominate side of me took over. With an unexpected growl from me, I pushed her on her back like a lion taking his prey. She lost her grip on my boxers, leaving them on just below my pelvic bone. The cool air hit the small fine hairs and made a refreshing feeling run over that heated area. We I reclaimed her lips, our heat was a blaze in the kiss. Both fighting for dominance. I was sure our lips would be bruised after this ended. But soon I was in need of that oxygen thing we use. And I couldn't breathe. Yet my lips could not part from hers. But it seems she needed air as well and she turned her face to take in a gulp of air. This gave me the chance to do so as well, but I found myself taking in tiny breathes and enjoying the taste of her neck's silky skin. Nibbling and biting Licking and kissing. Coaxing moan after moan from her. She wrapped her arms around my back. Her hands roaming my back.

I quickly slid off her panties ,which I might add was a cute yellow bikini with smiley faces on it, and tossed them behind me. My heart raced at the feeling of her heat so close to mine. The only thing holding me from her were my own boxers. The anticipation of her made me unable to fully fill my lungs. And my assault on her neck didn't help any. I couldn't breathe when she was so close to me but with those few seconds I took to take that gulp of air, I inhaled all of her back into me.

My eyes went from slits to completely closed. I couldn't bring myself to open them. They felt too heavy. I couldn't. It hit me like a lightning bolt. My mind decided to fight back and it didn't fight fair. The moment my eyes closed my mind shouted a reason I couldn't ignore. It came full force.

After everything I've gone through. All the things I've learned and experienced. All the things I tried to stay away from. This one 17-year-old chick comes and makes me throw all those rules out the window. Forget everything and give her the opportunity to knock down my barriers. I tell her I'm reticent for my best interest and she still gets me to tell her my past. Silent works for me for a reason. I don't bring anymore on myself than I can handle in my state.

And what I'm doing right now screams trouble. SHE screams trouble. Yet, my body refuses to pull away. Why? What draws me to this chick? Am I addicted to danger? Heaven knows that the way I used to be, I kept danger as my company. Laying in my bed every night. Even if it wasn't the same broad every time. I kept it as my company, my lover, ,my best friend and advisor. But now it doesn't seem so appealing. Her danger….doesn't seem so appealing. But she's all I want right now. God, give me a reason to stop myself from making this dangerous mistake. It can only lead to my undoing. Help me…

I can't breathe…

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. _

So there is hope for me yet? I breathe a sigh of relief. Although part of me wanted to continue. Wanted the big guy upstairs let me make this mistake. But that was only a small part of me. I will myself to untangle myself from her, to her dismay. My body missed her immediately. But I knew if I went back to her, I wouldn't make it out of this room without fucking her. So I reach over and get my phone off my night stand and answer it without looking over at her. I try to swallow my arousal so it wouldn't come out when I spoke.

" Hello, Gippal, son you there?" Uncle Rin. I should've known. Is it time for his routine check already?

" Hey, Uncle" I say. My breathing has calmed but I know I don't sound enthusiastic. I never do when we talk. What's the point? He's the reason I'm here. Stuck in this hell hole called rich suburbia.

" How ya been? Ya been okay?" He asks. His usual intro to the ' I'm gonna stop by' talk or ' no cravings?' talk.

" Surviving. Breathing." I say.

" That's good. That's good." He says. He repeats the same thing. And here comes the reason he calls. " So, how's Rikku? She been adjusting okay?"

That's new. But the last time he called he was telling me to pick her up from the airport. The mention of her name causes me to look back at where I left her laying. She's moved. Quiet. I didn't even hear her. She's now sitting on the edge of the bed. Covering her chest while she searched for her clothes.

" Ask her. I wouldn't know." I tell him. He sighs before answering.

" Maybe when I call next time. What I wanted to talk to you about is…" he begins. I knew he couldn't stay on the phone with me longer than 3 minutes just small talking. So when is the random drug test?" I'm still clean, Uncle Rin." I tell him. Maybe he wont drop by randomly if I start telling him.

" No… No. I wasn't calling for that." He gives a nervous chuckle after he says this. Which meant he wasn't far from doing so.

" Then what else could you possibly be calling your recovering addict of a nephew for?" I ask, tired of this phone call.

" Have you seen the news?" He asks me out of the blue.

" No. I don't have a TV." I say to him truthfully as I lay back against the head board. I watch Rikku as she puts back on her bra. She's turned away from me, so she doesn't see me watching. But I sense that she knows I am. She's already put on her underwear. The cute Joe Boxer smiles. She's most likely going for her pants next since I tore her shirt. I wonder if Uncle Rin can hear her getting dressed?

" Well, you need to get one. Anyway, I don't have time to explain." He says. Always count on Uncle Rin to make a quick yet polite exit. Typical. But I couldn't care less.

" Then hurry up and get to the point." I suggest but I know it sounds cocky.

" Watch your mouth Gippal. Don't think you can talk to me any way. I'll send you straight to rehab. Being in your Parents/' beach house is a luxury young man. Don't forget that. Do you understand me?" I've crossed his line. He's mad now. I should play nice Gippal.

' Yea. I got you." I say after a few moments. Rikku's finished getting dressed now. " What do you need, Uncle?"

" For you to go to the airport in 45 minutes and pick up Buddy." he says.

" Why?" I ask. Buddy is a goody goody C.E.O to Uncle Rin's company. Why would he waste his time down here in Santa Barbara with his addict cousin and a 17-year-old girl he's never met?

" I'll tell you some other time. God, you need to watch the news." He says for the second time a little further away. " Just pick him up, he'll be staying with you and Rikku for a while."

" Fine. I'll go." I say beginning to end the phone call but he abruptly cuts in.

" And another thing. Take Rikku. Go out to dinner. Get them acquainted." He says. Then he hangs up. Not giving me a chance to protest. Like always. That's what he did the day he told me the omen, A.k.A Rikku, was moving in with me. Bastard.

I hang up the phone just as Rikku heads for the door fully dressed. Well kind of. I ripped her shirt. So that was in her hand in shreds. I cant help but grin because I love how her ass looks in those jeans. Now my sex-fiend side is wishing uncle Rin didn't call.

" Hey, Kid." I call to her. She was just about to leave. Door open and ready. She sighs but gradually turns to the side and looks at me.

" Yea?" She asks. I sense attitude. Probably just flustered. I can see her pebbled nipples through her bra.

" Go get dry and meet me downstairs in 30 minutes. Wear something nice." I say. I know she's about to say something about the sexual comment but then thinks about something else I said. Most likely why I told her to wear something nice.

" Why?" She asks. I knew it. Funny. I could read other people easy but didn't know myself. Didn't understand myself.

" Uncle Rin" I say as I let one leg hang off the bed as the other folds closer to my body.

" He wants us to pick up a cousin of mine. Then take him out to dinner."

" Oh.:" She says. I sense disappointment in her tone. Strange. I wonder why? What she thought I was taking her out or something? Cute kid. " Fine"

She leaves to go into her room, closing the door behind her. I take that as a sign to get showered and dressed as well. I took a quick cold shower followed by a steaming hot one. But it only made me want to drag her in there with me. When I came out of the bathroom, I heard Rikku close her door as she went downstairs. She mumbled something but all I could catch was 'tease' and ' fucking bipolar'. I also could've sworn I heard 'so ready for nothing.' And that one made me chuckle. I'd figure I'd fuck with her a little about it later.

Meantime, I headed into the closet to get dressed. I don't know how long it took but I didn't really try when it came to picking out an outfit. I mean, it was just Buddy. The last time we actually cared about looking good, we were trying to get with the same girl. I won of course. Had that chick calling my name for hours. And then my house after I got tired of her.

---

When I finished and headed downstairs. I didn't really care what I threw on. A pair of worn Levi's and a black tank. I put a button down long sleeve navy blue dress shirt to make it dress up. But I didn't button it or put on a tie. Why should I? It ain't that big of a deal. And I threw on my Timbaland boots to go along with it. I shoved my wallet in my back pocket but kept my keys in my hand. When I came downstairs and into the kitchen I found her sitting at the island on a stool. I noticed it was bright as hell out so I had my shades on. Which I'm glad I did because as soon as I saw her, my eyes probably flashed with the same hot desire from earlier in the bedroom.

She sat with her legs crossed. On her phone and oblivious to my presence. But my god, did I know hers was here. Those white short shorts that complimented her long sexy legs. And some kind of blue halter top thing. She put her hair in a ponytail with a few lose strands of hair. And some white flip flops. Cute….and sexy. I've never noticed a chicks outfit unless I was taking it off. Damn this chick.

" Ready?" I ask heading to the garage door. I flicked the switch that opens the garage door on my way out.

" Your 20 minutes late." She says as I reach the driver side door of my mustang. I hear her close the house door behind her as she follows me to the car.

' Point? I never said I'd be downstairs in 30 minutes." I say trying to hide the fact that I spent 20 minutes trying to calm myself down. She reaches the passenger door and begins to open the door.

" My point is-" She begins. I get in before she does.

" Sit in the back." I interrupt her.

" What? She asks confused just as she sat down in the passenger seat.

" Sit in the back, kid." I say again as I buckle myself in.

' You gotta be kidding me." She says in disbelief. I had to bite the inside of my lip as to not smile at the look she gave me.

" Nope. Completely serious. In the back, kid." She obliged grudgingly, mumbling the entire time. Once she closed the door , I started the car and pulled out. The garage door closed on its own as I drove off.

----

_20 minutes later._

It didn't take long to get to the airport. I parked in the general area I did when I came to pick up she-devil in the back. I cut off the car but leave the radio running so there isn't awkward silence. I don't really listen to the low volume music or anything else for that matter. I guess I'm just staring into space. Thinking. Fantasizing. My mind was coming up with reasons why I should hop in the back seat and fuck the shit out off the devil in the back. Why I shouldn't be watching her so bad. None are good enough so far. Only the danger one seems to fit. But then I realized Madame Evil said something.

" What?" I ask coming back to reality. I look back at her through the rearview mirror.

" I said, who are we picking up again?" She repeats.

I look back at the departure exit at the reminder of Buddy. I don't see him. Maybe his flight was late. I don't really care. I'd rather be at he house attempting to sleep.

" Well?" Rikku asks impatiently.

" My cousin." I say. I hated repeating myself. I sensed another question coming so I decided to specify. " Uncle Rin's son. Buddy."

" Oh" She says but I sense she had more questions. Which is why I was glad to see Buddy come out of the exit with his two suitcases. I started the car and pulled in front of him before she could say anything else. He looks in the passenger window and grins when he sees me. I return the gesture and unlock the door. He's about to toss his suitcases in the back when he sees Rikku.

" Oh. I'm sorry. How rude of me." He says to her. He holds out his hand and she shakes it with a smile on her face. He holds her hand too long. I don't like it. At all. And I don't like that I like it. I've only known this girl for about two months and already I feel possessive. It shouldn't be possible. But I do.

" I'm Brandon. Brandon Tastrana." He introduces himself, still holding her hand. " But you can call me Buddy"

" Well Buddy, " She says his name with a giggle. What the fuck? " I'm Rikku. Rikku Latone." Buddy is about to say something but I interrupt.

I've had enough and I'd rather get this dinner shit over with so I can sleep. So with the clearing of my throat I say " I'm hungry. Let's get going."

Buddy chuckles at something but proceeds to get his things and put them in the back seat. He got in the passenger seat and closed the door. I pulled off before he could fasten his seatbelt. The sooner we get this dinner over with , the sooner I can be done with them for a while.

----

_8:45 pm_

I took them to a restaurant not too far from the house. IT WAS MORE OF A Ruby Tuesday kind of restaurant than some fancy French shit. Rikku and Buddy were in a conversation the whole way. They didn't even notice that we were sat by a bar. But I did. I could smell the alcohol even over the food they brought us. I didn't really order anything. Just some fries and a coke. I didn't even eat the fries. I just leaned back in my chair and stay in my own thoughts. Eventually, I didn't even notice Rikku and Buddy. I just occupied myself with spinning my drink with my straw.

That's all I paid attention to. I didn't even notice the waitress come over until Rikku kicked me with he foot. I look up just as the waitress sets this tall ass flute like drink. I smelled the Gin before she had it on the table. I don't see anything but that drink for a moment. It was what looked like a mimosas

" This is compliments of the young woman by the bar." She tells me. I look up and to the direction she's pointing to and see a sexy brunette. She has this red low-cut top on that accentuates her cleavage. If it was about 3 months ago, I would've downed that drink and had that brunette moaning my name in the storage closet in ten minutes. But its not.

And I don't know what to do about the drink.

But just like earlier today, the big guy looks out for me once again. Out of nowhere, a delicate feminine hand with green nails comes out and takes the drink. She starts to sip it before anyone can react. I look at the waitress and she doesn't know what to do. I look at the chick and she looks pissed and disappointed. I look at Buddy and he's just as shocked as the waitress. And its hilarious. Without warning I bust into a fit of laughter. It was hilarious Their faces were priceless and innocent little Rikku just smiles as she finishes half of the drink.

" Aren't you a little young to be drinking that?" Buddy chuckles nervously after the waitress walks away. She grins at him but doesn't take the straw from her mouth until its only ¼ left.

" Gippal doesn't seem to mind." She says which makes Buddy look between me and her confused.

" And what's his opinion got to do with it?" He asks her.

" Well, technically, he's my parental guardian for the next year or so." She says. Buddy looks at me and I simply shrug. It was more of a nonchalant 'its true' shrug.

" Oh. So I see Gippal and I have a lot of catching up to do." He says and smiles at her. I still don't like the way he's looking at her. Rikku in the meantime is chugging the last fourth of the drink.

" Slow down, kid" I warn her. She only giggles which makes me chuckle because she almost chokes. " Told ya."

"' Well anyways, " buddy chuckles. " I'm tired and full. I'll head to the restroom and then we can go." He gets up from the table and heads to the bathroom. As soon as he's out of earshot, Rikku scoots over to the chair in front of me.

" So, I have a few questions for you." She says leaning toward me. I haven't moved from my leaned back position.

" Don't you always." I chuckle at what seems to have become a routine between us. " I thought we were done with that game."

" We are. But still there's things you and I need to clear up and discuss." She tells me. And its true. She and I have some things to discuss. Like how we can't be like we were in my bedroom earlier. Which is why I thought it would be better to do this back at the house.

" Do we need to clear them up now?" I ask. She nods and my grin fades as I sigh. Now wasn't the time or the place. I glance at her for a moment before looking at the table where my hand played with the straw paper. "You have until Buddy gets back"

" okay." She says and takes a deep breathe. Which meant I had a lot of questions on my hand. I just don't think I'll answer them all. " You say your better off reticent but your all different around me. Why?"

" I don't know." I say. She momentarily accepts that answer and moves to the next question.

" And your completely bipolar. First, you nearly tear my clothes off. Then the next thing I know you act like nothing happened? Why? Do you enjoy confusing me? Is it a game of yours? And why are you so quiet to yourself today? Is it because Buddy is around? Why aren't you talking to him? He's nice. Do you two have a bad relationship? And another thing-" She rants on without one single breathe.

Which is why I am so glad to find Buddy coming back to the table. He said he was ready to go. I told him I'd settle the bill and that I'd meet them at the car. But then Rikku decided she wanted to go to the bathroom. I paid the bill, which didn't take me long, but Rikku wasn't out yet. So I waited for her in the hall. She came out after a moment or two then yawned.

" Tired, kid?" I ask. She looks at me and sticks her tongue out at me. And I suddenly had the sudden urge to kiss her again.

" No. And stop calling me a kid." She says walking up to me.

" Then stop acting like one" I counter leaning against the wall. She sticks her tongue out at me again and I can't help myself. I pull her to me and capture her mouth in a kiss. It was long but it was deep. Made my pulse race for a minute. I wanted to take her. Here and now. But I didn't see a storage closet and Buddy was waiting. A mysterious way to keep me from Ms. Danger.

So I push her away as I come away from the wall. I begin to walk but then she reaches out and grabs my wrist. I turn to look back at her and find a confused look on her face.

Like she's trying to form her words but can't find the right ones. I've seen it before. The day my coach told me I had to take a vacation. He called it vacation but he meant I was suspended indefinitely.

" What?" I ask a little annoyed by the reminder.

" Um…" Her eyes hold lust but she blinks it off and gets to her point. " You never answered my questions." She says. He sounds shy. That's a new one. So I decide to humor her.

" Do you want me to answer them in any particular order?" I ask walking up to her until we were inches apart. I leaned over until my face was in front of hers. And I watched her with a dazed shake of her head.

" Fine" I say. Then I turn and begin to leave.

" Aren't you going to answer?" She asks only a step behind me.

" At the house." And that was all I said. Despite her complaints to the car. I heard 'tease' again and chuckled. Funny kid.

----

When we got to the house, we all headed upstairs. Rikku helped Buddy with his bags as I went to my room. She'd help him find a room. I'm sure of it. They were so friendly. It bothered me. As I came in my room, I took off my dress shirt and tossed it on the nearest piece of furniture. I kicked off my boots and laid on the bed. I knew Rikku would be coming for me to answer her questions so I decided top just rest my eyes. But when I put my arm over my eyes, I found everything going black fast.

---

The next thing I know, I wake up and I'm laying on my stomach in a totally different position. I sit up and my entire room is dark except for the outline the moon had on the furniture. I sat up in bed and stretched. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand and see that its almost midnight. I slept for almost 4 hours but I was still tired. I was surprised that Rikku didn't come in and wake me up for answers. I decided it didn't matter to me. I was just about to lay down and get some more sleep when I heard it. Her giggle. Followed by Buddy's chuckle. Which confused me because it was real close. Like across the hall close. Rikku's room close.

I willed it to be a figment of my imagination. But my imagination was getting the best of me. It put sexual images of those two in my head. And when I heard it again, I found myself climbing out of bed and heading to my bedroom door. I open it slowly to find Rikku's door open. Her lights were on and I heard her radio playing. I walked closer and saw Buddy sitting at her desk. He wore some sweatpants and a long sleeve -shirt. Rikku laid on her stomach on her bed. She had on a pair of pajama shorts and a yellow tank. So they were dressed. I was pleased about that. But I didn't like him being in her room so late. Don't these people sleep. They laugh about something and I decide I needed a smoke and to get out of this house.

So I find myself downstairs getting out my stash from this fake fichus plant on the corner of the deck. I pull out a lighter and a cigarette and have a seat on one of the lounge chairs. Leaning back, I lit the cigarette and have a long drag of it. I hold it in for a few seconds as I put it in my pocket. The first drag relaxes me a bit but doesn't satisfy me. I have this strange urge for something but I can't quite put my finger on it.

_Its Her…_

I can't need her. I don't know why I can't stand the sight of her and Buddy. Why the fuck should I care? Me and that chick don't have a damn obligation to each other. I don't care who she wants to fuck. I can have any chick I want.

_But you need her…you want her… she should be yours…_

Rikku would be better off with Buddy anyway. With me… I'd only corrupt her.

_Everyone needs a little corruption._

Not her. Not with me.

But my mental battle with myself ended when the back door opened and out of the corner of my eye I saw Rikku approaching. But I only tilted my head back and took another drag of my cigarette. I tapped the ashes off the deck. I brought my leg up into a bent position to rest my arm on. She came and sat a cold beer between my legs and the coolness kind of aroused me. She must of leaned against the railing in front of me because I saw her back up.

After letting out the smoke in a big slow white cloud, I looked at her and saw her looking right back at me. And that's how we were for a few moments. She didn't say anything. Neither did I. I tilted my head back and continued to smoke my cigarette. I heard her pop the top on the beer and I guess she was drinking that. It wasn't until I was almost done with my cigarette that she said something to me.

" Not thirsty?" She asked casually. I looked at her for a second as I let out another drag and her beer was half way gone.

" Didn't I say stop messing with my beer?" I ignored her question as I titled my head back. She didn't respond. Maybe because my comment sounded a bit harsh. I didn't mean for it to be. Luckily she didn't take it that way.

" So are you going to at least answer one of my other questions? You did say you'd answer them when we got back. But then you went to sleep." She says to me. I find a hint of annoyance in her tone. Makes me grin.

" One" I agreed. She sighed, probably thinking of the one she wanted to ask me. I took another long drag and held it as I listened to her question.

" What happened earlier today in your bedroom? What was that? Why would you jump me like that and then act like nothing happened.?" She asks. She sounds confused by her own question. Her lip pouted a bit. She looked so sexy. It drove me crazy. Made me want to suck on her lips until they were swollen. Then lick them until they were normal and then start all over again. Made me a bit hard just thinking about it. I wonder if she saw. She glanced down then to her right. Maybe she had. But the moment she turned, the moon light illuminated her skin. With the shimmer from the ocean and the white sandy beach as her background, she looked like one of those gorgeous paintings you'd see in museums.

I finally release my breathe slowly and a stream of white smoke comes out through my nostrils. I decided to answer her as truthfully as possible. The only one that came to mind when I asked myself the exact same question.

" I don't know."

She doesn't like my answer. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. She briefly shakes her head and I could've sworn I heard her chuckle. Then she looks at me with an ' are you serious?' look.

" No one nearly fucks someone and their only excuse is ' I don't know' " She tells me. "You know"

I grin at her aggravation. Its sexy. Hell, she's sexy. ' I don't know what answer you wanted from me." I decided I was done with my cigarette and tossed the now small bud aside onto the sand. I reached and took the beer, popping the top by using the chairs armrest.

" I wanted the truth." She murmurs.

" Which I gave" I countered.

" A man, especially someone like you, does not merely jump some ones bones and not know why." The kid seems on point with the counters but she'll have to do better than that.

" A. You barely know me kid. You only know what I tell you. SO how do you know what I do and don't do?" I say and she sighs a frustrated sigh. " And B: The body is a powerful thing. Sometimes the mind can't control it. And when a strong urge , sometimes sexual, comes along the mind can do nothing but go along with the body."

She seems annoyed. Had I hit a nerve? I just watched her as she struggled to find words. I took a gulp of the beer and watch her shake her head and mumble something I didn't catch. A breeze blew by softly and I could tell she was cold. Her pebbling nipples gave her away. Me on the other hand thought the breeze was a refreshing contrast to my

Scorching hot body. But something in her face changed and made my heart race quicken. Made me get a bit harder. Made me want to see what was about to happen.

She looked up at me and I saw a lustful, mischievous look in her eyes. I had to adjust my position to accommodate the major boner I was getting. She let her hands fall to her thighs and began to drag them up her thighs slowly. She may have only been warming herself up but she held my gaze all the way.

" So, say the body had a sudden strong urge right now." She began. Her voice was smoother and silkier than usual. " What would you do?"

I knew this couldn't lead to anything good. She was turning my words against me to get her way. But that didn't mean a thing. Although my body ached and pulsated for her, I couldn't have sex with her. It would lead to nothing but trouble. That interruption this afternoon meant something. It was a sign that meant this wasn't suppose to happen. We aren't supposed to be involved that way, if at all. So I decide to change the subject.

"Weren't you bothering Buddy?" I ask not really expecting an answer. " Go back to doing that."

She made a face at my subject change and took the hint. " He's sleep. You're not. So I decided to give you company." She states it so slowly. Likes its nothing. She basically said I was second choice because first choice got tired of her. But I wasn't offended. It also didn't phase me. I still didn't want the company she was probably looking for… More like I couldn't have it. Wouldn't allow myself to have it. But ,God, did I want it too.

" Well, maybe I'm too tired out for company, kid." I tell her.

" Rikku." She says. Which is her way of reminding me of her name. Like I forgot it. I sure as hell didn't forget that name "And who said company had to be active. We could just veg out and hang."

I looked at her for a second but then had to look away to bite back a smile. This chick was straight forward. Rikku was straight forward and I liked that. Too much.

" Well, maybe I'm too tired to veg out and hang. Maybe I just want to sleep." I say. I look back at her and she's looking down. She's rocking back and forth on her heels.

" Then why aren't you sleep?" She asks quickly. And I tell her the truth.

" I can't" I say. It came so easily. Telling her something is always so easy all of a sudden.

" Why?" She inquires.

" I don't know."

" hmm…" She thinks for a second and then suddenly she walks up and takes the arm that's resting on my leg. " Get up"

" What are you doing?" I asked not budging. Despite her pulling.

" We're going for a beach walk. It'll get you tired." She says tugging a bit harder. I got a little annoyed and tugged her toward me. I didn't know how much strength I used. That is until she cam staggering toward me. Maybe because she was a bit drunk. I could smell the gin from earlier. But the only way she could stop herself from going face first into the side of the house was me. She fell on me but her knee came just so close to my groin. Close enough to rub me the right way. Her hand braced against the back of the lounge chair. And her face was inches from mine. More like centimeters. So close to my lips.

Her breathe mingling with mine. It had a delicious taste, a seductive scent that lured me in. Physically and mentally. I found my lips moving toward hers. My eyes suddenly felt heave but I watched her. My eyes closed instinctively as my lips found hers. My breathe caught in my throat at the sensation it gave me to kiss her. I could've sworn hers did too. My hands found her waist and the softness of her exposed lower back. She suddenly straddled me and my mind began to scream at me to stop this. It was going against what I was saying. But that was only a small part of my mind.

The other part was saying enjoy it while it lasts. And my body was listening to that part. Her hand that was braced against the chair was suddenly in my hair. Pulling me deeper into the kiss. My body wanted her but after a few moments of our intensifying kiss, I needed oxygen. But if I had to die by suffocation. This wasn't a bad way to go. She is a dangerous death that I was welcoming with open arms and mouth. I'm drowning in her and its never felt better. More appealing. She takes my breathe away but I give it to her willingly.

_I can't breathe…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

_**----**_

_**Thanks you for all my patient readers and reviewers who are sticking with me. I know I owe you a few chaps. The next chap. will be up as soon as I can but remember I am working 3 stories. But don't worry. I can handle it. Just support me by reviewing and reading. This chaps. Question is : ' what do you think is going on in Gippal mind about Rikku? And do you think he should welcome the change inn their relationship that's occurring or try and break it off? Is she good for him?'**_

_**Tell me what you think and thank you to all my loyal reviewers. Stay Tuned!**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	8. Exhale 4

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 8- Exhale **_

_**

* * *

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_Rikku ...._

_But its fine. Let it go…for now…_

God. How can this man do this to me? Make me want him so bad. Make me never want us to separate. I know only what he tells me yet, I find myself understanding him completely. And then…not getting him at all. He doesn't try and hang around me as much. He's pulling away. He still does those looks when he thinks I'm not looking but refuses to take anything further. Its like those nights on the couch.

And this morning I'd thought I'd die of embarrassment when he and I got physical on his bed. Not because it was him but because my bra and underwear totally didn't match.

But he didn't seem to mind at all. He just threw the aside anyway. I'd never seen him let himself go like that. Go that far. And then stop. The call from Uncle Rin was a curse from the devil to make me even more flustered. But the way we were intertwine, I thought for sure he'd…..but then the phone rings and the heat from his body is gone. Right when he hits this spot on my neck that drove me crazy too.

I heard him talking to Uncle Rin. Saying he doesn't have a TV and what not and for some reason that offended me. Had he been trying to hide that he spent most of his nights with me? Or was he just saying that he didn't have one in his room. When I came to his room, I wanted to talk. When I came out here, I wanted answers. To talk. And both of my intended talks ended up the same way. Only this time, I don't think either of us expected this. Intended this. But both of us weren't trying to stop it.

" Oh, fuck, Rikku." Gippal moans when I break our kiss for much needed air.

My hand is almost clutching his spiky hair. He winces but doesn't try to untangle my hand. Instead, he comes back in and reclaims my lips with an animalistic groan. Maybe even a growl. His hands on my waist clutch me and bring me closer. He's so laid back in the chair that when he does that, my lower stomach is pressed against his chest.

Which makes me unable to kiss him but gives him perfect access to my chest. One of his hands travels into the leg of my pajama shorts as the other ascends up my side and under my top to grips my breast strong and hard. Some may not like it and I never thought I would but when he did it, I couldn't help but moan. Which I guess was all the incentive he needed to know I wanted this just as much. He somehow manages to get up, with me still straddling him and make his way to the door. But then I remember our newest house guest just as he's reaching for the door handle.

" We can't " I say. My voice filled with lust. But my mind spoke to fast for me to answer.

" The hell we can't." He growls back, his voice just as lustful.

" Buddy." I remind him. I begin to slip and he props me back up with his hands now supporting both of my legs. I wrap them firmly around his waist. I just know he'll end it now. But damn! I was so close. I wanted him so bad. For so long. I began to get down but he wouldn't let me budge.

" Gippal, what are you doing?" I ask him. My heart rate is starting to calm down. " We can't do it outside. Someone might catch us."

" Point?" He says. He's a freaky man. And I like it.

" Its about to rain." I say. And he only chuckles at that. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. I know I shouldn't be arguing against this since I wanted it too. But I felt awkward having sex in the open like this.

" Are you that against having sex outside?" He asks me. And I sigh and nod. And he chuckles again. " Fine"

Before I can tell what's going on, he puts me down. I sigh in defeat but just as I'm about to head in he grabs my wrist and starts walking. I can only follow him mainly because I'm confused and part because I'm hoping he's found a solution. But as he drags me further I start to get even more confused. He takes me to the end of the deck and off to the side of the house. There is a slope I never noticed before that he took me down and led me a door on the side of the house. It was a pair of French doors. It was dark on the inside. I could see in there despite the sheer curtains. So this is where he works out. The gym. He's ripped and this is why but I never see him go down here.

He momentarily lets my hand go takes the door knob. It must be locked because he curses under his breathe. But then with the slightest bit of strength ,that I saw his muscles flex, he jolts the lock and opens the door. He lets me go by first and I take a chance to look around as I hear him close the door behind him as he comes in.. I reach for the light switch that I guessed would be on the wall by the door. But as I did, his hand covers mine and he presses himself against my backside.

" Don't." He whispers in my ear and then he backs me up. I'm led blindly to what I guessed was his bench press because he sits down and lets me have a seat on his lap.

I bring my free hand up behind me and rub his thigh. He groans and scoots back some. He takes me with him but then he lies down. Leaving me sitting up. He grinds himself against my back side. Sending sensations through me. I lean forward and brace my hands on his knees as I join him in the rhythm. Dry humping each other made me hotter. In a good way.

" Oh my-" I break off as I cover a moan by biting my lip.

" Exactly." He chuckles/groans.

His hand slides up and down my backside like a famous painter admiring his work. I feel him grow harder against me. Hotter to the point where his heat made me pulsate against him. I couldn't take not having him in me. I had to touch him. Feel him. I arose from my position on him, to his dismay and stood in front of him.

" Come back here." he moans sitting up on his elbows. His eyes , although it was almost pitch black, shown through with an enormous amount of lust. Green emeralds boring into me.

But I simply ignored him. Frustrated ,he began to sit up and reached out to grab my leg but I backed up some more. He growled. I giggled. I slowly began to do a very seductive strip tease, staring with my top. I brought that over my head and tossed it to the side. He ,in the meantime, decided he liked my idea of a show and ,instead of stopping me, reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He grinned when he saw some kind of gold plastic in his wallet. He took that out and tossed his wallet to the side. He leaned onto his knees and continued to grin as he watched me.

I hooked my thumbs into my pajama shorts and shimmied ever so slowly out of those. I stepped out of them and let my foot kick them to the side. I posed and he chuckled. I reached behind me and unhooked my bra. Slowly I slid the straps off my shoulders. He followed my hands all the way down. I took it off tossed it to him. He caught it and smiled a dazzling smile but let it drop to the floor by his feet. His eyes stayed on my chest even as my hands went to my underwear. And when I shimmied out of those, he licked his lips and began to get up. But I pushed him back down.

Only thing is, he took me with him. But I let my knee rest between his legs and pushed him to onto his elbows. I let my hands slide down his chest and to his zipper. I unfasten the button to his jeans but unexpected by him, I get down on my knees and drag down the zipper with my teeth. He gives a moaning chuckle but doesn't stop me as I pull down his jeans along with his boxers. And to my amazement he springs loose. And when I tell you this man was well endowed. I'm talking about at least 10 inches by my estimate.

I wrapped one of my hands around him, and he pulsated so hard it traveled through me and made me do the same. I let my tongue graze his tip before taking him in my mouth. My hand, all the while, stroking him. I had him moaning and groaning my name for at least 15 minutes before his hands came and caught my head.

" Stop, Baby." he moaned. And I obliged letting him slide out of my mouth. I stood up and began o straddle him but he handed me the condom. " Put it on first."

And I did. Slowly. Making sure to tease him the whole way. He smiled at me as I tossed the wrapper aside. But then the world disappeared and it was nothing but us two as I slid onto him. Time stopped completely. The sounds no longer existed His hands braced my waist and guided me. His eyes closed and his head tilted back. And I had a hard time keeping my eyes open too. We'd been waiting for this union and now that it was here…it was euphoric. He told me he had to show me the less potent version of heroin but heroin couldn't possibly compare to what we made. He let me ride him like a tamed yet aggressive stallion. And I could barely keep from screaming. My body reacted so…..wildly towards him. He had me going out of my mind.

" Shit…sweet...baby…sweet" He murmurs incoherently.

And when I tell you that first orgasm was almost nothing. I mean it. It was nothing compared to the other 5 he gave me. And we didn't do just the ordinary missionary. He had me all around the gym doing positions I didn't know existed. Only one I could recognize was 69. And that was reinvented on a elliptical machine. He was like the sex god a girl had wet dreams about. Loving me in ways I never dreamed. He learned quite a few tricks of the trade. He was……wow. Some girls may wonder how he got all the practice but….I couldn't get pass not moaning and groaning his name.

He left me feeling sated to the ninth degree. And I feel I did the same for him because after the 6th time, he collapsed on top of me and my eyes could barely stay open. Although, he was a well built man and my frame had a Only thing I remember is him stroking my back and pulling a throw cover off the couch in the gym.

We were too tired to move onto the couch and passed out there under the cover in his gym. This night….no scratch that, whole day with him has been completely spontaneous but if I had the choice to do it all over again, I wouldn't change it for the world. This mysterious man has me wrapped up in him but I have a feeling that I do the same to him. And both of us are completely fine with it.

---

_Next morning:_

I wake up to the sound of seagulls and the ocean waves. I feel a bit sore but I also feel great. My head has that groggy feeling like I just passed out from an awesome party. Or the feeling you get after 6 mind blowing orgasms. When I googled Gippal I saw his name attached to many girls in the relationship sense. But I just thought it was because he's a world renown boxer. I've seen his magazine covers and sports shots in the winner's circle but I thought that's why all the girls went with him. For his body. And then I got to know him a little. And thought it was his bad boy image that kept the girls coming. But now I know. The secret why he had at least 5 girlfriends last year. The reason half of those girls were celebrities. The reason HE was the one to break up with them. Mind Blowing Sex.

I find my lower half covered by a cover and my head resting on a rock hard chest. Gippal's steady breathing rises my head up and down slowly. He must still be sleep. I wouldn't blame him. I was a bit tired too. I wondered what time it was. I began to sit up to see if there is a clock in the room but then Gippal's arm tightens around my waist.

" Where…don't…" He grumbles in his sleep. I stretch and slowly ease his arm away a bit. But he readjusted it in the way it was, mumbling "stop it."

So, I just sit there for a moment and try to wake up instead. Nothing seems real yet anyway. It doesn't feel like I've slept with Gippal. Even if he is lying naked next to me.

I've been wanting him to go further for so long and now that he has…what now? I was a part of it. I was a happy participant for the whole thing. Its just…will things change? And if they do, will it be for good or worse? I missed the bus for school probably. I don't see what it'll hurt. I have straight A's. Those classes aren't hard. But I should probably go so I don't get too many absences. Although I have straight A's I never go to my last class. Its so easy. I can just walk in and take the test on the due day and ace it.

But I didn't want to leave Gippal. I've had his sex and now I want more. I chuckle at the thought. But then another thought crosses my mind. Buddy. He must be wondering where we are. Or at least where Gippal is. Its Thursday. So he'd probably think I'd gone to school already. Great, now i have to sneak into the house and change. Then I gotta sneak out and somehow make it to school. I could get the big loaf lying next to me to give me a ride. He could sleep later. I need him to get up now. Because if Buddy catches us…..

_Yawn._

Looks like he's awake. I look back and see him stretching. His arm tightens around my waist and he pulls me to the point where I'm leaning over his top half. I decide to rest my head on his chest again but I fold my arms so I can look at him. His free hand comes up and washes over his face. He sighs and his eyes open to tiny slits. His green orbs were in a prison created by his eyelashes. I probably looked like a prisoner of his lashes as well to him.

" Hey." He says. His voice raspy from sleepy.

" Hey." I say back. And for moments after that we were quiet. Just looking at each other. It was like two new love birds. Or two brand new lovers. Its like the movies. Everything ,for a second, seems perfect. No problem in the word. And it's….cute. A welcoming feeling. Maybe things didn't change in our relationship for the worst. If it did…I might like this whole worst thing. Then out of nowhere, he chuckles and it kind of makes me giggle. He begins to sit up on his elbows and looks around. He scratches his head and then sighs.

" What-" he begins but his voice has that just woken up sound so he clears his throat. "What time is it?"

" Beats me." I shrug. " I woke up like 5 minutes ago."

He smirked then looked away briefly. Most likely out the window. He gave another sigh and I couldn't help but giggle. I sat up with my back to him and decided it was time to figure out where my clothes were.

" What's so funny?" Gippal asked as I spotted my bra on the treadmill a few feet away from me.

" You know you sigh a lot. And-" I began as I pulled the blanket up to cover my chest. I reached out and tried to grab my bra without exposing my backside to Gippal. Which didn't really matter because he saw it all last night. " I told you that's how shrinking occurs."

He chuckled as I was inches away from snagging my bra strap. But then just in a few seconds, he was right behind me, pressing himself against me with his arms braced on the side of me. His breathe brushed against the back of my neck right before he left a small kiss.

" Well, if that's the case, tell me, how large was I last night? Because I seem to sigh daily." He whispers to me. And it sends goose bumps down my back. I can't hold back a small shiver that courses through me. But I wouldn't let him get a big head with what he did to me last night.

" I don't know. Didn't seem like much." I said and that caused him to laugh. He playfully bites my neck.

" Well ,maybe, I should give you another taste to change your opinion on that theory." He says seductively as he grinds himself against me. Causing an involuntary moan to stir deep in my throat.

" Who says it was a theory?" I counter, somehow managing to turn with him behind me I look at him and give a mocking grin.

" I do." He says before capturing my lips and there weren't any words exchanged for a while after that. He gave me a second opinion alright. Fuck a freak. He was a sex god and guru. If sex was a sport. He'd be the MVP and BFPE. Most valuable player and best fucking player ever.

" Do you think Buddy's wondering where we are?" I ask Gippal as I slid on my pajama shorts. I had already put back on my bra and underwear. I looked back at Gippal as he stood by the couch refastening his jeans. He looks at me for a second then shrugs nonchalantly.

" Maybe me. But not you. You got school today right?" He says to me as I look around for my top. I don't see it anywhere.

"Well, yeah. I did but its probably too late now." I tell him. I check by the bench press for my top but come up empty. " We'll probably have to sneak in."

" Yeah, I guess." He agrees like he didn't really care about getting caught. Probably doesn't. He didn't care about a lot of things.

" Have you seen-" I begin to ask him, tired of being in only my bra. I don't know where it could have gone. But when I turn around, he's right behind me with my top in hand.

" your top?" He finishes my question handing it to me. I begin to ask where it was but he answers that too. " It was on the ceiling fan."

" How-" I begin to ask but yet again he reads my mind.

" I don't know. Hurry up so we can head in." He says. He begins to head to the door but pauses by it and waits for me. I obliged and followed him. He let me out first and I waited for him. He only closed the door because I doubt he could lock it after last night.

He walked in front of me as we headed to the back porch.

" How are we going to get in?" I ask. A little to loudly, because Gippal shushes me.

I simply mouth ' sorry' and follow his lead. And we turn into a James Bond movie. Crouching down so we wont be seen in the window. W both crawl to the window in the living room and find Buddy there. Awake. Watching television and drinking a beer. God, we drink a lot of beer in this house. Gippal sighs and I try to stifle a giggle. He then turns and sits down under the windowsill. I follow and ask him what were going to do.

" I'll go in, act like I'm coming in from the gym and I'll open the window in the office downstairs." He says. I nod and then crawl off to head to the side of the house.

I almost tripped on the way. But when I got to the window. .it wasn't open. How long would it take Gippal to sneak pass Buddy and open a damn window. I just waited…and waited…and waited. Until finally the window slid open.

" Took you long enough." I said when I saw Gippal's head stick out to see if I was there.

He didn't say anything. He just held out his hand to help me up. The window was about 4 feet off the ground and I was only 5'6'. I took it and tried climbing up the side. He used his other hand to grab my upper arm and help me in. Once I was half way through the window, I saw why it took Gippal so long. Sitting at the desk of the office was Buddy. He had a contradicting smile on his face and I knew he knew. Gippal pulled me through and helped me onto my feet. I adjusted my clothes as he closed the window.

" hey…Buddy." I say. I didn't know what else to say. ' Hey, so you know Gippal had sex last night.'

" Hey, Rikku." He says. Gippal leans against the wall, not trying to save me or anything. Maybe he said since he got mocked about his sex life, I had to too. Because I know that smile. All guys had it when teasing was to ensue.

" Um…so…." I tried to find something to say that could let me escape this room without the embarrassing teasing. I rocked on my heels and clasped my hands behind my back.

" So.." He says with a chuckle. " I hear you and Gippal went a few rounds in the gym."

Gippal sighs and crossed his arms as he looked away. This couldn't be so east for him to hear as it was for me to be the subject of it. I groaned and mentally cried. I had to get out of this with my dignity….even if I had to put someone else's up for grabs. I mentally apologized for what I was about to do. And prepare to run from any pending consequences.

"Indeed. Gippal knows more than 10 exotic sex moves you can do with a 10 inch penis. You should ask him about it as I go change and get ready for whatever it is, I have to do." I blurt out.

I didn't have time to stay and take in Gippal and Buddy's shocked faces. I took off out of the office and up the steps. All I heard was Gippal call after me. I didn't stop though. I was almost to my room. Inches from grabbing the door knob to open the door when I was seized by the enemy. Gippal caught me by my wrist and I couldn't help but scream out of surprise. He pulled me by the waist as I still tried to escape into my room. I heard a chuckle from the steps but didn't have time to pay much attention to that. Gippal began to drag me back and I guess to his room because I grabbed onto the doorframe to keep him from pulling me in.

" I'm sorry." I yelled mixed with laughter because his hands were on my tickle spots and it was kind of funny. But against his muscles, I had no chance of escape. He pulled me in and kicked the door shut. Next thing I know I was pressed against the wall and he was looking me square in the eyes. Anger, annoyance, amusement and lust all mixed in those green diamonds of his. I had no hope of escape because his arms blocked a chance of escape on either side of me. I had to face my punishment with bravery.

" What was that about?" He asks. I hint laughter in his voice.

" It was either me or you." I confessed.

" And you chose yourself." He stated. He wasn't asking. He knew. His sanity was sacrificed for my own.

" Wouldn't you?" I asked. My voice almost squeaked at the excitement he gave me just being this close. His breathe mingling with mine as he leaned in closer to me.

" What? Choose myself over you?" He asked , this time not hiding any part of the chuckle in his voice. Then for a long moment he just looked at me. Lust shining through as the most dominant emotion right now.

Then with almost a growl he answers " Most definitely" and claims my lips for his own. And my lips were busy for awhile after that.

---

A little while later, Gippal and I haven't moved from the door. Only change was him picking me up and pressing me harder against the door. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. His hands were up my shirt and our tongues were fighting for dominance, but he was winning. Not like I minded though. He tasted delicious. If I had a choice…I think I'd spend the majority of my time kissing Gippal.

When he or I separate for needed air, I always miss his lips. His touch never left me though. It seemed like when I moved to adjust myself and his groin moved from my core or his hands loosened against my skin, he'd growl and readjust himself if not press himself harder against me. He was rough with me….yet gentle. If that made any sense.

We were totally into each other, when we heard a crash and then some coughing.

Well, at least I thought we both heard it. But it seems Gippal didn't because he didn't move. Or maybe he didn't care. But then I heard a muffled 'fuck' between the coughing and that made me curious. Buddy was the only one in the house either than us so it had to be them. Was he okay?

" Gippal" I gasped breaking the kiss. He disapproved strongly by growling and trying to reclaim my lips. But I kept moving. ' Gippal, did you hear that?"

" unhunh." He murmured and decided to take my neck as a secondary.

' You didn't hear that?' I moaned in a whisper.

" Nope. And neither did you" He murmurs between kisses against my neck.

Some more coughing followed and then it was quiet. I tried to listen over the pleasure of Gippal but once the door closed, my mind shut it out for later. And I let Gippal reclaim my lips greedily. He got his way. He got his way until sundown.

---

" How did Buddy find out?" I asked later that evening as we laid in his bed. The nights soundtrack had replaced the day's. Moonlight softly lit his room. I laid on my back staring at the ceiling as he laid on his side with his arm draped over my waist. Neither of us were asleep but he had a good façade going. Head resting on the pillow next to mine and eyes closed. His breathing was steady and matched mine.

" I told him." He stated simply as if it didn't just mean he ruined the plan and forced unnecessary embarrassment onto us. Me especially because if he told then he didn't really care if Buddy knew or not.

" Why?" I turned under his arm so I was facing him.

" He asked." He told me.

" So you just told him? Why didn't you lie?" I was getting a little annoyed but for some reason I couldn't get pissed at him.

" It wouldn't of worked " He told me readjusting his position so he was closer to me.

His scent and warmth were so delicious I couldn't help but sigh at the sudden comfort.

" Why?" I asked.

" He already knew." He said to me.

" How?" I asked. He gave an annoyed groan and his eyes opened to slits to look at me. Which is where I really saw the annoyance. It was mixed in with a drowsy look.

" Stop asking so many questions. I'm trying to sleep." He sighed.

" You don't sleep remember." I reminded him.

" but I try to. If your going to keep asking questions I'm going to kick you out of my room." He warned me. Then he closed his eyes again. It was quiet for a few moments after that but the question still lingered in my head.

I had the sudden urge to ask Gippal but I knew the consequence of that. I was too comfortable to get kicked out. But my mind wouldn't let it go. Even if he was trying to sleep, I wouldn't be able to until he told me what I wanted to know. Put my mind at ease. So waiting a few moments I decided to ask him.

" How did he find out?" I asked. And he opened his eyes. Now really annoyed. But not to the point of anger. More like a guy who keeps getting woken up by his lady friend to answer questions.

" What did I just-" he began to fuss quietly.

" Tell me and I'll be quiet for the rest of the night." I promised. I put on my puppy dog eyes and poked out my lip a bit. It always worked to get me what I wanted. And it didn't fail now. Because with a sigh Gippal said 'fine'.

" After you came down to the deck with me, Buddy got up to get a beer. He saw us making out just as he was about to go back upstairs. When I was about to take you inside he hid behind the counters. He saw us go to the side of the house and then he went upstairs. This morning, he went to the gym and saw us and then he went back in the house. When I came in. he asked. I knew he knew so I simply told him. " Gippal explained it so simple that it all seemed logical.

" Oh." Was all I could say and he simply smirked and closed his eyes.

" Now go to sleep." He said. And I knew he meant that as a final order but I wanted to mess with him just for fun.

" Do you think he likes me?" I asked and Gippal's forehead creased for a split second before he grinned.

" No." He said moving his face toward mine. " He couldn't never like a brat like you."

" And why is that?" I asked a little offended by his quick answer.

" Because you don't know when to shut the hell up." he said and he gave me a quick kiss on the lips. He didn't say anything after that. That asshole.

_But its fine. Let it go…for now…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

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**_

_**Chap. Done. I liked it personally. Thought it was one of my cutest ones towards the end. What about you? Chap questions : **_

_**-In this chapter what were you likes and dislikes? **_

_**-How would you have changed your dislikes to be one of your likes? **_

_**-Are you happy Gippal finally gave in to his feelings? **_

_**-Is Rikku in for a whole lot of trouble with him? **_

_**-Will he ruin her like he thinks?**_

_**Tell me what you dont have to answer them in that order if you'd like. I just like hearing your opinions on the storylines. R&R. Stay Tuned. **_

_**And a quick thanks to all my reviewers. Reviews are love. You really do love me!! :P**_

_**Love me more?!**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	9. Inhale 5

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 9- Inhale**_

* * *

_Gippal…_

_It shouldn't be this hard…_

I hate this. I hate her. I hate everything about her. I hate that I'm starting to like everything about her. I hate that I'm having such strong feelings. But most of all, I hate that I can't occupy myself while this chick is at school. Pacing the kitchen like a housewife. I've been in my room. Read , or at least breezed through a good two shelves worth of my books. Buddy simply laughed this morning when he saw me. Saying it was pitiful how quick that girl has me around her finger and it was.

Its been 3 weeks since that night in the gym. And we haven't slept in separate beds since. She's either in mine or I'm in hers. She even had me sleeping with her, even when she had a cold a few days ago. Which is why I'm coming down with something now.. I've been trying to drink orange juice and all that vitamin shit but I'm getting worse. My head is hurting, my throat is too and all I want to do is lay down and go to sleep. But because of that chick, for some reason, I can't sleep unless she's there. This is a load of crap. I don't need this. I should go out and get some hardcore cold medicine. I can't have hard alcohol , which is what I'd use to sleep before I came here. So I'll settle for the next best. Beer and cold medicine.

I went upstairs and grabbed my keys. As I did, I heard Buddy in his bedroom. He was coughing and I heard some things , like pebbles, moving around on a hard surface. I was going to ignore it but when I came out of my room with my keys, my curiosity got the best of me. I put my ear to the door at first but as the noise continued, I decided to peek in. I reached for the door knob but when I turned it, it wouldn't open. He locked it. And when he heard me, the noise stopped.

" Yeah? Who is it.?" He asked. A bit startled but also a bit annoyed.

" Its me, Buddy." I said. I heard him shuffling around and putting things up.

" One sec." He said. And it took about a minute or two before he opened the door. And I had an idea why. But I was debating on whether to bring it up. He acted just like…..

" Yeah?" He says opening the door.

" I'm…um.." I began. I decided to let him handle his own issues. If I wasn't in his business, he wouldn't be in mine. " Going out to get some things. You need anything?"

" Uh…" He thought for a second. He rubbed his nose and his eyes were a bit red. Which only confirmed my suspicions. " You know, I could use some cigarettes and that's about it."

" Alright." I told him. " I'll be back in a little bit."

" I'll tell your girl that you went out." He said.

" Fuck off." I chuckled as I began to walk off. But I heard him say something as I reached the steps.

" You already do it too much." He snickers. That asshole. I'll get him later.

----

_4:32 pm_

I went to the grocery store for a six-pack and some Nyquil and cold pills. Forgot Buddy's cigs on my way out. So I stopped at a gas station on my way back. It wasn't one I usually went to but it didn't matter. It was on the way. I came in and asked for a pack of what I usually saw him smoking. As the guy got it, I spotted a chick from my AA meeting. She was wearing a hoodie and some old sweat pants. She looked like she hadn't bathed in days. Her name was Yufie. Nice chick. Didn't talk as much in the meetings unless she was asked. Sort of like me.

She was in the aisle for the snacks. Shoving small bags of food in her pocket when the guy wasn't looking. Reminded me of a friend of mine that died because he pick-pocketed to support his habit.. Looked pitiful. Felt bad for her. The guy turned around to give me the cigarettes and saw her.

" Hey, you!" He said with his Eastern accent. Sounded more Hispanic to me. " Buy something or get out of my store."

She looked shocked and shaken. Probably hadn't eaten in days. I decided to help her out. I pulled a 20 out of my pocket and handed it to him. He knew what I was getting at and simply gave her the evil eye before going back to his business. I saw Yufie begin to leave but she grabbed another snack before heading out the door. I followed after pocketing the cigarettes.

When I came out, she was just standing by a payphone. Not really looking like she had a place to go. She sat down and tore open a bag of chips she took. I began to get in my car but something in me didn't like the idea of leaving with her just sitting there. I started the car and was about to drive out the parking lot when something took over me. Instead of leaving, I rolled up in front of where she was sitting. I rolled down the window and called to her.

" Yufie!" I called. She jumped like a skits. But when she recognized me, she smiled a weak yet weary smile.

" Hey, Gippal." She said. Her voice was so sweet. Yet held such pain. " How you been?"

" Fine. I've been fine." I say.

" Good. Good." She nods absent-mindedly. " that's good."

" Look, Yufie, you waiting on someone?" I asked. I knew it was a no by the way she hesitated as she ate.

" I-I'm…..yea…..um…." She stumbled over her words.

" Look, I'll give you a ride home. Hop in." I said. It wasn't a question but I let it sound nice Not aggressive.

" no. No. That's not necessary. Not necessary." She said. She kept repeating herself.

" You don't have a place to go, do you?" I asked. It was rhetorical. But she didn't say anything. So with a bit of authority I told her. " Hop in."

She looked around for a second then with a shaky sigh. Got up. I unlocked the door and leaned away from the window as she got in. She sat defensively. Bag of chips clutched in her hands. Her hands clutched to her chest. She looked weary. Like I might turn and hit her Or hurt her. She must of had it rough. I hadn't seen her at the last few meetings. Truth be told, I hadn't gone to the last couple of meetings. I've been otherwise 'occupied'. She didn't say anything and neither did I. I drove around for a few minutes. Trying to figure out what to do.

" Where are you taking me?" She asked in a whisper. Her voice trembling.

" I don't know….you don't have anywhere to go. I can just drive around for a while if you want. We don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to." I offered. She didn't say anything for a second. Then with a sigh she finally spoke.

" Really?" She asked. Like a child who was told something good but didn't believe it. She was still wary of me. I wanted her to trust me. So I could figure out what to do and help her.

" Yeah. I'll just drive around. As long as you want. Don't have to say a thing. Sounds good to you?" I offered. She nodded softly and then sat back.

After about 10 minutes, I think she began to trust me. She started to eat her chips again and silently looked at the scenery. I drove around. I had a full tank of gas since I didn't go anywhere much. We went up and down streets. She almost choked on a chip in her 3rd bag so I offered her one of the beers in the backseat. She slowly accepted and reached back to get one. She finished that like she was dying from dehydration so I said she could get a few more.

She drank and ate silently. I thought about what I was going to do. I could take her to a shelter….but those aren't really trustworthy for space. I could take her back to my place but how would I explain that to Rikku and Buddy? So after about 2 hours of driving, I decided to check her into a hotel. I'd get her some food on the way and buy her some clothes or something. But she wouldn't do it willingly. I'd have to wait until she fell asleep.

---

_1 am_

Apparently that proved to be a long wait. She was full and sated. And I could tell she was drowsy but didn't want to fall asleep. Afraid something might happen. The sun was almost gone and I was running low on gas. But to my luck, just as the E light came on, she fell asleep. I stopped and quickly filled up my tank. I drove her to the Santa Barbara in since you didn't have to go past a concierge to get to your room..

I parked and went in to get her a room. I got her the only available room. And of course it would be the Penthouse Boardroom. Pissed me off but I still got her the room for two weeks. I came back and picked her up bridal style out of the car, carrying her to the room.

She didn't wake a bit as I set her on the bed. She was out. Must haven't slept in days. She was snoring. I left one of the keys on the end table. I took the spare and went to get her some food and what not at a nearby store. I got her a shirt or two from there as well. I could only find like one pair of jeans that looked like they could fit her. She was about Rikku's size so I bought it.

I came back about 40 minutes later and she was still out. I put the food up and set her clothes on the table by the window. I explained ,on a note, what I did and for her to call me if she needed anything. I gave her my house phone and let some cash on the end table. It was almost 2 and I knew Rikku and Buddy would be wondering where I was, so I put the note by the key and left.

----

_3:15 am _

It took a while to get from the hotel to the house and it was dark when I pulled into the garage and hoped I didn't wake anyone. I got out and it seemed the garage door closed louder than usual. I went in and found the downstairs vacant. No one was waiting down here for me or staying up late. So I snuck upstairs, didn't know why I was sneaking. Its not like I was cheating on Rikku. We weren't really going out. At least…I didn't consider her my girlfriend. My girl?…..Maybe. But not girlfriend. And plus, I was helping a friend in need. Its not like I fucked her. We just ran into each other and she was in need.

As I came into my room, I find a site that makes me feel guilty like I was sleeping. My side table lamp is on. And on my bed in her pajamas, was Rikku. She laid with the covers up to her midsection and a book lying open on her lap. I sigh. This makes me feel bad now. She was waiting up for me. This shouldn't make me feel bad because I didn't ask her to wait. But it does because she did.

I go to my bathroom and put the Nyquil and cold medicine pills on the counter. I took some and some of the pills. I strip down to my boxers and throw on some sweatpants. When I come out, I take the book off Rikku and put it up. I come back and turn off the lamp. I slide my hands under the covers and her and slide her over a bit. She stirs but doesn't wake up. I get into bed with her and pull the covers over myself. When I put my arm over her waist and pull her to mold against me, she sighs contently.

And as we lay here in the sheets and sleep begins to come due to the medicine, I couldn't help but worry about Yufie. She was a nice girl and seemed like she was doing better than me. And to see her like that…made me wonder if I had any hope. I could only worry about that in my sleep because the medicine soon claimed my consciousness.

---

I wake up to the sound of the phone ringing. I, couldn't comprehend at first. Or get my body to move. But then I remembered that it could be Yufie, and managed to bring my arm from around Rikku waist. I reached behind my head in the general area of the phone. After fumbling with it for a second, I finally got it to my ear.

" Hello?" I asked. My voice raspy from sleep. My tongue felt like sand paper.

I heard a shaky breathe on the other end.

" Gippal….."It was Yufie. I didn't know if Rikku was awake or not. But I thought it would be safe to sit up for this phone call. I propped myself up on one elbow and tried to wake up a bit to pay attention.

" Yu-" I began to say her name. But with Rikku by me, I thought better of it. " Hey. You okay?"

"y-yea. I just…wanted to thank you. No one has ever been this nice to me. And I wanted to say that." She sounded nervous. Made me grin.

"Its fine. It was a friend helping a friend. That's what friends do." I told her.

" Well, I know its really early. I just wanted to say Thanks." She drifted off for a second. " I'll be leaving first thing in the morning so don't worry-"

" No. No. Don't worry about it. Its paid for two weeks. You just get yourself together." I informed her. " No need to worry about that."

" Thanks…..Um…. I don't know where to start though. Everything has gotten so…..complicated. And hard. You'd be wasting your time on me." I didn't like hearing Yufie talking about herself so badly. Discouraged me and her at the same time.

" Look, what would be a waste is if you didn't try. Now I'll come over there um-" I opened my eyes and looked behind me at the clock. 4:15 am. " At 10 and we'll figure out where you can start okay?"

"I-….Okay" She says after a long moment and sigh. And I told her I'll see her later. As I hung up the phone, Rikku stirred and I don't know why but it scared me. I thought she was going to wake up and ask who I was talking to. And just to make my fear realized. She stretches as I turn back and put my arm around her waist.

" Who was that?" She yawned. " Uncle Rin?"

"Yea." I quickly lied.

" Why so early?" She sighed. Which made me sigh because I felt bad for lying.

" Just being him. Now go back to sleep." I told her. I kissed her neck and she sighed contently and scooted closer to me. But it took me a while to fall back to sleep. I felt guilty. Why'd I lie to her? Why do I have to? Why do I feel like I'm cheating? Why does this chick got me so bad? I shouldn't feel guilty because of this chick. She shouldn't be this important to me.

_It shouldn't be this hard…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

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**_

_**Okay so that's Chap. …whatever number. I'm going to work on a chap for C.A.R.O.T for the patient readers who've been waiting. And then a AYWB chap. So bear with me. My goal is to finish all three of these stories, or at least 2 by August. **_

_**Chap. Question: **_

_**Put yourself in Gippal's position, would you have done the same? How would you have done the events in this chapter differently? Is Gippal's guilt just his mind or does it hold more meaning to it?**_

_**Tell me what you think. R&R.**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	10. Exhale 5

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Before I start this chapter. I liked to thank the voters who decided which story I'd be working on until July. So if you don't like it…..oh well. You should've voted. And I want to thank all reviews and those who answered the questions. And finally, I am looking for people to be on my Rikku/Gippal fanfic community staff. So if you want to be in it PM me by fanfic. **_

_**That's it. Enjoy the chapter. Xoxo!**_

_**Chapter 10- Exhale**_

* * *

_Rikku…._

_Monster? How should I feel?_

Things are different. And when things change after changing, its never good. Gippal and I have been…'cozy' for about a month and a half now. He and I…..our relationship has gotten really close. He opens up to me more. We talk all the time. Play around. He makes me laugh. I make him smile. We're around each other almost all the time. And….I think I've fallen for him. Hard. But things have changed kind of. Only he doesn't know that I know they've changed. And I don't think I want him to know. See , how I found out that things have changed is earlier this week. Tuesday. About 4 days ago.

--- { Flashback}---

_I woke up around 7:30 and found Gippal asleep next to me with his arms wrapped around my waist like usual. I spent 5 minutes messing with him so he'll wake up to. Like usual. I say I'm going to shower and he'll try to come with me. Which is a big mistake because I'll never get clean. _

" _Go shower" I tell him like I do every morning. With a giggle as he tackles me to the bed._

" _Where?" He always says with lust burning in his eyes._

" _In your shower." I say. Or I say " In my shower." Depends on whose bed we're in. That morning we were in my bed. _

" _You know you want to come with me." He counters and then gives me an all too persuasive kiss as his hands grope me. But just when my mind shouts to say ' hell yea. Let's go' he gets up, with one final ,quick peck on the lips, and heads off to shower in the other shower. _

_About 8:45, after making out a bit after showering, we manage to get dressed and head downstairs and get some breakfast. Buddy, usually, isn't out of his room yet, was sitting at the island. Eating a muffin and drinking some juice. Not beer for once. I was surprised and teased him about it. Gippal grabbed himself a bottle of water and I told him to get met a bottle of apple juice as I get a muffin as well.. He and I leave a few minutes later and he takes me to school. _

_He never drops me off in front of school. Doesn't like the attention it gave him and his mustang the one time he did it. So as he pulled to the corner down the street, I turned and asked him If he wanted to go to a movie with Buddy and I. He said he'd pass but rent a few movies so we could watch them. We made quick chit chat about what movies we liked and he said I should get to school just as his phone began to ring. I leaned over and gave him a kiss. He seemed distracted as he quickly answered his phone. _

_When I got out, he drove off with a complex look on his face. Like he had just heard something that either confused him or angered/worried him. I just brushed it off as something I shouldn't worry about and went to school. I had a normal no eventful day until lunch. Paine and Yuna, my new best friends, told me about a party that Yuna's college boyfriend, Tidus, was throwing. Yuna invited me because Paine said she couldn't come. I was about to decline because it was Saturday and I wasn't sure what I may do with him. But instead I told her I'll think about it. She said she'd call me later in the week to find out what I decided because she knew I forgot. _

_When I got out of school, I was expecting Gippal to be there but he wasn't. I missed the bus, so I caught a ride from Paine. I lost 10 respect points, which brought me down to _

_87. I had lost 3 the day before and it just wasn't fun. I slipped out in the front during lunch and took Paine with me into the fountain. Paine wet is a very painful experience. But when she dropped me off, I came in to find the house quiet. No Gippal in the living room waiting for me to come home. No Buddy in the kitchen watching TV from the island. It was too quiet. _

_I set my book bag down by the front door and headed upstairs to see if anyone was home. And if not, where they had gone. I came up stairs to find Buddy's door closed. I walked up to it quietly and heard some kind of coughing. It was muffled and I could barely make it out. But then it got a bit clearer as I heard something fall. It was followed by a sound of tiny pebble like things falling on a hard surface. Cussing ensued and I got curious. So with the slightest bit of sound, I turned the knob and peeked in through a slant. _

_And what I saw kind of confused me. Buddy was at his desk and his hand was swiping things toward him. I peeked in a bit more on my tip toes to see what and I saw a colorful assortment of pills. Blue, red yellow, white. He was pushing them all into one big prescription bottle. I wanted to see if I could read it better but I leaned too far forward and fell into his room. I knew I shocked him. He swirled around in the desk chair and hid the bottle behind him. Hell, I shocked myself. I quickly scrambled to my feet and tried to come up with a quick way out of this. _

" _Stop, Gippal." I whined panicky as I swatted at someone in the doorway that wasn't there. Buddy looked confused. But didn't move to get up. " Stop._

" _I'm sorry. Gippal was playing around and pushed me too hard." I apologized and quickly left to retreat to my room. He didn't follow. And as I went to my room, I saw Gippal wasn't in his. Nor was he waiting in mine. And that got to me. But I told myself he had some errand to do. Or he had that meeting he had. The A.A. meeting. But then again, he hasn't been going to his meetings for a while. He's here with me every night. _

_But still, I decided to go to his room and finish that book I started that last night he came home late. I went to go get it and saw his pants on the chair. I decided I could also do some laundry while I'm at it. I had a lot of dirty clothes since Gippal and I started sleeping in the same bed. _

_I went down with my dirty hamper and some of his dirty clothes and began to start a load. As I began to clean out the pockets of the clothes, I came along something I never expected to find. Had never seen in person. But I knew exactly what it was. It wasn't hard to mistake the small inch sized bag with white substance for anything else. I just…didn't expect to find it in Gippal's jeans. He was a recovering addict. Recovering. Had he gone back to his old ways? _

_I started the load of laundry and then went in my room. I sat there for , I don't know how long, trying to rack my brain on what Gippal had done. Had he gone back to using? He couldn't have. He's been with me every night…..well almost every night. There were nights where I fell asleep waiting for him. And then in the middle of the night, I would feel him pull me to him. And then wake up and he was there. His arms wrapped around me, his clothes strewn on the nearest chair or surface. His face buried in the crook of my neck. But he smelled different. I couldn't put my finger on it. Had those nights he hadn't come back until late…….had that been when it occurred? _

_I couldn't think about it anymore. I shoved the small white bag in my desk drawer behind some old photos and what-nots. I showered and went to bed. Gippal still not there. I kept telling myself to not worry about it. Not now. He'll tell me when he was ready. It couldn't be what I think it was. It couldn't be. But again that night, he came back late and got into bed with me. Again he came back late. I kept telling myself it was nothing. It was nothing. _

--- { End Flashback}---

And now that things have unspoken changes….I don't know what's going to happen. I don't feel right by him anymore. I still have a comfort…but I want him to tell me. Every time I look at him, I'm begging him to tell me. When he leaves for long periods of time, my mind goes crazy. My mind swims in ideas of what he could be doing. I haven't found anymore drugs. And he hasn't said anything about the small bag I took out of his pants.

So what's going to happen? How will it affect me now that I've began to fall for him so hard? How do I stop falling when he's around? He holds me the same, if not even more tender. His kisses, his smile, his laugh….its all too warm. Too comforting. Should I do what I have to do to break free? Or try and ……god I don't know.

Which is why I decided that now was a better time than any to go to that party with Yuna. It came to me as such a simple solution. I came back from school and found Gippal not here. Again. It was Friday that day so he couldn't say he was in one of his meetings. Buddy was passed out on the couch. I decided he was a case on its own. I'd investigate that later. And the whole house just….seemed different. Tense? Not exactly. Depressing? Yeah. The secrets did make it depressing because that's how my dad's drinking problem started. And ended.

Then Yuna called. Asked if I was going. And taking one final look at the depressing atmosphere I told her 'Definitely' So that's why today, I'm pampering myself. Gippal said he had to go out and run an errand. It was after he got a phone call. I shrugged and went to take a bath. I stayed in there for about 2 hours. The water had gone from hot to luke warm. The bubbles had turned to suds. And I had yet to move. I was probably a prune by now. But my mind was too occupied to worry. I hated that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I hate that it bothered me. I hate that he still hasn't told me. But were not committed or obligated to each other in any way. He and I are forced into each other.

Forced……..

'God! I need to leave.' I think. It was about 6 in the evening.

So I finish bathing and go to get ready in my room. After I finish drying my hair, lotion up and putting on my bra and underwear I hear my bedroom door open. Although I had my back to the door as I sat on the bed, I knew it was Gippal. He crawled onto the bed behind me and his lips softly pressed against my exposed shoulder. His hand slowly came up my back in a slow arousing movement. But I tried not to pay him any mind.

A part of me was completely pissed about him not telling me, and it was beginning to win over the part that was worried about him not telling me. I shrugged off his hand and moved off the bed to head to my closet.

" What's wrong with you?" He asked me. I heard him lay down on the bed by the way the springs protested at the weight of his muscular body.

" Nothing." I lied. I came into my closet and turned on the light, closing the door behind me. I scanned the closet for an outfit to wear for the party. Taking out a few random things only to put them back. I decided that since Yuna didn't say the party wasn't casual, I could wear a skirt and a shirt. Gippal didn't say anything for a few moments. I had picked out an outfit to wear by the time he did say something.

" What are you doing?" He called to me.

" Getting dressed." I told him through the closet door as I pulled on the my Tripp red plaid and chain tutu skirt.

" Why?" He asked. I was now putting on my Tripp rose lace cami.

" I'm going to a party and I don't think I could show up naked." I said to him.

I heard him chuckle and mumbles something to himself like ' you could if it were my party.' But I ignored it. I looked for these boots that My friends back home got me They would go with this outfit perfectly. The fabric part of the boots were a lacy red Victorian kind of thing. The toe and heel of the boots were black leather and they laced up the front. And it had a cute small black bow tied around the calf of the boot.

" What kind of party are you going to?" He asked and I heard his voice getting closer. But I paid him no mind and continued scrimmaging for the boots. I found them in a box in the back of the closet.

" I don't know. I think it's a house party. A friend of mine invited me." I told him. I heard the closet door open as I sat on the nearby unpacked boxes to put on the boots.

" Why didn't you tell me?" Oh the irony in that question. But I didn't respond for a moment. I just finished lacing up my boots.

" Didn't know I had to, Uncle Rin." I said with sarcasm. I got up and grabbed a small black clutch to put some lip gloss and cell phone in.

" No…I'm not trying to be like Uncle Rin. I just didn't know. And it would be nice if you had told me so I wouldn't be left wondering where the hell you disappeared to," He said to me. He leaned against the doorframe of the closet door. I had to chuckle at that. He just would have liked it if I told him. Wouldn't we both like that.

" Well, I never thought to." I said a bit annoyed. My annoyance was getting to me. I had to get out of here.

" Whoa, I sense some hostility" Gippal puts up his hands like a suspect to a cop. " did I strike a hidden nerve?"

" No." I say going to my desk and getting my cell phone from the charger. I shove that in the bag and think about where I put that cut strawberry gloss I had the other night.

"Then what's up with you? You seem pissed or something lately." he questioned me. He didn't sound like he's moved from the closet. I remember at that moment where I put the lip gloss and slide open my desk drawer without thinking. And sliding to the front of the drawer along with my lip gloss was the little bag of white.

The sight of it made me freeze for a moment and brought my anger to a lower level compared to my hurt. And I couldn't understand why I was hurt. Why could he hurt after such a short amount of time without doing anything. Damn him. I should get rid of it while I'm out. I could toss it or something. So with that thought, it grabbed it with my lip gloss and shoved it in my black clutch before I closed it.

" Nothings wrong with me." I told him. He gave me a look that I didn't understand but I brushed it off as the doorbell rang. " That's my friend. I have to go."

" What time will you be back?" He asked me as I headed to my door. I felt like being a bit like him right now so I replied how I thought he would.

" Don't know. I'll let you know." I said.

He didn't respond to that and just let me go. And he needed to because right now he had no right to question me. I wasn't like him. Doing drugs behind peoples backs. Asshole…

-----

_11:45 pm_

The party Yuna was talking about was at a nearby apartment complex near the school. The place was packed. It was in a combination of 3 apartments too. Music blaring. Drinking. Wild antics. Drunken antics. I couldn't even get word in edge wise. But strangely I was having fun. Yuna had found her boyfriend and they had disappeared somewhere. I was chatting up some friends from school. And I was having a blast.

That is until this one drunk jerk came up to me and grabbed my ass. He was completely wasted by the way he smelled and staggered. The kids from my school didn't even notice. They were too busy in the party. I knew he was trying to hit on me but by his slurs it was barely comprehensive. I think he said something along the lines of "Were you eyeing me."

" No.." I said. A little bit gaggish by the way his breathe smelled.

I had to get out of there. I didn't even pay any mind to what he said as I began to weave my way through the crowd and to the nearest escape. Which, from the drunk, was the stairs. It wasn't as crowded upstairs but I still felt crowded. I had to get out of there. I went to every door. 3 were 'occupied' bedrooms. But the 4th one I got to was an empty bathroom. And for this wild party, surprisingly clean.

I hurried in and closed and locked the door. I decided to wait til the drunk went away.

In the meantime, I decided to occupy myself. First I looked around the bathroom and then I looked out the window. It was too dark to see anything on the second floor. I was getting bored fast and thought for a second that I could go back to the party, but then I knew drunks well. They were persistent. Then I remembered the small bag of white in my purse.

My mind raced on what I should do with it. A part said flush it. But then a huge part, mainly caused by the two drinks I had, thought about how it would feel to try it. I had seen some of my friends at my old school do it. I knew I could if I wanted to. I could try it once. To see what its like. Gippal once described to me what it was like…but I think he was talking about it when you inject it straight to the blood stream. I've only seen it been sniffed.

_Imagine a euphoric orgasm but 10 times more potent…_

His words sang in my head. And I think that's what sealed the deal. I wanted to feel that. Maybe it was rebellion, or anger, or simple curiosity. But as I set up the white substance on the edge of the tub, I found myself craving to try this. And when I took that first sniff, everything was so strong at first. Burned my nose. Made my eyes water. But my head was swimming in a few moments. In an amazing high. I wanted more of the high. More of this swimming feeling.

And before I knew it one try turned into the whole small bag's contents being gone. And I was swimming. I sat with my back to the tub and rested my head back. I felt too damn good to move. I just wanted to lay here. Feel this feeling. This was totally better than an orgasm. And if this was when it was sniffed then hell, just imagine it when you put it straight into the blood stream. God.. This was some kind of appealing monster.

It had my head singing. Or at least I thought it did. But apparently, it was only my cell phone. I reached next to me lazily and pulled out my phone. I fumbled with it a minute before I could remember how to use it.

" hello?" I giggled. I don't know why but I did.

" Rikku?" It was Yuna.

" Yunie!" I squealed. " Yunie! How are you?"

" How are you? I should ask 'where are you'?" She sounded panicked.

" Silly Yunie. I'm swimming." I said. That made me feel like swimming. I reached behind me and turned on the tub.

" Swimming?!" Yunie was surprised. I could tell.

" Yep." I say. I stock the tub and sit in it. My but gets wet immediately. But I find it fun. And funny.

" Rikku, where are you? Stop playing. We should get out of here." She told me. But I wasn't really paying attention. I let my legs hand out of the tub and rested my head against the opposite side.

" I told you I'm swimming Yunie" I said again. I told her once. God, I tell you. Some people just don't listen.

" Rikku, where are you swimming."

" In the bathroom…" I kind of slurred. Then everything began to get hazy. Things got incoherent. My hand slipped to the side and my phone fell onto the floor and just like that everything went black. People call this drug a monster. But I cant fell anything wrong with it right now. In fact I suddenly want more. I'm completely at peace because of this 'monster'. So this is a monster huh? I think I like it.

_Monster…How should I feel?_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

_**

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**_

_**Okay. That's the story so far. Shocker huh? As I said before, looking for Community staff members. Contact me if you want to be apart of it. And this is the story I will be focusing on. Than you to all voters and reviewers. This chap.'s question is **_

_**How do you feel about Rikku's judgments in this chapter? Did you see it coming? How do you think it will affect R/G's relationship? Is Gippal right about ruining her now? Why do you think he had the bag? **_

_**Let me know what you think. R&R. Stay tuned for next chap. Major events.**_

_**Xoxo, **_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	11. inhale 6

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Before I start this chapter. I'd like to thank the voters who decided which story I'd be working on until July. So if you don't like it…too bad..oh well. You should've voted. And I want to thank all reviews and those who answered the questions. And finally, I am looking for people to be on my Rikku/Gippal fanfic community staff. So if you want to be in it PM me by fanfic. **_

_**That's it. Enjoy the chapter. Xoxo!**_

_**Chapter 11- Inhale**_

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_Gippal..._

_This part is what hurts the most…_

Shit! I can't take this. Why the hell can't I function without this chick around anymore? I could do it before she came along. Why can't I do it now? She's been gone, what 3 or 4 hours? This is pitiful. I don't have an appetite. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like bothering Buddy ( who is locked up in his room.). And worst of all, I don't even feel right in either of our beds without her. The comfort isn't there. _She isn't there_. I can't close my eyes without even thinking about her.

So here I am, sitting at my desk. Brooding and anxiously anticipating her arrival. I watch the moon light the ocean in a shimmering stream. All I could think about was why she was late. She wasn't late actually. She never did tell me when she was coming back. Didn't say much to me actually. Hasn't said much to me lately. Gave me a bit of a cold shoulder. But I just brushed it off to look like I didn't notice. But I had an idea as to why she would act this way towards me.

I had been going out to check on Yuffie a lot lately. She's getting better. Going back to meetings. I moved her into an apartment complex. It was about 30 minutes away from here. I got her settled in and we keep in contact. I bought a cell phone. But only so she could call that instead of the house phone. Didn't want Rikku to answer the house phone and hear Yuffie. That would lead to too much stress. Although, one thing has been bothering me.

Yuffie had a slip up a week back. Caught her with a bag of heroin. She swore she wasn't going tot do anything with it. She had it when she first met me. I didn't believe her but I took the bag and told her to be careful and not slip up. I slipped in my jean pocket on the way out of her apartment. And I lost it. Maybe its in my car or something. But a part of me is scared that Rikku might of found it. Might have………

No. She couldn't. Then that's means I really am ruining her. She wouldn't do that. I couldn't ruin her that bad. She didn't show any signs of using. Seemed normal today. Except for the cold shoulder. The only reason she's late is because she got caught up at the party.

_Doing drugs…_

No. No she isn't. I didn't ruin her. She is fine. May be a bit drunk but either than that she's…

_High. Come on. Who are you fooling? You ruin everyone that gets close to you_.

No. No . I don't. I can't. Not her. Not Rikku. She's fine. She's fine. For once in my life, I thought she was the one thing I got right.

_RingRingRing _

The phone rings. Interrupting my mental battle with myself. I get up and go to answer it. I don't recognize the number but answer anyway. Maybe she's calling from her friends phone. I answer on the third ring so I don't seem like I was waiting by the phone.

" Hello?" I answer. Trying to sound like I had just woken up. I expected Rikku's voice on the other end. But I got someone totally different.

" H-hello…" The voice was weak and shaky. " Is this Gippal?"

" Yea…Who is this?" I asked and then like a bomb the girl ranted off so fast I could barely catch her. She sounded so panicked it kind of scared me. But what scared me the most was what she said. Or what I could catch of what she was saying over the loud music in the background.

" This is Yuna. You don't know me. I'm a friend of Rikku. We went to this party and I had hung out with my boyfriend while Rikku hung out with some of our friends. I noticed it was getting late so I called her around 11 to say we should leave. She sounded drunk and slurrish. Saying she was swimming. She giggled a lot but wouldn't tell me where she was at first. Then she said she was upstairs in the bathroom swimming. But I didn't know which one because the party was in like 3 or 2 different apartments." She gasped some air.

" So I checked each upstairs bathroom. I finally came to the one I found locked and closed. There was this sound of running water and the floor outside the bathroom was soaked and I panicked and I think she's in there and I don't know what's wrong with her because I've been knocking for almost 30 minutes now and I didn't know who else to call because my boyfriend left and I live in an apartment with my cousin who is out of town and-"

" Wait! Slow down." I interrupt. I couldn't take her annoying and panicked ranting any longer. I told her calmly and as clearly as possible. " Now in 6 words or less, tell me what's going on. And why Rikku isn't talking to me."

And with a few deep breaths she said the words that made my heart stop and jump into my throat. " It's Rikku. I think she's hurt."

----

So I find myself speeding to the place the Yuna chick on the phone told me where the party was. I made a record of dressing in 1 minute in a pair of sweat pants, an old t-shirt, and some sneakers. I was out of the house in another 2 minutes and nearly there in less time I told her it would take. I found my self panicking. My heart beating a thousand beats a minute at the thought of Rikku being hurt.

I used the adrenaline it gave me to drive faster. I came to a screeching stop in the alley between one apartment building and the one they were in. I ran to the apartment and weaved through the crowd with a determination. And made it to my objective in split seconds, it felt like. But still I felt that I couldn't move quick enough, I saw the panicked girl clutching her phone and purse to her chest. Tears threatening her eyes. I didn't take the time to calm her. All that mattered was Rikku. I watched as she pointed to the locked bathroom door and saw the puddle of water pooling out of it.

Without second thought, I walked up to the bathroom door and kicked it in. And there was the horrified sight that haunted my mind. The thought that had proven I had ruined her. Water was all over the floor. Coming in streams from a bathtub where two petite legs stuck out the side. I knew it was Rikku by the boots she put on earlier. But I knew if I only saw legs, the rest of her was under the water.

I rushed over and took her out of the tub bridal style. Laying her on the floor, I checked her pulse and breathing. She was bluish. That was never a good sign. I knew she wasn't breathing. So I did something I knew how to do well, living with druggies and drunks. CPR. I could only think 1,2,3 breathe as I did compressions and fed air from my lungs to hers.

_1,2,3,breathe……1,2,3 breathe…….1,2,3 breathe.._

I had to of repeated it for about 4 minutes but I refused to quit. I refused to let the reality of my mistakes take her from me. I wouldn't have another life on my hands that I've ruined. The first being my own. And then like a miracle. She coughed. Water spurted from her mouth and she began coughing for air. Gasping. I sat her up a bit and patted her back, letting her clear her lungs of the water. All I could do for that moment was sigh relief. But that was soon replaced by furry, Because as I looked down at the ground. I noticed a certain empty bag. A familiar bag. And the empty contents only meant one thing. Which was confirmed by the dazed high look Rikku had as she clutched her head. I was just about to speak when the Yuna chick came in. Still panicked. This reason was unknown to me.

" The cops are here." She said. And I heard sirens. A lot of sirens. And I panicked. Rikku was high. The bathroom was flooded and the last thing I need was an arrest on my hands. Uncle Rin would already kill me for Rikku, but an arrest he'd send me to rehab for sure. So I helped Rikku up and looked to the window. I noticed a fire escape outside on my way here. I hoped it was outside this bathroom.

I told the Yuna chick to follow me as I picked Rikku up bridal style. We somehow managed to get Rikku out on the fire escape, as high as she was, after Yuna. It was just as we heard the cops coming through yelling for no one to leave. The Yuna chick was panicking as she tried to hold Rikku up. I was calm enough. I had been through this. I had done this before. I mean sure, 3 out of 7 times, I got arrested but it was never a problem. Then again, my coach was always here to bail me out. Or uncle Rin was.

Now I was getting a bit anxious. I had to get the fuck out of here. I was tryna stay low. I wasn't trying to get caught by the cops. That would have the media here in a second. And I'd be all over the news. They're already pounding me about having that guy kick my ass in that last match. And it doesn't help that I have shown my face in almost a year. But my publicist and coach are handling that. Now I have to handle this problem I've created with Rikku. I knew I should of never let her in. I did only end up ruining her.

---

_1 am_

After I took the Yuna chick to her car, down the block, I took a soaking wet Rikku home. She was too high to notice anything and was just flopped down in the back seat. Probably soaking my back seat. Which is why I was glad it was leather. I tried to figure out what to do to make sure Buddy doesn't see her. Even though he'd probably be pilled up right now. I knew he had a problem too. I just decided to handle mine first. He could handle himself for a while. I didn't need to worry about that. Not now. I needed to deal with Rikku. Break off whatever is forming with us. Then I can get her out of my head and get on with fixing me.

So I pulled into the garage, deciding it will be safe to take her in through the kitchen. Nobody would be awake. I watched as the garage closed manually and then went to get Rikku. I got her out, took a minute, but I finally did. Those saying about skinny chicks like ' she's 110 lbs soaking wet' were wrong. Rikku was about 120 I would guess and soaking wet and high made her feel 135 to me. I struggled with her while I tried to close the door to the car and the garage. I didn't even bother locking any of them.

I could of sworn I heard Buddy as I took her up the stairs but I didn't mind it. I was too occupied with Rikku. Who , although could not walk, found the ability to fuck with my pants. But I understood. Even when I was high, I was always horny as hell. So I tried to pry her hands off as I stopped to momentarily open her bedroom door.

" Gippal!" She cooed to me smiling. Like she had just seen me. Had she? I couldn't believe she was so unobservant. But still she was able to fumble with my pants.

" Rikku, stop" I told her stilling her hands. "We got to get you out of those wet clothes."

"No, you first." She seductively said with a mischievous grin. And although, she could barely stand while she was high, she sure as hell had some upper body strength because she shoved me against the door frame. Although it didn't hurt, I was surprised I was actually moved by this skinny little chick. I usually got really horny when I was high. But she got really aggressive. Kind of turned me on.

But I shook my head of the feeling and moved to push her away as she advanced to kiss me. Even wet, she had this alluring scent though. I felt primal when I smelt it. Wanting nothing more than to drag her to my room like a caveman and have my way with her for hours. If only she wasn't high…..

_She's high… one step to ruining her down… what will you do next? _With that sudden reminder, I grew angry. Fuming mad. I don't know at who I was mad at though. Her for getting high, or me for bringing the drugs. I just knew that I wasn't as gentle as I could have been when I pushed her into her bedroom. I pushed the door a little to hard and it slammed. Buddy probably knew we were back now.

" Gippal.." She whimpered, " Don't be mean to me."

" Whatever, Rikku." I told her as I went to her closet. "Get undressed."

It sounded harsh but I didn't care. I was getting pissed just thinking about her current state. If I could get anymore pissed. This is exactly why I kept my distance. Or tried anyway. To avoid this. But she kept breaking me down. Til I couldn't do anything but succumb to her. She has this hold on me and she doesn't even know it. And I let her have this hold. It makes me sick. Yet I cant help but shiver at the thought of what that hold causes to me emotionally. Was I falling for this chick? Well, it didn't matter. I had to end this thing between us before she ended up like me.

"Rikku, didn't I say get undressed?" I told her when I came back with a pair of her underwear and a t-shirt. She laid on the bed face first not moving.

She didn't respond as I came over to the bed. I leaned onto the bed and nudged her. " Hey. You listening?"

No response. She didn't move or budge. I momentarily panicked and turned her over, thinking she had taken too much and it had begun to overdose. But when I turned her on her back she whined. I sighed a bit relieved and put the clothes by her.

" Get undressed and change." I told her. She didn't move at first but as I began to get up from the bed she grabbed my wrist.

" I don't want to." She whined. I simply sighed and decided to be a bit nicer. She wasn't to blame for this. I was. I gave her the opportunity. I t was my fault. Her being high was a result of me being stupid. Being weak. Letting too many people in.

" Well, if you don't you'll catch cold from being wet." I told her in a gentler tone. I sat down on the bed beside her and took her hand from my wrist. She was probably wetting her cover now.

" I don't wanna. You do it?" She almost cooed. I swallowed a lump in my throat. Undressing Rikku. I'd done it many times before but that always led to one thing. A thing that we definitely couldn't do anymore. For both our sanity.

" No. I can't. I-" I began to protest but then she got up and came inches away from my face.

' Why not? You've done it a million times before." Her voice had gotten husky. And that lump in my throat had reappeared. I had never been nervous in front of a girl before. Damn this chick.

" I-" But before I could protest or even back away. She took my lips for her own. Kissing in an all too intoxicating way. My resolve began to dissolve and I found our kiss getting more and more intense. Soon I had her straddling me. My clothes becoming wet from hers being pressed against me.

" No, Ri-" I tried to say around her lips. My mind trying to fight my body. I think I should've said 'no Gippal' instead. But my mind didn't win and soon my hands were stripping her of her clothes. She of mine. And I had her pressed into the mattress, my body flush on top of hers. Skin on heated skin. Our breathes ragged from non stop kissing for 10 straight minutes. And I didn't think. I was too far gone.

I didn't worry about protection. It only came into my mind when she moaned my name as I entered her. I froze for a moment. Debating whether to pull out or not. I was sure I was already oozing pre-cum from the pleasure of her moist core contracting around me. I had to bite back a moan myself from the satisfaction. I was screwing up more and more as time ticked by. I couldn't stop my body from moving. She held my gaze. Lust filled eyes bore into each other. And soon I was gone. I had her. There on that bed. Even in the state she was in.

And when I cried out her name in a mind blowing orgasm. My head spun as I slowly came down. But I didn't stop moving until she got hers. I couldn't help but stay in her for a moment longer. The deed had been done anyway. So what would be the problem to share our last time a while long. Because I knew the moment we pulled apart. I would leave and never let her near me again. So I wanted to remember us like this.

Her legs wrapped around me. Heart beat like a drum against my chest. Her sweet lips brushing against mine. Our bodies joined to the point where they may not come apart. And my mind at momentary peace. I wanted to remember everything. For when I ended this, the memory would be all that remained. This memory would be all that I allowed myself to think about on the nights where I wished I could be like this with her. This was it.

After I finished, and regained my control, I had her change into the clothes I got. I tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead. Whispering ' I'm sorry'. I knew she couldn't hear me but still. I felt it need to be said for what she would endure. I went to get some aspirin and water. She'd need it in the morning. I also got some pepto for her. I waited til she fell asleep. Just watching her. Memorizing what she looked like sleeping next to me. Then.. I left. Not to another room. Not to my room.

I grabbed the small bag of clothes that I kept just in case I ran off and I left. I got in my car and as I drove off, leaving the house in the distance, I prayed she forget me and save herself. She may want more but I prayed buddy would stop her. I need a few days to be by myself and think about what I'm going to do.

In the time I take to think, I prayed she begin to hate me. Because then at least for one of us it wouldn't be so hard. It wouldn't hurt so much. At least one of us could find someone good for them. At least one of us could be happy. At least I wouldn't ruin her. But as I got on the high way. I couldn't help but feel a strange pain in the pit of my stomach. A pain I knew the cause of. My infatuation with the girl I would ruin if I didn't leave. Which is why I knew I had to. But….

_This part is what hurts the most…_

_**To Be Continued…**_

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_**Chap. Done. I hope you enjoy. I think I did enjoy writing this one a bit. But If you think this is drama, I plan on a whole lot more in the upcoming chapters. I have a little moment for Gippal coming up and I'm bringing in Nhadala and Shinhra. Don't think I've forgotten about Buddy's problem. I may cover that in the next 1 or 2 chapters. Just tell me what you think about the chap. And also I have the chap question.. **_

_**If put in Gippal's Position, do you think you would have made the same choice. What other options could he possibly have? What do you think Rikku's reaction will be in the morning when she wakes up?**_

_**Tell me about it! R&R **_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	12. Exhale 6

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 12- Exhale**_

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_Rikku..._

_I'll never let this go…_

A pounding pain. In my head. I couldn't stand the sudden brightness of the room. My body hurt. I couldn't even think straight. And I felt horrible. I needed some water or something. I got up with the cover to get some from the kitchen, but the sudden movement wasn't a favorite of my stomach and I felt its contents coming back they way they came. I ran to the bathroom and just barely made it to the toilet before I began to heave up everything. I was surprised blood didn't start coming up. I stayed hovered over the toilet for minutes before I rest my head against it. I don't know how long I was there until someone came knocking on the door. I had hoped Gippal would come soon enough.

" Rikku…Rikku, are you in here?" That wasn't Gippal. It was Buddy.

I was going to say I'm here but I barfed in the toilet instead. He got the idea and found me. I he first words out of his mouth were way too loud and I groaned in protest.

" Wow, what kind of party did you go to last night? You looked fucked up." He chuckled in a lower tone.

" Up yours Tinker bell." I managed to groan.

" Okay, my bad." He chuckled. " Take it easy. I just came in to see if you've seen Gippal. Uncle Rin called earlier and Gippal wasn't around."

He wasn't? Probably snuck out to where ever he was sneaking out to. He wont be back until morning. I wonder how I got home for a second but even that causes me to barf.

" How about I get you some aspirin." Buddy says. I'm about to protest when he says something else. " God, your vomiting like Gippal the day after a hit."

I think he was trying to joke but caught on in his comment. I flush the toilet and stay where I am. I can think a bit better now. I made some poor decisions yesterday. I took that heroin with an already clouded mind and I made a bad decision. All I can remember is my phone ringing and me telling Yunie I was swimming, Yunie!! She must have taken me home. I should call her and apologize and thank her. I just need to get over barfing first.

" Rikku, did you….." He began to ask me but then stopped himself. But I guess he decided to ask me questions when I could hear them. Not when I was doing some loud as barfing.

---

11:23 am

I lay face down on the bed trying to remember what the hell happened last night. I noticed I wasn't wearing my outfit from last night. And that part of my bed was damp. My hair was a bit tangled too. It only did that when it got wet and I don't brush it out. I tried to remember things from last night by closing my eyes. But each time I did only flashes of images came to mind. And then I'd get a taste of the headache my aspirin was fighting and I'd have to stop. There are few things I can remember from that night.

The guy bothering me. Me going to a bathroom upstairs. I kept thinking about how pissed I was at Gippal for not telling me why he had the drugs and why he kept coming back in the early morning. I couldn't remember it well but I know I sniffed that heroin. Then it got fuzzy. I remember me feeling wet. Then singing of some kind. I remember Yuna's voice. And I kept telling her I was swimming for some reason. Then it got fuzzy as I got wetter. And the last thing I remembered seeing was water. I was under it. I couldn't breathe. But I felt completely at peace. And then it goes black from there.

I was about to close my eyes to remember some more when a knock came to my door. I didn't budge though. If I did, the headache would come back and I would puke some more. So I let them take the hint and let themselves in. Whoever it was. And I hear footsteps approach the bed and then the bed lets down some. I don't suspect it to be Gippal because they don't touch me in any way.

" Rikku…." It was Buddy. What did he want? I thought he'd be back cooped up in his room by now. I didn't respond.

" Rikku, I know your awake. The first time Gippal did this, he couldn't sleep for days." Buddy told me. So I decided to give him an inch and turn my face from inside the pillow to look at him on my left side.

"What?" I asked in a dull tone.

He looked at me for a second before taking a deep breath and looking at his hands. He opened and closed his hand in a clasping motion. Then he sighed again.

" When I was born, my dad gave me a number and car mobile instead of one with animals and moons and all that baby crap. By the time I was 3, he already had me running, writing, counting and reading. I never went out much as a kid because of his excessive need to improve me. When Gippal was 13, his parent's died, my dad gave him a pair of boxing gloves and told him how to exorcise his anger and pain. But when Gippal began doing drugs, my dad decided he needed to move." Buddy told me. I didn't understand why he was telling me this, but I listened intently anyway.

" Gippal got even angrier with my dad. He uprooted us and moved us to another neighborhood. He thought it would be best if Gippal spent less of his time with his friends and more time in the gym training. He only let him see his girlfriend every now and then. He made Gippal a World-Renown boxer. But Gippal began to get messed up in his freshmen year of college. He got hooked bad on heroin and my dad sent him here. He found out after Gippal lost that fight. Gippal was high as hell during that fight, Nearly got killed. And my dad seemed like the hero for sending him here. " Buddy continues. I knew some of this but Gippal never told me how controlling Uncle Rin was to him. And to Buddy…

"He was always trying to control our lives. Still is…..He put me in all these AP classes throughout my academic career. Had me graduate high school by the time I was 15. He had me finish college and a CEO of his company by the time I was 22. I don't sleep at all and I have no social life. I'm addicted to prescription pills and I cant seem to get it together. He sent me here instead of a rehab to avoid attention to himself." He kind of chuckled at the last part he said. " And I let him do this to me. Which makes me the angriest of all. No matter what I do to better myself, he comes out the hero. I find my reality horrible so I drug up just to pass out so that maybe a few hours out of my day I can feel at peace."

" Why are you telling me all this Buddy?" I asked. Though it all made sense now. Why Buddy stayed in his room. Kept to himself like Gippal use to. Why he doesn't go out much. Why he's here. It all clicked in my head. Gippal and Buddy were like puppets and Uncle Rin was the puppet master.

" Because soon your going to be letting him do the same to you All because of the anger you have." He told me. He didn't look at me. " I don't know what exactly happened last night but it must have been huge and emotion filled. Because Gippal ran off on one of his sudden escapes and your hear recovering from a dose of what I guess is heroin. Only you don't have any needle marks so I guess you sniffed it. And I wanted to warn you."

" Warn me about what?" I groaned, my headache coming back for a quick second.

" Yourself. Gippal. My Dad" He named in a list. " Your letting your emotions get you in deep shit. Gippal has been clean for the longest amount of time I've ever seen. And its because of you. But when you screw up yourself your making him think he's the reason. And beat himself up. So he'll revert back to the way he use to get relief from the stresses of reality. He'll use. And if he starts using my Dad will send him away and you for using. And I don't think you'll be happy."

" So you think this is all on my emotions?" I asked. I didn't even know why I did it. I just knew I was mad at Gippal at the time and I wanted to find some kind of relief.

" I know it is." He told me. " Gippal's emotions use to control his addiction, now its something his body thinks he cant live without. Its takes everything he has to stay clean everyday. And I'm the same."

" Buddy. Thanks for the talk but it was one time and I doubt I'll do that dumb shit again."

" I hope so but just remember." He said getting up from the bed " the moment you let your emotions get the best of you will be the day you turn into me and Gippal. Just another puppet in Rin's show. 'Kay Kid?"

I had to smile. He was being so sincere. So concerning. His true colors were shining through and they were almost as beautiful as when I first saw Gippal's. "Alright."

"But Buddy..:" I called out to him He was just about to walk out the door.

" Yeah, Ri?" He asked turning back to look at me.

" I'll try if you try. Promise?" I said to him and he got what I meant.

" Promise." He replies smiling right before he leaves. And I swore to hold him to that promise.

-----

Which, for the past 2 weeks I have been doing. Buddy and I go on walks in the morning along the beach. We hang out at night and sometimes he even stays with me when I get sick. Because its been two weeks since that night and I'm still getting side effects but he said they'll go away soon enough. He and I have become close friends over the past few weeks. He's been doing better. I got him to throw out most of his pills. He kept the sleeping pills but only 6 pills.

Now we try and occupy our nights with board games, video games and TV. But….for me…it isn't the same. Its hard. I find my bed too big. Too cold. Too empty. I find myself wanting to lay in his arms and hide from the world. I find my self wanting him to be where Buddy is. _I find my self wanting him_. I can't believe he could just leave without a word. Buddy doesn't find anything wrong with it. He says this is what Gippal does when he needs to clear his head and think but…..what dos he need to think about?

That was one time. I'm better now. He could've…no should've stayed by me. But instead he selfishly up and ran. I thank him for what he did that night. But I begin to loathe him the more I think about how he's just out there being selfish and I'm here worrying, struggling, coping on my own. I begin to find myself hating him every night I lay in my bed awake, yearning him. And I hate him even more for me wishing he was in Buddy's place as we walked along the beach this morning.

" Your missing him bad aren't you?" Buddy's voice cracked through my thoughts. I look back at him as we stand looking out at the ocean sunrise. I don't say anything, I just look back at the sunrise.

It was chilly this morning so I wore a big long-sleeve shirt. I hugged my arms tight around my body at the mention of Gippal. The motion only made me yearn to be in his arms like this. Feel the heat of his body by mine. I had fell so hard for this man. And I was so stupid for letting myself do this. He pushed me away at first…now I knew why. It would hurt when he left me high and dry. If only I didn't fall so fast without warning. I should of seen the hurting monster behind his angelic smile. The burning pain behind his green orbs of light. I will get over him….I just need time. When, if, he ever comes back, I wont let him back in. He and I have no relation but housemates for all I'm concerned.

I'll Lock my heart deep inside.

I'll throw away the key.

I'll never get it to him again.

I'll hate him for as long as it takes to mend this heart of mine.

No matter what he does……No matter how much I want to….

No matter how much it hurts to hold on……

_I'll never let this go……_

_**TO BE CONTINUED**_

* * *

_**Okay. First off, I want to apologize to all my loyal readers for the delay. Technical difficulties put me behind a few days. I will try my best to get the next chapter up. I cut out the Nhadala thing in this chapter because I have a wonderful Idea on how to introduce her on the next one. So stay tuned. And Thnx for the reviews and love. I enjoy hearing your thoughts on the chaps. It brings better material to my mind for my future chaps. So keep 'em coming please. I want to hear what you think on this chapter. And yes I know it isn't long. But like I said, I have more things to come. I know people may have wanted a huge scene for Buddy's problem. But I wanted him to play the sensitive supporter role for Rikku. But I do have plans for him. Don't worry. I just want to focus on Gippal&Rikku's feelings in this event. So don't send me hate reviews about that. MORE2COME!!!**_

_**Stay Tuned!!!!!!!! R&R **_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	13. Inhale 7

**A Year Without Breathing**

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 13- Inhale**_

* * *

_Gippal…_

_It hurts….But It comes like clockwork…its unstoppable…_

I wake up in the same uncomfortable position on the couch. I examine my surroundings and find Yuffie in bed asleep. She sleeps more soundly now. She looks so much better. But I feel like shit. I'm missing Rikku like crazy. My body is missing Rikku like crazy. I wonder how she is sometimes. I find myself yearning to call. But I stop myself as soon as it begins to ring. Its been about a month now since I've left. I've been bunking with Yuffie while she gets set up to go to rehab. I finally convinced her to go.

She and I have become real good friends. She and I go to the meetings every time now. She says they're helping her a whole lot. But my cravings are coming back strong. And I think I know why. Rikku was who I went to when I wanted to get my head off the cravings. Now that I don't have her around, the cravings get harder to resist. I woke up sweating yesterday. But this morning when I wake up, I know why I'm sweating. I dreamt about _her. _I still hear her voice now. Moaning my name. I still feel her touch cinching my skin. My pulse was beating so fast I thought I'd have a stroke. And I was hard as hell.

So I get up to take a cold shower. Then a hot one. And in those two showers I think about what I'm going to do after I drop Yuffie off this morning at the Rehab. I don't know how I'm going to face her if I go back to that house. But my body is calling out to hers. When I get in my car I have to stop myself from wanting to drive straight there. Its hard as hell getting up and getting dressed. Living with this regret. But I know its for the best. But that's not what gets me. I cant go with out touching her. I just want to hold her in my arms. But I'm like poison to this beautiful rose. I'll kill her if she stays near me. But I can't stay away any longer. I have to face her. Explain to her what happened. Then let her hate me. I know she does by now.

But what gets me the most. Is that I know now that I'm in love with her. her smile. Her laugh. Her giggle. Her moan. The smell of her hair. The feel of her skin. How we fit like puzzle pieces. How she can drive me crazy with just one look. How I need her like my lungs need air. I know it'll be hard to face her again but I have to. Its only fair to her that she gets an explanation of everything. Then we can end whatever we had on a somewhat clear note. That's my best way out of this. The best way to end this…..but it shouldn't have to end like this. It has to. But shouldn't have to. And I can feel my heart breaking. My stomach turning and me wanting to do nothing else but curl up and shut myself off from the world. But I cant do that now. I need an escape. But the only three escapes I know are drugs, Rikku, and boxing. All I either can't or won't do anymore. So what other choice do I have. But to go on suffering. Eventually the pain will dull. It will become somewhat bearable. It will….It has to….

---

_10:12 am_

I dropped Yuffie off a bit late. She and I said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch. I felt like I was watching my kid go to preschool for the first time. Because Rehab was just like that. Starting from the beginning. Relearning everything you thought you knew because it was now controlled by the drug that you were in for. The lifestyle you had chosen. It wasn't easy. I saw a glimpse back when I was younger. I checked myself in and then right back out because it was too hard. I was doing okay now. But I'd be better in there. I just couldn't take it. Couldn't handle it. It was too hard. But that's where I needed to be. Maybe……..

_.Ring._

The sound of a phone interrupts my thoughts as I sit in the parking lot. It shocked me. Because I didn't own a cell phone. The only phone I have is at the house. The house phone. I don't have a……no wait. I have one in the glove compartment for emergencies. I remember Uncle Rin put it there. 'For emergencies' my ass. This bastard just wanted to get to me in case I was out during one of his random drug tests. I open the glove compartment and its his ass on the caller id.

" Yea?" I answer a bit too annoyed. But another surprise of the day is the voice I hear on the other end.

" Gippal?…." It was a bit shaky but I knew by the instant the vibrations hit my ear, who she was.

" Nhadala?"

----

10:32 am

_This is crazy. This is crazy. _

That's all I can think as I sit here. I've been in this place too many times for my liking. Yet when she called I was here in record time. She still does that to me. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Why does she do this? Call me out of nowhere, ask me to come get her, and doesn't even give me a reason. And I didn't even ask for one. I just said okay and came right away. And now I'm back here. Waiting right in front of the departure door at the airport. And I'm anxious as hell. Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel like an impatient driver. Telling myself this is crazy. Telling myself that this is stupid. Telling myself to drive off now. Then the mother of all that is dangerous sexy, brutal, clever and wild comes strutting out of the doors.

Its like a scene from a movie. Where the hot chick comes out of some door or into one. Wearing an outfit hugging her body in all the right places and a pair of pumps that eliminate her perfectly tanned legs. She takes off her sunglasses and flips her strawberry blonde hair just as the wind picks up a tad bit, blowing a few stands in her face. She slides them behind one ear and then spots me. She waves and smiles. The sun beams off her brilliant white teeth and glimmering green eyes. And I'm dazzled that all I can do is try and coolly wave back. I don't let myself lose control as I watch her gorgeous frame walk over to me. Well she reaches the car first.

And I don't know why but I get out and meet her at her door. She reaches me and laughs right before she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me so that she lifts herself a bit. I wrap my arms around her waist and it gives me this weird feeling. May have been the way her breast pressed against my chest in that hug or the smell of her perfume. But it gave me an arousing feeling. Its just that that feeling didn't feel right. Didn't excite as much as it use to. But it did numb me a bit.

Brings images of the nights I spent with her and the numbness of the drugs we took. Combine those two and a lost man would call it heaven. I use to call it heaven. Buried deep between those thighs with about 2 syringes worth of heroin in me. That's where i use to want to stay. But for me……it's the second place version of it now. My heaven is in the form of a 17 year old blonde with the most angelic smile and laugh who I fucked up so bad with. So now she's hating me and probably not wanting anything to do with me. Isn't this a grand situation?

" Oh my god, Gippal its been too long, Babe." She purrs in my ear right before she nibbles it a bit. She slides her arms from around my neck and her feet touch the ground. Her hands slide down my shoulders and rests on my forearm.

" Yeah…" I say. I didn't know where to start. I was a bit disconnected from my body right now. She could do that to me. Numb my senses. Make my mind go blank and bring my defenses. Like Rikku….Only with Rikku…I let her. I kind of want her to. Nhadala…..you have no choice with Nhadala.

" So, how you've been?" She asks. Her body getting a bit closer. She pushed out her chest a bit and my eyes wandered. This close and I knew she could see through my sunglasses.

" Surviving. Mind telling me why you're here?" I asked her. My brain was getting back its use.

" We can talk about that later. Now, you can take me to your place so we catch up on _other _things." She purred again. And then she was out of my grasp. She turned and met a guy who I hadn't noticed was there. He looked like he worked here. He had to big ass red suitcases that matched her dress.

" Just put them in the trunk." She tells him then turns back to me. " Can you open it for him, babe?"

I can't believe she has me back where we were almost 7 months ago. I can't let her just start off where I tried to end it. I have to take a stand and tell her things have changed. That's what I think as I go to open the trunk. I even help the guy load the trunk. He say thanks and I tip him a hundred from my pocket. He looks at me for a moment but I don't think its because of the tip. And I was right.

" Hey, your that Boxer guy." He says excitedly and a bit too loud for my taste. " The one who throws that killer left hook and upper jab. I've seen your fights man. Your that Gippal guy. Man, where have you been the past few months. They got your name all over entertainment news and stuff. Really bashing you about that last fight."

The guy rambles on as I close the trunk and I can't believe he recognizes me. I just keep saying 'fuck, why. Fuck, why' in my head. And try to find a way to interrupt his ramble. And try to throw off his claims of my identity. The last thing I needed was the press here looking for me. I was suppose to be laying low and getting my shit together.

" I still can't believe how you let that guy get up under you with that right jab and uppercut. Man, if I were you I'd take that rematch they're offering. That Baralai guy is saying he can take you again. I wouldn't take all this crap he's been saying about you. Weren't you and him like friends from back in High School? Man, you need to get back in the ring and reclaim your champion title. So, what are you going to do? Are you training?" His ramble stops for a minute and I do the only thing I can think of that can give me a chance to escape to my car.

" You've got the wrong guy." I say. He looks at me like I grew a second head.

"The wrong guy? I think not. I could recognize Gippal 'The Crimson King' Corvain anywhere! Your _HIM. _The baddest of the bad. The one Hitter killer. I can tell by the way you stand that you're a boxer. I can't have the wrong guy. Come on. Gippal, can I get an autograph for my son? He loves you just as much as I do." And he quickly pulls out a piece of paper and a pen. I wondered if he saw many celebrities because a lot of people don't just have that in their pockets.

I sigh in defeat. And take the paper. I would of told him he had the wrong guy but I never turned down things for the kids. My way of making amends I guess. But I knew this would screw me over later. I just knew it. But I was glad when noone else came up to me. I got in the car quickly and drove off toward the hotel I was staying at. It was closest and had a lesser chance of me being noticed. So I wouldn't get noticed so easily.

"Wow. Gippal, I haven't seen you since…." She smiled began from the passenger side trying to recall like she'd forgotten. My mind came back from what just happened and it came back a bit bitter from the memory..

" I overdosed that night after my fight." I finish for her. I was satisfied when it came off harsh so I added "Which I lost because of you."

" Oh come on, Babe. Lets not stay in the past. We should look to brighter and better futures. I just want to rest my nerves and unwind for a bit. You wouldn't believe the week I've had. First, my dealer gets on me bout this 100 bucks I owe him then-" She begins to change the subject which kind of pisses me off.

" How did you find me? How did you get my number?" I ask deciding to stay in my 'No B.S.' mode.

" Oh, your not hard to contact when you know the right people." She giggles. It was a 'not-going-to-tell' giggle.

" Really? So, Uncle Rin gave me up to you that easy huh? I'm surprised. I thought he was trying to keep me clean for next season." I say with a hint of sarcasm.

" Oh. Don't be that way, babe. We had good times didn't we?" She asked as she reclined the passenger seat as far as it would go and put her feet on the dashboard.

" You mean when we weren't high?" I asked sarcastically.

" Oh come on. You remember that night in Seattle when we tried to do a road trip on 2 tanks of gas but had to stop because it was raining too hard and you swore you weren't lost. But I knew you were." She giggled.

" I wasn't." I couldn't help but add. Even though I was.

".So we camped out on the side of the highway and got good _use _of your back seat." She almost moaned as she did a bit of a cat stretch. " We weren't high then."

" Because we did the drugs before we left. And decided to turn around because you forgot the rest. That's why we didn't make it on 2 tanks." I corrected her. She sighed.

" Gippal, you've gotten uptight. Haven't you been meditating or whatever that shit was that you use to do?" She said to me.

" I use to train." I told her.

" Whatever. Same thing." She said. I guess it was meant to be a friendly joke but made me get annoyed again.

I didn't talk to her for the rest of the ride to the hotel. Despite her talking about the random things she had done over the years. I wasn't really listening. Too busy figuring out what she had up her sleeves. Nhadala was never one to just visit someone. Especially me. Without something to benefit from it. Usually when she came to me, she came for sex, someone to party with, or a drug buddy to help her split a new stash she got. So I wasn't to happy about seeing her.

When we got in the hotel room, I rolled her suitcases to the side of the door and went to sit on the couch. She had made herself comfortable on my bed. I wasn't planning on going anywhere near there or we'd end up in between the sheets. I knew that much. No matter how I would try to resist her. She always got her way. Always had that kind of hold. Never knew why….

" Gippal, come here." She cooed to me. I had put my head back and closed my eyes just as she did so I didn't catch the look she may have been giving me.

" No, thanks." I tell her. I hear her whine. And it reminds me of Rikku. That day she hurt her leg and kept whining and saying 'ow' all the way to the house. I smile at the memory, the kiss we shared. Then I frowned at the reminder that all of that was over. I suddenly felt cold and in need of a little comfort.

" Oh, Gippal. Your being mean. Come here." She whined. Then she added something in a low sexual voice. " Please."

I debated whether to do this. But the more I had memories of Rikku, the colder I got. I needed someone right now to get my mind off her. I needed a bit of comfort. I needed…Rikku. But I only had Nhadala. And I don't know if I want to do this with her. She'll pull me in to where I can't get out and then some shit will happen. I can feel it. She has always been like this. She gets what she wants out of me, then I use to get drugs from her in my system and we'd do the whole cycle over again with some crazy antics in the middle.

Even with that in mind, I'm lifting my head to look at her and finding myself liking the idea of temporary release from the stress I have. I'm getting out of the chair and walking over to her. I'm looking down upon her and scanning her body with my eyes and all I see is Rikku laying there. Smiling at me. Her emerald green eyes boring into me. I could do this if I thought of Nhadala as Rikku, right?

" I knew you couldn't resist." Nhadala's voice broke through telling me 'not really' and that pissed me off. Because I just wanted to forget for once. Go back to the old me for a second. The one that wasn't in love. The one that didn't give a fuck who he hurt even if it was himself.

" Shut up." I told her. She just smiled and pulled me down by my belt and the cycle began.

Kisses went deep. Body parts went hard. Clothes went missing. Condoms appeared. Hickeys appeared. Scratches appeared. Limbs became intertwined. Minds went blank. Hearts began to beat faster. Fingers caressed my skin as mine became tangled in hair. Eyes looked into mine for a fraction of a second and I saw Rikku. It didn't feel right to see her and not actually be feeling her. I want to feel myself in _her._ Not Her. And I began to thrust harder, deeper, faster to forget. My companion didn't mind. She only moaned my name louder and told me it felt so good. It wasn't Rikku's voice though. It wasn't the same. I couldn't help but growl in her ear for her to 'shut up'.

My hands caressed her thighs as pressed her against me and I drove into her to the hilt. She wrapped her legs around my waist and her heels dug into my lower back as she came. I kept going until my release came and she dug her nails into my back, draining me of what I gave and a bit of blood probably. And even after I rolled off her and onto my back, after that brutal fucking I gave her she wasn't finished with me. She ran her kisses up my chest to my ear and whispered.

" See its just like old times." She whispers to me. And all I can think is how pissed I am at myself because this only gave me a semi-release. Not like the one I get when I'm with Rikku. I have no care when I'm with her. Had no care……

" Shut up." I tell her. It was more of a 'get whatever you want just leave me sane in the end' shut-up. And she only chuckled and led her kisses lower. She didn't finish with me for a while. She had me going so long, that after the countless number of orgasms I blacked out from exhaustion. All I remember is the sight of her getting something off the floor ,fully-dressed, and leaving. At least she left me with some sanity. I don't know where she went or if she'll be back. She's come to me for her needs then left on a few-day period. I just knew that when I woke up, the first thing I would do is get the hell out of here and back to the house. To her…..

----

I don't know when the hell I woke up. But when I did, the room was pitch-black. The only light came from the bathroom door. I felt a bit groggy as I got up but I managed to find my boxers and put them on. I remember a night like this. And I knew what could be behind those bathroom doors. A dark passed that followed a night of emotionless sex. Back then I called it living. Now I call it hell. But can you really escape hell once you've opened the door? I don't think you can. It'd take a miracle. Hell's door were black holes of depression, addiction and death. And I opened them a long time ago. I can't close them now.

When I opened the door, Nhadala sat on the bathroom counter, smoking a cigarette with a belt around her upper arm. I observed the scene in a second. Lighter on the counter. A metal spoon on the counter upside down. The bottom of it black with burn marks. And by it was a syringe. It was one of two that she had. The first she was about to infect in her arm until I came in. The second she use to save for me when she'd go out to get a fix. The last time she did that I had an overdose. So do I really want to go through this again?

" Gippal, come here." She called to me like a siren to a lonely man. " I got one for you."

As the lonely man, will I answer the siren's call? Open the gates of hell wider? Step closer to the molting fiery pits? Will I enjoy the cinching pain it will bring or will I suffer more than before? That angel sounds damn good right now. But then again so does the heroin sitting in the siren's hand. It reminded me of a poem a friend of mine wrote. It was in one of his notes to me while he was in rehab. His dying words. Some of them anyway….

_I wish I knew what to do._

_I wish I knew how. _

_I wish I had the strength._

_But its probably too late now._

_I want out. _

_I want in. _

_Of this torturous cycle._

_But even if I did walk away it would only start again. _

_Because this monster is greater than what I can bear. _

_I call out for help but no one is there. _

_Is there really hope for a man like me? _

_Or is that what they say to keep themselves happy. _

_I wonder what its like on the other side._

_Are there monsters like this there?_

_Should I run and hide? _

_This cycle is something I wish I could break. _

_All this pain and suffering I just can't take._

_The cravings._

_The aches. _

_The unbearable pain._

_I want to stop this hot and cold._

_If that was even possible._

_Its Hurts…._

_It Hurts…_

_It Hurts to admit it…_

_But its like clockwork…_

_Its Unstoppable._

_**TO BE CONTINUED….**_

* * *

_**WOOHOO~~~ Chap. Is up. I am working on the next one. I hoped you liked the poem at the end. I made it myself. Its entitled 'unstoppable' I kind of made it up as I typed. So don't hate me if it sounds any kind of corny or cheesy. I like it. I think it depicts some of Gippal's thoughts and feelings right now. Don't you? And what can Nhadala be up to? She had to of come for a reason? What could it be? And what about Gippal being recognized? What will become of that? Did Gippal take the drugs? Did he start the cycle again? DUMDUMDUM!!! Tune in next time to find the conclusion to this thrilling story. R&R**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	14. Exhale 7

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Chapter 14- Exhale **_

_**

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_Rikku…_

_This is why it is so hard to let things go…_

Stupid Gippal. Stupid men. Stupid heart. Stupid hormones. Stupid!

Stupid!! STUPID!!! I don't need this. I don't need him. I'm young. I should be out partying it up. Drinking and dancing and living my life. Not sitting here moping. I'm not moping. I'm pissed. That ass. Not coming back in a almost 3 weeks and now this. I can't believe him. I can't believe this!! Don't know what I'm talking about? Well why don't you think about my day today and its horrible ending.

---

I was feeling a bit pissed about how I've been moping lately and decided to have a day out. Just for me and my girls. I called up Yuna and Paine and when decided to go to all the malls in Santa Barbara and shop until we drop. I hadn't really bought anything but a cute leather jacket. We got hungry around 4 and decided to go out for a burger at this grill place. Paine said she had to fill up the car and went across the street to a gas station. We went inside and got a window booth. As we were eating, I got a phone call on my cell from Paine. Which I thought was weird.

" Hello?" I answer, my voice not hiding my confusion well.

" Rikku, look across the street at the gas station." She told me. I did just as the waitress brought my food. And I wasn't sure what I was looking for. There was Paine by Yuna's blue convertible. A White SUV. A black mustang with some slutty model looking blonde leaning on it. And a red PT Cruiser….wait…..

" Do you see it?" She asked me. Gippal's black mustang. She knew what it looked like from him dropping me off at my school. And it was across the street. With some slutty model leaning on it. She was filling it up. Not Gippal. I don't see him actually. Paine is finishing up and putting away the pump hose.

" Yeah…I see it." I say quietly. Yuna asks me 'what's wrong' but I'm fixated on that black mustang.

" Do you want to eat or should we play 007?" She asks knowing where my thoughts were about to go. Just then I saw a familiar spiky blonde haired man come from the convenient store in a pair of black shades, some blue jean cargos and a dark purple tank.

He had a plastic bag in his hands and he walked over to the car. The blonde grabbed his arm and brought him into a kiss just as he heads to the drivers side of the car..

Just the sight of it pissed me off. And I don't know why. We were never official when he was around. We only spent almost every waking minute together. Had sex all the time. Told each other about everything. Acted like a damn couple that had been dating for years. No, we weren't official at all so why should I care what he's doing…who he's doing. Even though he left me while I was high after…after saving me from drowning…

" Hey, Rikku. Do you hear me? They're leaving make a decision." Paine brought me out of my internal bickering. It was now or never. Instead of moping, I should do something to ease my pain and anxiety.

" The name is Bond. Rikku Bond."

----

If there was anytime I felt crazy. It was now. Paine is three cars back trailing Gippal's black mustang on the freeway. I'm kind of thinking these shades came in handy for the mission I'm on today. Yuna, Paine and I had turned into a secret agent group. Y.R.P. I'd like to call it. Yuna had the cell phone taking pics. I was in the back ducking behind the seats. Looking at the shadows of the cars. Wishing I could see through all the cars and see what was going on in his car. Was she touching him? Was he touching her? God, I needed to see him when is he going to stop that damn car? We've been driving for like

16 whole minutes according to my clock. Where the hell are they going?

Just when I think I'm going to lose my mind, they turn off onto an exit ramp. It looks familiar. Maybe because…it leads to the house. He was taking her back to the house? He was finally coming back? Wait….should I be happy or mad? And do I really want to go there now? We follow them until we see them turn onto our street. And as we pass by I see him head straight to the house.

" We should circle around and park a few houses down." Yuna suggests.

" Forget it. A fancy subdivision like this? They'll cal the cops because we were sitting out there too long." Paine turns down the idea.

" How about we go finish that lunch at the diner. I don't think I want to spy anymore." I tell them. My curiosity may hurt me more than I expect it. They both look at me surprised.

" You aren't the least bit curious to find out more about the blonde he's with?" Paine asked.

" Or where he's been for almost a month?" Yuna added.

"No…" I shake my head weakly. " I think I've taken in enough for one day."

" You sure?" Paine asked.

" Yeah." I reassure them with a smile. " Plus, 007 never finishes his missions in one day right?"

" Your right, Ri." Yuna says. " And after the diner, we can head back to my house for a girls night."

" I guess that sounds good." Paine agrees eventually. "I'm in"

And with it settled, we drove to Jack's Diner and had a nice lunch. Afterward, we bought some DVD's and some snacks. We headed to Yuna's and had a nice girls night. We watched movies and had girl talk. We passed out after the 4th chick flick. It would have been a fabulous girl night but…… Gippal and his mysterious mistress were constant in the back of my mind. What was she to him? Was she who he was with this whole time? Why is he taking her back to the house? How does he know her? AND WHY THE FUCK AM I WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT A MAN I HAVE NOTHNG TO DO WITH?!!

So now I'm pissed at myself for my thoughts. Sitting here the next morning at Yuna's table in her dining room killing my eggs and turkey bacon with spiteful hate. I'm not moping...I'm not. I'm mad as hell. Where the hell does he get off leaving for a month after my 'incident' then coming back with some slutty looking model! That ass!!! Men….the nerve. I can't believe I slept with him. All those times…….I bet he couldn't do it to her if I beat that blondes ass and snip his.

"Rikku…Rikku!" A voice breaks through my evil thoughts of hatred and I remember where I am. A horrified Yuna is looking at my plate as Paine looked at me amused.

" What??" I asked confused at first by the looks. I tried to play it off.

" Are you okay, Ri?" Yunie asks.

" Yeah. I'm fine. Why?" I reply.

:"Face it." Paine suddenly smirks. "You have serious feelings for this man."

I don't respond to this. But it gets to me. Maybe….NO!! No, I do not like this man at all. At All! Sure we spent lots…most of our time together. Learned things about each other that no one else knew. Had sex on a daily basis to our physical limits. And he could make me smile without trying…..I don't have feelings for this man at all. And that's that.

" I say you should go to your house and face him. Get the answers you need for closure if anything." Yuna agrees coming from her horrified gaze at my massacre.

" And I agree. The only way you'll get through your angry murderous mentality is from the closure only he can give you from the events that have perspired." Paine said in her I'm-wiser-tan-you-but-I'll-explain-in-a-semi-simple-way.

" But….what if I'm not ready to hear it. Because I really don't think I am. I can spend a few night-"

" Not here, you crazy aggressive bitch." Yuna murmurs. And Paine and I look at her surprised. Did that come out of Yuna's mouth?

" Yunie!" I disapprove.

" What? It's true. Now I don't know about Paine but I like having unscathed plates and silver ware and recognizable food to eat. And with you here in this state…I don't know how long it would stay that way." Yuna says as she gathers our plates. Then she gets up and heads to the kitchen sink.

" Well, I'm not that bad." I say looking at the remains of food on the table, But I give in. "Maybe, it is time I head back and face my maker. I need clothes anyway."

" That's the idea Bond. And if you need back up just call me or Yuna" Paine reassured. And with that it was settled. Time to go into the house of doom….ugh! I can do this!

---

I tried to make myself go in but… I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to. When Yunie and Paine dropped me off, I stood by the door for a while before deciding to wait until nightfall and sneaking in all thief like. So in the meantime, I set my shopping bags under the deck and took a walk on the beach. I knew I wouldn't see Gippal because he only walked with me. Not by himself. So I felt a bit at ease. I walked down the left side first then began to go to the right. The sun began to set and a soft orange/red glow set on the beach. Glistening on the ocean and complimented my already tan skin.

I wrapped my arms around myself and wished I hadn't left my jacket by the bags. Wearing only a pair of Daisy Duke jeans and a white halter top t-shirt can be stupid at night. I thought about going back for my shoes because the sand was getting hot earlier but I decided against it. I could last a few more hours. I just have to wait an hour or two after the sun sets. I can do that.

I'll just go and sit by those rocks by the end of the beach where I sat with Gippal. I'll be able to think about what I'm going to say to Gippal in the morning. If he's still here…..

But I don't think he'll be there. Something tells me he won't. But I'm still not at ease. I may not have to say something to him tomorrow, but I will now. Because as I approached, my heart jumped in my throat. It was there ,sitting on the rocks so relaxed and in thought. Wearing nothing but a pair of black sweat pants and a purple tank. Look like a god reflected by the beauty of the sun. There. Sitting about 15 feet away from me. My latest fear. Gippal Corvain.

He hadn't noticed me. I could make a run for it. He hadn't even moved. I need to move but my feet wouldn't move. My feet couldn't move. Oh why do I choose now to freeze? Why couldn't I have frozen before I first slept with him? Or when i was about to talk to him in the car the first day he picked me up? Why not then? Why choose now? I know I said I'd face him and ask him about that night and why he left but …… I wanted time to think out what I was going to say. Because if I didn't ….it will not end in the way I want it to or expected it to. So if i know the consequences of me talking to him before I have a chance to sort out my thoughts…then why cant I make myself move? Is this telling myself I want to go to him now?….. Wait! I can feel my legs. So myself is giving me a way out? Well I'll take it. Starting immediately.

" Rikku?" Damn it!! The dreaded sound of my fear calling me and stopping my escape dead in its tracks. I didn't turn around to face him or say anything in return. I began to move again once I got my bearing but he once again stopped my escape.

" Rikku, please….wait" He said. His voice was soft and gentle and something in it made me listen and obey. But I refused to look at him.

" Rikku……" He said again. I wish he would stop saying my name like that. So gentle and caring and sorrowful. " I….we…need to talk."

He was right about that. But I wasn't ready. I began to jog away but as soon as I got a few feet away, he called out in a plea that stopped me dead in my tracks and dared me to move.

" Rikku, Please!" His voice held so much pain and agony. And on top of that….so much guilty compassion. I took a deep breathe then turned to face him. He was off the rocks now. Standing about 7 feet from me. His face showed how sorry he was. He probably saw the hurt I knew surfaced in my eyes.

" Look…That night…when you took that heroin it…." he begins slowly. He walks forward a bit but as soon as he takes a step forward, I take one back. He got the idea and stopped where he was.

" Was my fault." I interrupt finally after taking another deep breath. He tries to talk again but I hold up my hand. " I let my emotions get the best of me and I took the easy way out."

" But how did you find it in the first place?" He asked. I hugged myself and look out to the ocean.

" In your pants pocket one night when I was doing the laundry. I was going to ask where you got it from but….I figured you would tell me….once you didn't tell me.."

" You started questioning where we were actually going and what it actually meant?" He said it so simply like he was too or already knew. But I glanced at him as a response then I turned back to look at the ocean.

" Look," He says when I say nothing " I had the heroin because I took it from someone else. I….I have quite a few things to tell you about that day and what led up to me having that heroin okay?"

I sigh and nod in agreement. " Yeah…we do."

" So how about we have a seat and I'll tell you all about it." He gives a slight grin calling a truce and I evidently take it. Walking cautiously towards him, I think about something for a second. Why was I sitting where he stood? He must of known I was thinking that because he answered cockily with a smirk and said something so him.

" Because Its always better where I am and you know you want to." He says.

'this cocky bastard.' I think but smile anyway and continue to go by him. We both sit and he talks. He explains to me everything. Yufie, the hotel, the drugs, the meeting, the rehab. Everything. And for a second it felt like how it was before. How we were before….whatever we were.

" You could of told me that.." I said as I played with sand in the loop my Indian style legs made. I looked down at the miniature picture I was making of a stick figure.

"I had planned to when you got home that day but then Yuna called…." He paused and sighed. " I have been telling myself this whole time that if I let you get close or got close to you that….I'd ruin you. And when she told me you were in trouble and she needed me to come and bust down a bathroom door to save you from drowning……I mean the way she described the trouble you were in just prove that I had…"

" Ruined me?" I intervened " No, I let my emotions lead me to the decisions I made. You only-"

" Set the pieces in motion. If I hadn't of brought that bag back all this wouldn't of happened. I almost ruined you...just like I thought I would…" Gippal said. I looked over at him and he was looking out to see. The sun was making its final descent and giving us a final glow before it disappears in about 10 minutes.

" Gippal, if there's anything you've ruined is my resolve to not open up after my dad's death." I told him. He looked at me but I looked back down. The tide was getting closer. It was about 6 feet away. That told me the night was almost here.

"Your dad…you don't talk about him much. Was your relationship with him good?" He asked.

" Yeah. It was….like a normal father/daughter relationship. He was fun. Sneak me out of school to go see movies, taught me how to roller-skate and ride a bike. Then my mom died…..she overdosed. Was an addict before she died." I told him. It wasn't hard to open up to him.

" On what?" He asked after a moment of my silence.

" On Heroin. She was an addict like you." I told him. He simply made an 'hm' sound.

" How'd your dad die?" He asked me.

" He started drinking after her death. Didn't want to go out. Didn't want to talk to anyone. When my older brother told him he was eloping with his long-time girlfriend, he didn't even get mad. And if you had known my dad, he would of chopped Brother's penis off." I explained. " It got bad coming up to my mom's birthday. Even I couldn't get him to stop drinking. I put him in bed and went to a friend's because I couldn't stand being around his misery…and when I came home….."

The pain hit me but I couldn't cry. No water came to my eyes. Only anger.

" Who would of thought I'd be an orphan by 17. I was the reason he died….if I had only stayed….I did the ruining of myself on my own." I gave a pitiful chuckle.

" I don't think you ruined yourself…." He told me. And that got me to look at him in subtle surprise. " No not at all."

The softness in his eyes made me get butterflies in my stomach. His hand came up and caressed my cheek. And his voice was barely just above a whisper.

"What makes you say that?" I ask at the same tone.

" You aren't ruined because you're such a wonderful person." He said to me. And suddenly his face seemed so close. " The only thing wrong with you is the walls you keep up. And the fact that you could, beyond what I could fathom, ever like a person like me."

" What makes you think I like you?" I mock with a grin on my face. He grins back and then this feeling comes over me. He must have felt it too. Its like the air had become hot. The atmosphere had turned from serious to this sudden sexual heat. And before I knew it, Gippal had me pinned in the sand with my hands clinging to his hair.

His tongue explored every inch of my mouth as his hands got reacquainted with my body. Roaming over my hips to the edge of my Daisy Dukes. It slid under and his hand was heated flesh against my cool skin. He moved over me a bit more and I felt him becoming hard against my right leg. I leaned my left one on his hip. He braced his left forearm just above my shoulder. And then as if unconsciously, we began a rhythm. He somehow moved between my legs and he began dry humping me.

The heat that arose between us in minutes could challenge the sun. And it wasn't until that thought that I momentarily opened my eyes and saw that the sun was completely gone now. And I could see some stars. Maybe because I needed air. Gippal seemed to realize the same because he broke the kiss and buried his face in my neck. I took in a gulp of the cool night air and let it fill my lungs with the smell of the beach. And of him. He must of not needed much air because within seconds he began an assault on my neck. The hand under my shorts gripped my thigh and he groaned at the moaned he elicited from me.

" I want you.." He whispers huskily in my ear. The hard, hot rod against my inner thigh told me that but I simply moaned in agreement. " Can I take you here or are you still of sex outdoors?"

" The best way to get over it is practice." I manage to say between breathes.

" Exactly my thought." He chuckled huskily into my ear.

" Just one question…do you have a condom?" I asked. There were priorities.

" In my pocket." He says. Then his hand comes out of my shorts and reaches behind him to I guess his pocket of his swim trunks. Meanwhile my hand frees itself from his hair to snake around his upper chest.

" You have them so conveniently." I murmur before he comes up to steal a quick kiss.

" Well I had to with how we were going at it constantly." He told me before stealing another kiss. The rattle of the wrapper as he pulls it out is like music to my ears. Then something that isn't welcome to mine comes like a gunshot to his.

" Gippy!! Gippy, are you out here?" It was a woman's voice and she was calling him in a 'pet' name. He froze in what he was doing immediately as if I had burned him. But he didn't move away. We both looked to the intruder and I saw something that made my blood run cold and hot for separate reasons.

The slutty model. I had forgotten about her. But she was there walking towards him. She was close enough that I could make out her face. Too much makeup but underneath she was probably beautiful. Ugh! The bitch. And this ass. I cant believe him. For a second I was beginning to forgive him. Silly me. He hadn't moved. He seemed stunned like he had gotten caught in the cookie jar. Well he was trying to get some goodies…..

With a frustrated and upset sigh I push him off of me. He looks at me trying to make his mouth form words. But none came. I got up and dusted the sand off myself. His lady friend did stop her advance but with a satisfied smile and her arms crossed she did confirm what my initial thought was. They were more than friends.

" Rikku…Wait! I can explain!" I heard Gippal call and that's what triggered the tears. The same way he just called me was why I stopped and gave him a chance to give me excuses for him being an asshole and leaving. I was going to forgive him. Silly me. How naïve.

I take off running towards the house. If I had to be in this house, I was going to take refuge in the room I've called my own for almost 5 months. I can hear Gippal not far behind calling after me. By the time I reach the house I'm out of breathe and tears are streaming down my face. But as I reach the door to the porch I remember my bags and hesitate whether I should get them or not. And that's what got me. It gave him a chance to catch up. I knew because when I went to go to the back door and leave the bags, his hand caught my wrist and turned me around to face him.

" Rikku, let me explain-"

SMACK!

He stands there stunned by the blow I had just given him with the palm of my free hand. His face is turned away in the direction I turned it and on the cheek was a huge forming red hand print.

" You have nothing to say to me. I cant believe you. I open up to you about my past and my dad. And just when I begin to trust and forgive you, I come to see that you have a new woman with a pet name for you, Gippy. This is why I have walls up. For people like you. So you know what? Save your sorry explanation because I don't even want to look at you….you…you. YOU SELFISH EGOTISTICAL SELF-CENTERED JERK!!!!!!!" And with that I stormed inside.

That was the last time I trust someone and open up to them. I open up to this man and fall for him and I end up getting screwed….literally and metaphorically. So I'm done. Done with men. Done with him. I'm not scared or hurt. These tears are out of pain. Out of pure hatred for the betrayal I feel right now. If I had known better, I wouldn't of bring down my wall but…..like I said, he ruined that resolve. Voluntarily or involuntarily. It happened and I can't take it back. All I can do now is mend this broken heart and lick my wounds. Hoping this year will end quickly and I can move on with my life. On from him….But I….I love him. Loved him…..

_This is why it is so hard to let things go…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

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_**The long anticipated chapter. Sorry it took so long. Summer is coming to an end for me and I am getting ready for school. I'll try to update A.S.A.P but we know how Junior year of high school can be with all the tests. Wish me luck and tell me what you think. I don't really have a chapter question for this one so I'll throw something out there. **_

_**Referring to Rikku's past confession, Do you think Gippal used her vulnerability or do you think Nhadala has something up her sleeves? If so then what?**_

_**I guess that'll work. R&R**_

_**Tell me your thoughts!!**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	15. Inhale 8

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was an out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

**Chapter 15- Inhale **

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_Gippal…._

… _what's the point…._

"Rikku." I call out to her tired. Someone would be after banging on someone's door for this long.

I'm leaning against her door in the same position I've been in for the past hour and a half. I'm only answered by the music she started blasting thirty minutes ago. I sigh in defeat and slide down against the wall. Utterly defeated. How could I be so stupid and bring Nhadala here? Why didn't I tell Rikku she was here in the first place? I'm screwing up. Bad.

It's just when I got close to Rikku, all my sense went out the window. I can't control myself around her. I thought for a second that having her around was a good thing for me. That it would end this pain, but it only makes me hurt worse. She only makes me hurt worse. I need to let her go. To stay away but I find myself at her door. Begging for forgiveness. Begging for her.

But what would a deplorable man like me do with a coveted angel like her?

"She still hasn't come out?" Says the last voice I wanted to hear right now.

"Now is not the time, Nhadala." I murmur as I wash my hands over my face. Was I being punished for something?

"When have you cared about the time?" She purrs and I hear walk towards me. Her hands slide onto my knees and she kneels before me. I take my hands away from my face to find her grinning mischievously. She leans into my lips and I can't find the strength to pull away. I never could. Why?

"We could go find a friend of mine and time could slip away." She whispers. "I could make you remember what we had. There is only me, Gippal"

She kisses me and I feel the door open behind me. Rikku! I push Nhadala away and turn quick enough to see her hurt face before a door slams in my face.

"Rikku, wait!" I say quickly. But only met by a 'fuck you' and I feel so pissed and defeated. Then I think 'what the hell am I doing?' I'm no good. So why am I trying to get in her perfect world. I know how to make this pain I'm feeling stop. So why haven't I done it yet? If she thinks I'm no good, then she must be on to something. I screwed up my chances with Rikku. The one thing that makes me feels like …..A man. So hell. Let's screw up the rest.

"Nhadala..." I begin standing up and facing her.

"Yes?" She purrs walking up to me and caressing my chest.

"You say you have a friend….so where is he?" I murmur taking her by the hips and bringing her closer to me liked it when i got rough.

'Ooo. Gippal wants to have some fun. Finally. That's the one I know and love." She coos and kisses me. I kiss her back but….I can't help but see an image of _her_ as I do. I had to get this chick out of my head. Quick.

"Let's Go. " I say to Nhadala dragging her down the hall by her hand. Not caring if she could keep up. I make it passed the third spare bedroom when I hear…

"You're fucking it up worse if you do this." Buddy. I should've known he'd play saint.

"And who are you to talk, Buddy?" I ask stopping for a moment with him behind me.

"Someone who knows what its like to lose something you loved by doing the exact opposite of what would make me feel better." He says. I smell the smoke from his cigarette after I hear him light it.

"Stay out of this, Buddy." I say trying my damndest to keep his words from reaching me. Anger and depression helped me out.

"You need to give her time to cool, and then talk to her. Don't run off and do this. Dont screw everything else up because you think it's too late to fix the one you care about most. Understand?" He says in his authoritative way. I swear he was more like an older brother than an older cousin.

A moment of silence passes as I try to debate with my common sense, Buddy's words, and my craving for numbness. Then Nhadala touched my shoulder and whispered in my ear.

"You don't need to listen to him. Do what you want to cope. You're a grown ass man. No whiney broad should have you suffer because you're starting to feel for her. Let it go."

And those were the devilish words that brought back my angry/depressed resolve.

"Like I said, Buddy, 'STAY OUT OF THIS'." And I left him with that.. Dragging Nhadala off to a place where I knew could make me forget. For however long I wanted it to. Even if I went back and begged for her forgiveness again…what's the point? It'll only come to this once again. So…..

…_.What's the point…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

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_**Okay loving readers! This should hold you for a bit. I'm finishing off the semester and promise to have a few more chaps to add in December. So don't fret and think I'm abandoning this story. I am a student after all. And as much as I'd love to sit and type my stories all day, real life comes first. But this will always be second priority. Free time goes to this. I promise. So how about another chapter question or two?**_

_**Gippal is screwing up (yes or no) and these actions will consequence him how?**_

_**if you were in his shoes, would you have done the same, given in?**_

_**How do you think Rikku would respond to his decision?**_

_**Will this be the last time we hear from Gippal?? How would u feel if it was??**_

_**DUM! DUM!!DUM!!! Okay I just threw in that last one to completely send my loving readers crazy. But hey, as a creative and spontaneous writer, you never know which way I'd go. Muhahahahahahaha!!! So until next time: R&R Reviews are love. Love me.**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	16. Exhale 8

A Year Without Breathing

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

**Chapter 16: Exhale**

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_Rikku…_

_I'm tired of letting it go…_

" Gippal is a jerk, Rikku. You don't need to be subjected to that." Yuna says. She's met with a handful of popcorn to the back of her head by Paine.

" But he is also struggling with his inner demons. What he needs is your help, whether he wants it or not." Paine disagrees. Yuna is about to say something but Paine evil glares her. They both look to me.

I had come over here about 6 this morning pissed as hell and trying to keep the tears from falling. I came straight to Yuna's after sneaking out of the house. Gippal's car was gone. He was gone. And so was that sluttish blonde he was with. Buddy was sitting on the back deck. I think he spotted me but he made no move or acknowledgement I had a packed book bag of clothes and personal things. I left through the front door and didn't look back . Its been 5 hours since then. Yuna called Paine and they have been having a girls day with me. All of us listening to paramore and wearing pajamas. Sodas and junk food for days. I told them everything and now I was listening to feed back. My mind was siding with Yuna but my heart was siding with Pain. And I hate being torn in between the two.

" Gippal is a grown man. He shouldn't be messing with a 17 year old anyway! You don't need him!"

" I happen to recall that Tidus' age is about 23 when you have just reached 19." Yuna is slammed by Paine. I can't help but crack a smile.

" We're not talking about me. We're talking about Rikku." Yuna changes the subject back to me. " Now you and he can't happen. He'll ruin you. Take your heart and break it in two. I can't stand by and watch that happen."

" But he is also not completely responsible in his state." Paine interrupts Yuna by knocking her over the head with her pillow. " I had a boyfriend once who was an addict. HE could barely understand what was going on with him. He couldn't help himself, let alone another person. Gippal is in the same place most likely. Lost. HE knows the way but doesn't know how to get there rationally."

" Or maybe doesn't want to. Druggies only care about their next hit. Not a 17 year-old's fragile heart." Yuna comes in only to be hit by Paine again.

" All I'm saying , Rikku, is that you should help him find his way. Not let that sluttish Nhadala chick lead him to death. If you can do something to help him, do it! Don't hesitate too long, if at all, or you'll be one of the many who caused his death when they could have prevented it. " Paine's words hit hard.

"And all I'm saying is that If you go and try to help his lost druggie slut-bringing ass then you should be prepared to be broken hearted by the time its all over. It can only end bad. There are no happy endings with drug addicts. OR addicts at that." Yuna's words hit hard too….

" Man, Yuna shut your ass up and go answer the door for the pizza." Paine says hitting Yuna again. I hadn't heard the door ring. Had the pizza came? I was preoccupied in thought and lecture to notice. As soon as Yuna left the room and went downstairs Paine was back to me.

" Don't let Yuna get to you. You need to think about this, yes. But don't let Yuna's words influence your decision. You need to think about how he treats you sober. How he can't help himself. How that one more hit could be his last. Don't let that be on your shoulders. Help when you can, let it go when you need to." Paine tells me in the most serious voice. I have this feeling that she's been through this before. Through this hurting love. And I feel there is a part of her that still has that love. That lonely love. That love that hurts to have yet you can't let it go. Until someone just…lets go.

"Do you hear me, Rikku?" She asks bringing me out of thought. She had a dead serious look in her eyes. Almost pleading.

" I hear you, Paine." I say. " I hear you."

----

_4 days later._

It took me a minute to get up the nerves to head back to the beach house. Well more than a minute. A few days to be exact. I would've stayed longer but Paine gave me this look. In the morning when I was getting dressed. In the physics class during the experiment. On the car ride home. During the night while we're eating dinner. Let's just say… it had an effect on me.

So here I am on this Friday evening coming into the beach house, back pack of personal belongings in hand, through the front door to be met by silence. No TV's were on, No lights were on but the kitchen light. I called out to someone but no one responded. I headed upstairs and found everyone gone. No Buddy. NO Gippal. No slutty blonde. I went to my bedroom and turned on some music and lights to give the home some life to it. I close my door and sat down at my desk. I was twitting with some paper when I remembered my phone needed to be charged. I forgot the charger here when I left. So I go in my drawer and plug up my phone.

Its not on the charger more than 2 minutes before it starts ringing. I don't feel like answering it but I look at the caller id anyway. It said Gippal….

I didn't answer it. I actually backed away as far as I could like it was some kind of poison…. Some threat to my life. And in a way….in Yuna's words he was. My palms became sweaty. My heart missed a beat. I almost tripped on my bed when it stopped. I took myself a minute and when I could finally feel my feet I got up. I remember

Paine's words and I find the will to go over to the phone to check for messages.

It was even one message. But just when I sigh in relief…the phone rings again.

And instead of fleeing away like last time, I get the courage to answer it. It was the same caller id. Gippal.

" Hello?" I say, swallowing my fear.

silence.

"Hello?" I ask again.

Silence.

I'm just about to hang up when someone answers. But its not who I expect. Its definitely not who I expect.

" H-Hi…. Um.. Is this Rikku?" This voice is familiar. But where have I heard it?

" Yes. Who I this?" I say. The voice sounds so familiar. But different in a way. Tired? Strained? Fearful maybe?

" You've only met me once. But that's not important. Listen….Gippal…." She stops. I hear cars drive by. Was she on the sidewalk or something. She was outside.

" What about Gippal?" I ask, she sounds panicked.

" Gippal…he is… I don't know…" She begins to struggle for words. I wait for her to say something but I begin to worry about what she's gonna say next.

" Gippal is too far gone. He…he…..got mad and….and…" She sounds like she's crying.

" Okay wait. " I say. " Calm down. "

" Look. Can you come down here… I think he's in trouble? Please…." She sounds desperate. Pleading.

I take a moment and Paine's words come in my head like the bright light that you see in near death experiences.

_You need to think about how he treats you sober. How he can't help himself. How that one more hit could be his last. Don't let that be on your shoulders. Help when you can, let it go when you need to._

So is this my chance to put that wisdom to use? Last time I had the devil-angel dilemma, I chose devil. But if I choose devil now, I would send everything my father taught me when he was sober, he was a fair, loving and good father. Teaching me lessons of kindness and fairness. Yet when he was sober he went against everything. Should I resemble the sober and noble Cid or the burn down the kitchen Cid?

------

_9 pm_

Paine , Yuna and I pulled up in Paine's black jeep to a broken down neighborhood. It was where most of the homeless went. That's what Yuna says anyway.

I believe her. Makeshift boxes lined parts of the alleys. Abandoned houses had broken windows. The windows were boarded over and graffiti riddled the sides. I was exactly afraid of the people in the area. They all look like homeless and druggies, who on the road of life had been met with a mad hatter and lost their way. And they had no one to lead them back. Or maybe they did and didn't listen. Would what I find be the mirror image of these souls? An empty shelled version of the man who's smile beat the sunrise's beauty?

When we drove a bit further in, I saw the reason we came down here. On the stoop of an abandoned house was the blonde I saw the night I decided to shut Gippal out of my life and tear him out of my heart. She wore a pair of cut off shorts and black long sleeve t-shirt. She was fiddling with her untamed hair. She was attempting to straighten it out but failed poorly. When we pulled up she didn't even look up.

" Is that her?" Paine asked when she shut off the car Yuna looked back at me with a concerned look.

" Do you want me to come with you?" Yuna asks.

" Yeah Yuna you go, because I'm not leaving my car alone in this dump." Paine says.

I sigh and zip up my jacket. I had called them for support and a ride and these people are ready to throw down when I give the call. Paine in an all black outfit and Yuna with her 'YRP' bag , as she called it, in the back. They didn't even waqit for me to finish telling them what was going on, I said Gippal and the slut in a neighborhood in the southern part of the city and they went full Rambo mode.

I ignore the two loonies in the front and I get out the car. At the sound of the car door opening, Nhadala , whose name I learned earlier, looks up with hope. She stands as I approach her and hugs herself in a protective way. She looks like she hasn't slept or eaten in days. Fragile.

" R-Rikku…right?" She asks me. I nod. We stand a few feet apart. My position a more secure version of hers.

" What's wrong with Gippal that I had to come down here?" I ask getting straight to the point. " He's the one that left so why is he not the one calling? And why did you call me and not Buddy?"

" Ok…look. " She takes a deep breath. " Gippal and I left his place that night and we went to this guy we know. Gippal's usual dealer. Gippal bought us a few hits and it was all good. But last night he got so mad. I don't think it was over a hit. He bought a few more hits. I was giving him his when I mentioned you and he got so mad. We argued and he stormed out of our hotel room. He was kind of high when he did too"

" So…" I try to make sense of what she is telling me. " if he stormed out of your hotel room, why am I meeting you here? Why not in the area of the hotel, because there are no hotels anywhere near here."

" He is most likely looking for a hit and this is where he would come to….but…." Nhadala looks away.

" But what?" I urge. I look back at Yuna and Paine and their eyeballing Nhadala like she may start something.

" Gippal …when he's pissed about something, .. He has cravings and he goes for a hit. But ever since he's met you, I haven't seen him this mad. He may do something reckless. Now I know what you think. Doing drugs is reckless. But we do it because it gives us this…amazing feeling that's better than….what we call our so-called lives." She sighs and looks at me. " He may go too far this time. And he may decide that that feeling is better than his life. And I don't know what to do so I called you?"

" And what am I suppose to do?" I ask a bit skeptical.

" Help me find him…please?" She asks a bit shaky. I look at her and feel pity. Yet I feel strong concern for Gippal. But where do I start looking in a place like this. crack heads , druggies and dealers line the streets.

" Why didn't you call Buddy?" I asked.

" I did. He is looking around at the hospitals and clinics." Nhadala explains.

" So I get the slums." I say to no one in particular.

" Look, I know you and Gippal love each other. So you would most likely be the person he'd listen to and calm him down. I need you to find him and get him to get outta here before our dealer finds him and gives him some more hits. Take him some place to get help…." Nhadala says.

" I don't love Gippal." I say but in some way it sounds like a lie to my own ears. Loving Gippal…. Could I?I move on though. " And you? What are you gonna do when we find him?"

" I can't stick around. I think its time for me to leave." She says. But she didn't seem like she knew where.

" And where would you go?" I ask. She shrugs. I sigh and my newly activated saint side takes over.

" You know the beach house is pretty big.." I sigh. " And if you needed a place to stay there is a room with your name on it."

She looks to me surprised by my comment. Yet she seems so touched by it. " Really?"

" Yeah. Let's just find Gippal first and get out of here." I say. She kind of smiles at me chuckles a weak and quick chuckle.

" Now I see why Gippal loves you…you're an angel to devils like us."

I walk her to the car and explain the situation to Paine and Yuna. They seem hesitant at first but then decide that finding him first would be best. And I see such concern in Paine's eyes. Yuna's holds the same. I think to myself how I'm surrounded by caring people. Had Gippal been the same he wouldn't of been this bad. Right? I want to be his safety net….I do. But that would mean admitting that I can save someone. And I know that's a lie. I couldn't save my dad….I'm the reason my mom died…

I want to prove to myself that I can save someone though. I want to start with him. I want to be able to love him. Help him heal. Save him from himself. But from what I see , all the while we've been together I've been turning his world upside down. Making him

unable to go back to his routine. Unable to save himself. Or did he ever have the ability?

I don't care anymore. I want him safe. I want to show myself that I'm not as bad as I think. I don't want to let him go. I don't want to let him kill himself. I don't want to have that weight on my shoulders. I don't want to let this go.

_I'm tired of letting it go…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED...**_

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_**OK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN , AFTER A LONG OVERDUE CONTINUATION I HAVE POSTED THE NEXT CHAPTER OF AYWB. I want to apologize to those who had to wait. I am quite busy and I am multitasking. Not good when writing a story. So I wait for time when I can focus. I want to post the next chapter soon. I have some major events happening soon. So don't worry. I don't really have a question for this chapter. Just…**_

" _**What did you think? How is the situation going to turn out in your mind? How should it? And love…or not? How was Gippal and Nhadala's past?"**_

_**Okey dokey. Until next time!**_

_**Xoxo, **_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	17. Inhale 9

A Year Without Breathing

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

**Chapter 17: inhale**

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_Gippal……_

…_..the last I'll ever take in…_

This cold concrete jungle will be my final bed.

I rest against the old plaster wall. The only support I will ever have again.

This heroin mistress seduces through my veins.

She reels me of my senses.

She slowly kisses the life from my body.

It feels no pain.

Yet my heart is dying a thousand times over.

I sit here in what is likely to be my final hours and I only think of _her._

The smell of her.

The taste of her.

The feel of her

I miss it.

Her laugh

Her smile

Her voice.

I long for it.

Those eyes. Those lips.

Those thighs. Those hips.

I relish in the thought of our ill-fated romance

Though it was never meant to last…

I would be one of the many things I didn't regret.

Although it was quite odd matched.

'So the lion falls in love with the lamb'

The saying goes.

But was the lamb as innocent as one would suppose.

A deceitful demon…

A devil in disguise…

Yet all I saw was heaven in those emerald eyes.

If I had one last wish

It would be for this.

One final kiss

A final kiss from those angel soft lips.

Yet all is lost now.

I wont be here much longer anyhow.

I've taken so much….

I've chosen my demise

What a dumb thing to do, would say the wise

My heroin mistress is preceding the grim reaper.

My eyelids are heavy.

I am slipping deeper.

I'm losing my grasp.

I'm slipping now.

Yet my mistress is evil

She tortures me anyhow.

She allows me to hear the sound of _her _voice.

I would try to block it out.

But do I really have a choice?

She calls to me.

My beautiful virulent siren.

Yet I have no strength to return her call.

I have fallen.

Its too late. There's no point at all.

My heroin mistress envelopes me in her arms.

I succumb to her promises.

I succumb to her charms.

Yet as I am inches from peace…

It is the golden haired love I get a glimpse to see.

She reaches for me.

I feel her hand.

That coveted touch

This is a sweeter end than I had planned

As the darkness surrounds me,

the fatal lullaby begins.

I inhale her celestial scent with a painful breathe

…_..the last I'll ever take in…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

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DUM DUM DUM!!!! COULD THIS BE IT FOR OUR BELOVED GIPPAL? WAS RIKKU TOO LATE? I gave my adored reader this chap as a Christmas gift ( holiday gift) yet I leave you with a cliff hanger. Oh the irony… yet I feel like this poem I put instead of a chapter captured the essence of what Gippal's outlook and feelings would be this point in the story. In a way…. Im satisfied.

_**Give me your comments and reflections on this chap plz! It'll be ur gift to me . **_

_**Reviews are love… Love me? Until next time!**_

_**Xoxo, **_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	18. Exhale 9

A Year Without Breathing

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

**Chapter 18- exhale**

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_Rikku…_

…_I'll give you my strength…I'll make it alright…_

My dad use to tell me when ,I was young, that your life is already planned out. From the moment your conceived what you do, the people you meet ,and even the choices you make has been foreseen and decided. I thought he was just depressed back then. That was back when mom was around. He was sad a lot those days. Saying a lot of things out of the norm. I didn't pay him any mind. Now is the weirdest moment to think back on his words...heh. But if his words are true….what did I do in my past life to be forced to endure a love like this.

My feet can't carry me fast enough to my heart. The pain of being away from him , knowing he is in this pain is unbearable. My heart races to him. My body searches for him. I'm being pulled to this old abandoned house at the end of this dead end street. Its kind of deserted. One or two homeless in a makeshift home in between the abandoned houses. Some inside. Dope fiends were few but you could tell who they were. The grass was overgrown in the few spots it grew in this urban setting. I rush pass all the other houses and straight to that one house. The door was closed but not locked. I rush in , uncaring of my own safety of what could be in here, I senses him in here. I just knew he was. The living room, or what I guessed was suppose to be, was littered with debris and other things I don't wish to find out what it is.

" Gippal!" I call out. No answer. But I knew he was here. He had to be. My heart…..it felt his. That may be weird to say but it did. It felt him. His pain….or weak lack there of.

I search the next three rooms. A dilapidated kitchen, bathroom and front bedroom had no signs of Gippal. I only had one door left. At the end of the hall. He had to be in there or I just wasted my time, precious time I could be using to save him. Or could have saved him with….

" Gippal!" I call out again ignoring that last thought if not but for my sanity. I come up to the door in a light jog and its not really closed. I just push it lightly and open it to a bedroom. Or at least I think it is. There is not carpet. Concrete is the only floor. White walls reflect the little light a broken window across from me gave it. I come in only a step before I see him.

He is leaned against the wall on the ground. I immediately rush to his side. I kneel down by him, careful not to crush any of the needles spread around him. There was about 5 or 6. He had been here for a while. My hands caress his cheeks and I turn his already leaning head to face me. His pupils are dilated. His eyes glazed over a bit. I feared he was almost dead for a second but he had some warmth in his cheeks. I feel tears roll down my cheeks. In never ending streams. I can't help the joy that fills my heart, replacing the fear. Only a bit though.

He leans in to my touch a bit and sighs. I lean towards his face and let my lips brush his. If he had any strength or will left he used it that moment. He kissed me. Weakly. Gently. Sadly. I smile. He has the will. I pull back from his kiss. He isn't happy about that. I hear it in his weak and soft groan. I look around the room quickly. I observe the damage. I see his little 'cooking station'. The lighter, the spoon, the empty bags that probably had the heroin was there. I saw the needle in his hand. I let his face go and reached into his limp hand and carefully took the needle. It was empty. I put it down as I looked to the arm that rested in front of me on his lap. The long-sleeve of his dirtied gray V-neck shirt was rolled up and I saw what he had done to himself. The veins in his arms were showing through his skin. I saw the injection spots. More than I'd like to see. The old ones he already had. They were all there.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at him. Cuss him out. Tell him how much I hated him for doing this to himself. Plead for him to tell me why he did it to himself. Ask him why he would be so willing to leave this world…and me. Cry. I wanted to do it all at once, but what I found myself doing was quite different. I stand, taking his needle-spotted arm with me, and yanked him up. He came easily to my surprise. The anger fueled my adrenaline. The hurt fueled my strength. He grimaced weakly as he leaned back against the wall, now standing. I didn't let him stay there. I put his arm over my shoulder and didn't care about his weight as I put my free arm around his waist. I walked him, well kind of limped him out of the room and out of that house. We got down the stairs when he started to cough and groan more. I just held him tighter and urged him to come on. More like aggressively told him.

" Don't you dare, Gippal !" I told him when he began to slump. I yanked him up and kept going. I got to the corner of the street when my phone rang. I knew it was Paine by the ringer. I couldn't answer though. I was too busy holding Gippal. I needed to get him out of here. I needed him to live. He was dropping fast from all the drugs that must be in his system.

I was beginning to doubt if I could get him out of here, despite my determination. But it seems the heavens was on my side. Just then Yuna pulled in front of us with the SUV. I felt relief wash over me. She hopped out and came over to me.

" Is he okay?" She asks.

" No…. I don't know. He's taken a lot of drugs. I saw needles everywhere where I found him. " I explained to her. She looked at him for a quick second. I saw the fear that was probably in mine just a few moments ago.

" We have to get him to a hospital. Let's hurry and get him in the car then go and find Paine and Nhadala. We should get him to a hospital as quickly as possible." She said. And didn't argue. I got into the back seat with him and just held him.

Hoping that in some way my strength and will to love him with my all, my determination to not let him be like all others that I have cared for before, not let him die without living out the life so many could not have, would all flow into him. I just held him. Held him and thought only one thing as we headed to the hospital:

…_I'll Give you my strength…I'll make it alright…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

_**---**_

_**I know. I know. Long wait. But I'm doing better. I got a new computer so I'll be typing more. So I'll another chap up soon. I didn't want to put too much in one chap. This was another kind of short chap that gave you a brief view into the part one climax moment I guess. But have no fear, more insight next chap. Tell me your thoughts on this chapter. Freestyle. Reviews are love. Love me?**_

_**XoXo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	19. Inhale 10

**A Year Without Breathing**

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Before I start this chapter I'd like to thank and acknowledge the reviews. I would also like to thank Jenova for their honesty. It hurt at first but I did better in this chapter just to get that 'wow' factor back in to the reviews. So enjoy. **_

**Chapter 19- Inhale**

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_Gippal…_

…_why'd she make me…why'd she give it to me…_

Once you've settled your mind on a decision , your soul has no choice but to go along with it. But what do you do when your mind's decision is deferred and replaced with an unwelcome fate? How does your soul adapt? How does it recover? How does it move to the next step? That's my dilemma right now. I know where I am. I feel the pain. I hear the all too familiar aftermath surroundings. The sterile smell flows through my nostrils and in it, carries the scent of heaven.

Only it was my heaven. It was her. I knew. I smelled her, felt her delicate fingers touching my face. The warmth of her touch was so soothing. Yet so painful. A reminder of what I was no good for. What I tried to leave but couldn't. what keeps dragging me back to her…..I don't know. But after the day I left I decided I would end it. I decided that would take away the pain. It didn't. it only made it worst. She must hate me. I know it. I was only half conscious when she took me, slowly weaving into darkness, but I felt her anger. I sensed her tears. I made her cry. I made an angel cry.

I feel low. I feel like scum. I feel like shit. Mentally and physically.

I've been in constant pain. My body is wrenching in pain and I can only bare it. They wont give me anything. I'm a addict. A heroin addict at that. I'm a risk for additional addictions. Bull. I call it. I crave for a fix in the worst way right now. My body is sweat but I'm cold. I can barely lay still. I try to though because I don't want her to know I'm awake. I don't want to face the inevitable. I want to remember her love for me in the past just a little longer. I was a hero in her eyes. I saw it. But I ignored it. Brushed it to the back of my mind. I should have set her straight. I was no hero. I was no here. Not for her. Not to me. Yet she looked up to me. Why?

I have to face her eventually. She's been by my side since I came here. I think. Its been about 3 days. I woke up that first evening , pain running through my body and my head spinning like I'd taken 3 spins on the biggest roller coaster ever, and she was there. She laid asleep in the chair in the corner. Her body covered by a hospital cover. I could see the redness under her eyes. She had been crying. The lights were off except for the lamp by her. She was writing something. I couldn't see what. I didn't care. I had to suppress a groan when a surge of chills come over me. I think I woke her because I saw her stir. I quickly closed my eyes and held still as well as I could. I heard her move and get up. She came to my bedside and touched my cheek. She sighed and leaned down and kissed my lips. It took a lot not to kiss her back but I swore then I didn't want to let her know I was awake. I didn't want to face her. I would coward. I chose to take this pain on myself. Not her.

And now I think to myself, I chose her. I chose her…..

---{ flashback}---

_I had just caught Rikku after she put my dick on the slicing block for buddy. He only laughed after the 4 seconds it took for her to say it and run and the 6 it took me to go after her. I caught her quite easily. Wrestled her into my room. Shoved her against the door. I trapped her between my arms so she couldn't escape. Are breaths mingled as I inched closer to her. I was pissed. She left me hanging. I was amused. She actually left me hanging. I was also hot for her. Hot as hell. Between the wrestling and the adrenaline I was ready to rip her clothes off. Give her an even better taste than the night before. But I thought it'd be nice to give her words first. Try and find an explanation as to why she did what she did. Like I cared…_

"_What was that about?" __I try not to chuckle at the look on her face._

" _It was either me or you." She says in a kind of squeak. I grin. _

" _and you chose yourself." I finished the unspoken part of that statement. She sacrificed me for her own sake. Clever little chick. _

"_Wouldn't you?" she asks me. And I had to think for a second on that. But I kept her eyes locked on mine so she wouldn't know. _

" _What? Choose myself over you?" I chuckle a bit. The question caught me off guard._

_That question made me realize how much I really cared for this chick. Her bright smile , her harmonious laugh, her beautiful emerald eyes, her satiny touch, that sunshine blonde hair. The way she talks and walks. Her body as a whole. Sexually and emotionally. I'd give it all to her. I'd give up my whole useless existence if for one moment in time I could save her. Prove I wasn't all scum. I'd definitely choose her. Without a doubt. Her. _

" _Most definitely" I growl but my mind screams ' it would always be you' and I claim her lips so I don't say it out loud. Never out loud. I would never tell her that I would choose…_

_--- { End Flashback}---_

" you…" the words leave my lips before I could think twice about it. My voice wasn't my own. Scratchy. Dry. Yet still deep.

I sigh with knowing that it was time to face her. Her hand twitched. Her breath caught. I slowly open my eyes, only to slits so I could adjust to the light, and see her looking at me. Confusion. Relief. Love. Worry. All of these emotions I see in her eyes. Maybe a hint of sadness….but no hate. That soothed and put me at unease at the same time.

"G-Gippal …what...what is it?" she asks me. She must have not of heard me. So I say it again.

" You…" I say. She looks more confused now. She had no idea what I was talking about.

" what about me?" she asks. I sigh again, this coming clean shit was annoying.

" it would…it was…its always going to be you that I choose." I say. I still see a hint of confusion so I explain what I remember. " after our first night together, that morning, you gave me up to Buddy and asked if I would do the same. I said yes…… but I lied."

" you'd… choose…me?" she asked, and I couldn't read her eyes for a moment.

" I know we've known each other for less than 5 months maybe but …I'd choose you." I say. The talking was a bit much for my condition and I can't help but cough.

" really?….but why?" she asks me and I sigh…I thought it'd be obvious. Or maybe I had hoped.

" Because no matter how you look at it or how I try to deny it, I-"I was about to finish, what I don't know, but then the doctor walks in. and so does Buddy.

" Ah! Looks like he's awake today for my check up. I'm pleased to see you so attentive. " The doctor says. He walks over to the bed and checks some of the machines around me.

" You were going to say something Gippal, what was it?" Rikku asks me. She's anxious to hear something. Something I shouldn't ever say, I wasn't ready to say it now. If at all. There was no turning back after I did say it.

" Its nothing… that's all. " I say weakly. It was stupid to have ever brought anything up. I turn away from the disappointed look I know she has on her face. I did it again. Great….

" What were you two talking about?" Buddy asked. He knew. I knew he knew by the slick grin on his face.

" Nothing. Drop it." I say to him. I tried to add base to my voice but I almost cough instead.

" You couldn't do anything to make me in your condition right now." He chuckles.

" yeah but when I can you'll be a dead man , punk" I threaten. Buddy laughs and so does the doctor.

" Brothers?" The doctor asks me as he comes over and checks my pulse.

" Cousins." Buddy answers the doctor writes something on his clipboard and sets it on the bed. He takes out a flash light and shines it in my eyes.

" First cousins right?" He asks. I guess buddy nodded. I cant see due to the colored spots that now forms in my eyes.

" Well, Mr. Corvain ,your doing a bit better than the day you first came in. I notice your still having cold sweats and goose bumps but that's normal for the first month or so after the near overdose. Your withdrawal is going in no fatal direction as I can tell." he tells me. Rikku has moved back into the corner chair.

" Have you been having any nausea feeling or diarrhea lately?" he asks me. I feel embarrassed about him asking about my bowels in front of Rikku.

" I haven't really been hungry so I haven't really had to go to the bathroom." I say with a clearing of my throat.

" That's normal. Lost of appetites is normal. You should try and eat something though. To regain your strength.." He tells me. I yawn and he rights more things on his clipboard. It was annoying.

" Yeah whatever. So when can I get out of here?" I ask. It sounds jackass-ish but I really don't care right now. I'm tired of this hospital.

" Well if you let me finish my evaluation I can tell you." he reasons with me. I sigh and unhappily submit. He continues with all the doctor shit and Buddy and Rikku only watch.

--

A few moments later.

"Your pulse has gone down a bit and your breathing is better. I want to monitor your blood pressure among other things and keep you an extra day for observation. We'll see if your condition dissipates or evolves. But if everything goes as planned you will probably be released around this this Thursday." The Doctor's report is somewhat of an ease to me.

I'm not at total ease because I still hate being in this hospital for another moment. Not to mention…Rikku will undoubtedly be by my side…or near by. And personally I just want her to disappear… or go away. Her being nearby reminds me of my failures, my undeserved affection from her. It makes me yearn for her and the more I yearn for her the more attached I get. And the day u have to go away….which is soon because I know uncle rin knows about this already, I'll have to give her up and that'll kill me if I don't start weaning myself now. I need to break from her….and that'll be easier if she and I don't go back to what we were. don't go back to that intimacy we had. And it'd be easier if she lost her feelings for me and replaced it with dislike….even hate.

When the doctor left it was quiet for a few moments. I didn't say anything. Rikku didn't say anything. And Buddy just watched the awkwardness between us. I couldn't stand the silence so I decided to excuse Rikku from the room somehow.

" Can one of you go and get me a drink or something from the cafeteria?" I ask looking at buddy in a way that said don't volunteer. He looks at Rikku.

" Rikku , can you go and get it? I'm a bit tired of walking around the hospital." Buddy asks her. She doesn't protest. She just holds her hand out and he hands her some money.

Once she's clear Buddy looks to me.

" Either your really tired of the awkwardness between you two or you want to talk about something you don't want her involved in." Buddy says sitting in the chair she was in.

" Both…" I confess. " I …I kind of caused the awkwardness between us."

" By almost telling her you love her? I know." he says it so easily. I should of known he was listening to our conversation. " I don't know why you didn't just tell her. Clear the air."

" Because I don't want to clear the air!" I say annoyed of the subject. " what good would it do anyway. Once uncle Rin finds out about my slip up, he'll either ship me off to rehab or her off to stay with him in his new York condominium. Its better to leave 'us' where we are. If we were anything at all. Besides I'd rather she'd hate me then love me any day. Now drop it. "

" But you'll just be-" he begins to chuckle but I say drop it again.

" Uncle Rin….does he know?" I ask.

" No. He's called once but I covered for you and he said he planned on talking to you soon. So he probably wont until next week." Buddy says.

" Okay…." I say. " what about Nhadala? Where is she? How is she doing…?"

" She's fine. Uncle Rin does know she's here. She's staying at the house too. Her and Rikku seem to be…..cordial with each other. I thought they'd go at it." Buddy grins in amusement at the thought. I can't help but feel kind of sick. I had to go back to that house. The house where both girls…an old flame and a coveted love lived. Oh this day just gets better and better.

" Hopefully I wont have to deal with her….I'm starting to…..really hate having her around. She's nothing but an omen." I say. Just then Rikku walks in. she had an odd look on her face. I tried to read it but she came in and gave buddy the green tea and a sandwich she bought then turned to leave.

" Where are you going?" Buddy asked the words I couldn't seem to say.

" Out with Yuna and Paine. This hospital atmosphere is starting to annoy me." She explains. She grabs her book bag off the table in this hospital suite.

" You coming back to visit Gippal tomorrow?" Buddy asks.

" I may not have time. Lots of school work….you understand." Rikku says. Its obvious she's avoiding coming back to see me. But why?…

" You heard us talking." I more so stated it than asked it. When Rikku didn't say anything for a moment , I knew the answer was 'yes' but that isn't what left her mouth.

" I should get going. Paine and Yuna are waiting for me. I'll see you at the house Buddy." she doesn't acknowledge me. I just watch her leave and don't say anything to stop her.

" You should have said something. She is going to think we were talking about her." he says.

" How do you know? How do you know what she heard? She probably heard everything." I say my voice a bit deflated.

" I heard her come to around when we started talking about Nhadala, a nurse or someone said hey to her. Called her miss faithful. The old nurses gave her that name. she thinks you said the things you said about Nhadala are about her. " Buddy explains. And although a moment of pain stung my heart, it was replaced with sad relief. This making her hate me thing would be easier than I thought.

" Well, either way…..its for the best. It just makes it easier this way…" I don't know if I was trying to convince Buddy or myself. Either way I left it at that. …..

I just cant stand it inside…tearing me apart….

I had given up on life. I was resolved to die.

I didn't want to live anymore.

I had nothing to live for anymore.

So….

_…. Why'd she make me….. Why'd she give it to me…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

_**---**_

_**Ta-Da!!!! I am proud of myself in this chapter. I did focus on the inner turmoil of Gippal again but hey! it's the climax/ descending actions of the story. I need to focus on these parts. I hope I improved Jenova's opinion on my story chapters. Did I ? **_

_**Reviews are love, love me? .**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


	20. Exhale 10

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**I used some song lyrics in the dialogue between Gippal and Nhadala and some poems lyrics as well. I was reading for something that could kind of give voice to Gippal and Nhadala's emotions at this moment. Credit goes to the following:**_

_**{Songs}**_

_**Ayumi Yamasaki-" is this love?" Translated and adapted to English by Mara**_

_**{Poems}**_

_**Your Love is Drugged- author unknown. Google the poem. I recommend it. **_

**Chapter 20- Exhale**

---

_Rikku…_

…_how?…_

" We'll call you later, Rikku!" Yuna calls to me as Paine drives off.

They've just dropped me off in front of the house. it's the second time I've been home in a week. I came home the night I left the hospital to get some things. Buddy wasn't back yet. I left a note on his desk saying I was staying a few days at Yuna's. he didn't call or anything so I guess it was cool. I came a day or two ago and got some more clothes and I came at the wrong time. He had just brought Gippal home. He was lying in his bed with the door open when I came upstairs to my room.

Buddy saw me walk by and said 'so she returns'. I didn't respond. I kept walking and got my things, I gave him a ' I'll see you in a few days' and leave again. But as I come into the house today, duffle bag of dirty clothes in tow, I can't help but feel it wont be so easy to avoid Gippal as it was last time. I come in the door and head to the kitchen. Its about 10 pm. I was sure the house would be dark and I was right. I went over to the fridge, tossing my duffle bag on the counter and I went to the fridge and got a beer. I bump the fridge door close with my hip as I go to open the beer on the counter. I go to hold the beer over the kitchen sink as it began to fizz over. Fresh. I liked it. What I didn't care for was the site I saw outside the window.

On the deck both leaning against the deck railing , perpendicular to echo her with their arms folded, was Gippal and Nhadala. They seemed to be talking. I knew I shouldn't be watching but something kept my feet glued to the floor. I couldn't understand what or why, but it also caused me to duck down a bit as they began talking a bit more. Nhadala looked more emotional and I swore tears brinked her eyes. I sat down with my back to the cabinets. Their voices could still be heard by me though. Although some words I might have missed.

"I look into your eyes, and they go straight through me….that girl….stole it…"I can't hear a few words that Nhadala says.

" She stole nothing…" Gippal's voice reached my ears now. " what we had was…. Something I don't want to go back to. It wasn't healthy. "

" But it was real." She sounds hurt. " You're my best and worst addiction.."

" Nhadala, we were addicted to a drug .And we'd do just about anything for it and on it. You aren't addicted to me. Your addicted to the way I could help make you feel." Gippal says.

" No Gippal. I love you. Whether its good for me or not. I truly love you." Nhadala says.

" No you care strongly for me maybe….love me maybe…but your not in love. You can't be. " I hear footsteps, he moved.

" I love you so much." Nhadala says.

" But you only cause me pain." Gippal retorts. I hear anger and annoyance in his voice.

Nhadala doesn't respond.

"You leave me weak and drained. High on the bridge of recklessness. And I'm afraid that one day you'll either push me off or I'll jump on my own." Gippal says.

" Like you tried to do last time…" Nhadala says.

" Yeah…..just like I tried to do last time…." Gippal says.

" She's the one isn't she?" Nhadala suddenly says. Quiet.. The one?

" What do you mean? She's a kid." Gippal says. I hear more moving. Nhadala this time?

I hear Nhadala give a sad soft chuckle. " I should have known when I saw you at the airport that you had changed."

" I have but she has nothing to do with it. I don't even care for -" Gippal begins to protest.

"I was never foolish enough to doubt…I was never so absurd as to ask you…something idiotic like 'why isn't it me?'." Nhadala began to say, ignoring Gippal's attempt to talk, even now. "But despite the fact you were close by, Familiarity seemed to fade into nothing. And though so near, you seemed more like a stranger. I should have known the moment our eyes met. "

" Nhadala, your talking nonsense." Gippal says.

" No actually! For once in my life. I'm completely focused. That day you almost overdosed made me realize a lot of things. My body was too worried about my next hit that my mind never got a say in what was right unless it was thinking about a way to get that hit …but now…" Nhadala sounds a bit more resolved. Still sad but not so on the brink of emotion.

" what Nhadala? Now your some Wiseman? You see the light? You know the error of your ways and what's really in my mind? You know what's really keeping me up at night and causing me all this inner turmoil? Well then by all means Mrs. Prophet, enlighten me! Tell me why I spend my time watching the sunset then spend the rest regretting not being able to die in that godforsaken abandoned building! I'd love to know! Because I regret living. I wish she'd left me to die! I wish she never met me. I wish-" Gippal got harsher with each sentence but he never got to finish.

SMACK!!

I heard it and I jumped at the sound. It was hard. I could tell. And I knew who was hit. Nhadala had slapped Gippal. I couldn't help my curious eyes. I began to ease up so that I could see a bit over the windowsill. Enough to see Gippal with his face turned in the direction Nhadala had slapped it, but just enough so they couldn't see me. That slap was definitely hard. His cheek was already turning red. Even in his tan skin tone, I could see it.

Nhadala was giving him a death glare. Gippal was still stunned.

" Now you listen to me! I'm tired of you wallowing in your self pity! You refuse to accept that I can love you and I can accept that! But you and I both know that what I'm saying is true! You've changed drastically. I see it! " Nhadala spit's the words out between gritted teeth. She takes a minute and looks to her right…then turns back to him with softened eyes. Her voice a little softer when she speaks now.

" Even though from time to time, You showed the sadness in your eyes, It's only now that I can see its cause." She sighs to ease her breathing. " And now I can see so clear, that it's not within my power to do anything for you. I have to accept that the only one who could ever touch deep in your heart was that girl…You….."

"love her…? I ….I …have been fighting this whole time Knowing that this would hurt.I feared it even as I gave in to it. But I refuse to live with it." Gippal says as he wipes a bit of blood from his lip. Apparently that hit made him either cut his lip or it busted it. " She and I…..we….there is nothing to discuss further. I -"

" God, Your so dense and you don't even know it." Nhadala shakes her head in pity as she accompanies it with a chuckle and sigh to match. She just walks up to him and softly caresses the cheek she smacked. She leans in and whispers something I cant seem to catch or even read and then kisses his cheek.

She turns and begins walking to the back door and says something as she opens it. I duck before she can even turn the doorknob.

"You don't know what you have until you've lost it, so don't let it get away."

I heard Nhadala go right by the kitchen and up the stairs. I waited a moment or two and let what they had discussed digest into my brain. What Nhadala told him…the way he responded…that last remark. What did she whisper to him? I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to feel. If I was confused when I left the hospital about a week ago….I'm lost as hell now. And I blamed him. He had me questioning if he loved me….had me questioning if I loved him as well. I couldn't stand having this much turmoil in my heart and in my mind. DAMN HIM! I …..I just wish I could hate him! Heaven knows I tried. But every time I see him….I forget the reason why….

I decide to head upstairs before Gippal comes in. I quickly grab my duffle bag and tip toe up the stairs. I hear him come in as I get to the top. His coughs give him away. I head into my room and toss my duffle bag by my desk. I go into my closet and start changing into a pair of blue pajama shorts and a black tank top. I come out just in time to hear Gippal go into his bedroom. His door closes and I head to bed after locking my bedroom door. I can't help but go to sleep with his words in my mind. Especially one sentence in particular.

"_I wish she'd left me to die!"_

---

I awoke that Saturday morning late. I knew it was late because the sun was shining into my room.. I laid in bed for a few moments before I decided I should head downstairs and get something to eat. Yuna and Paine probably called but I forgot to charge my cell phone. So screw that. I came out my room and saw Gippal's door was cracked. I didn't want to peak in but the sounds coming from his room made me curious. It sounded like shivering, coughing, hacking.

I saw Buddy's door and Nhadala's door was open. They must have either been out or downstairs because I heard no voices in Gippal's room. I wanted to just walk past, but something made me walk in. I came into a freezing room. I mean it was fricken COLD! I didn't see Gippal in his bed but I did hear the noises again. This time from the bathroom. I head over to the bathroom and I see a sad sight. It wasn't pitiful…but it made me sad.

Hugging to the porcelain of the toilet like it was a soothing siren, Gippal was heaving out half his insides. He hacked and coughed and sweat beaded on his forehead. He shivered and I saw goose bumps on his arms as I approached. He must have not have heard me come into his room period. The carpet may have muffled my footsteps. All I know is that he didn't know I was there because when I walked next to him and touched his shoulder, he jumped. He coughed before he looked up to see me. I saw confusion then I saw sadness in his eyes.

"why -cough- are you in here?" he leaned back into the toilet bowl and hacked out air.

" I heard you, thought I'd come and see if your were okay." I lied. I was just being nosy. Plus part of me wanted to see him. Even after last night. Maybe because of the quick talk we had in the hospital. How he almost said he….or maybe he wasn't going to say it at all.

" Well, I'm fine. So you can just g-" Gippal isn't able to finish because he suddenly begins to puke out the rest of his insides. I simply sigh and go and get a rag out of his linen closet. I wet it in some warm water and come back. He's still puking. His hands were bald into fist and pressed on the toilet seat.

" Here" I said to him once he was done puking.

He flushed the toilet and took the rag. Wiping his mouth he sat at the toilet for a moment. I guess to see if he was going to puke anymore. After a few moments, he decided it was safe to stand. He wiped his mouth with the rag and headed over to the sink, which I was leaning against. He didn't say a thing to me, he just came over and washed out his mouth and brushed his teeth. He was still having shivers. And the sweat beads were still there. He took a rag he probably already used and ran it in warm water before wiping his face.

"So , now that your down puking out half of your guts.." I begin. I try to lighten the mood but he only looks at me. I turn and look away from him.

" What do you want, kid?" he asked in an annoyed tone, his voice scratchy.

" Can I ask you about something?" I ask him.

" You just did. Now go away." he sounds harsh, but I know from experience that it's a front. He's hiding something. But what?

" What were you going to say that day in the hospital?" I asked. He sighs. He knows exactly what I'm asking. He braces the counter edge and gives a quick clearing of his throat.

" What do you mean?" he asks me annoyance really showing, even in his solemn expression.

" You know what I mean." I say with a huff at his avoidance of the obvious.

" I don't have the patience nor the health to stand here and play your little game -cough-" he says. He pushes away from the counter and heads past me and out of the bathroom.

I'm right on his heels.

" What game? If anyone is playing games its you!" I retort. He turns on his heels and faces me. I wasn't prepared for him to do so and bumped into his chest.

" And what game would I be playing with you, Kid? Tell me that." he asks suppressing a cough.

" I wouldn't know what you'd call it!" I rebuttal. "But your playing something."

" I'm not playing anything. There's nothing to discuss." He fusses. He's shivering, probably from the temperature of the room.

" Yes there is! You told me at the hospital that you'd always choose me. Your about to say something else but then the doctor walks in and you act like nothing happened." I almost yell but keep my voice down.

" Are you really bothering me over a damn unfinished conversation?!" he sounds incredulous.

" No! I'm confronting you about your hot and cold attitude, your inability to open up to me, your secrets, and how you think I should have let you died in that dilapidated shit hole!" I say these words with a tone I wanted him to make sure he heard the pain and frustration I felt with him.

He was only quiet for a moment. His face formed a cold expression , or attempted to.

" I do.. If it would mean I wouldn't have to wake up every day and feel like scum and shit. Or remember how good my life was and how I cant do what I love or have who I-…" Gippal catches his words and looks away to catch his composure. I stare him down. " yes. I do wish you had left me there to die. At least then I could be in some kind of peace of mind."

" Well, get over it. Life hurts. They'll be mornings where you wont even have a reason to wake up. But you have to deal and keep moving forward. Quit riding a fucking pity train! And quit playing with me as you do it." He doesn't say anything. So I continue. " I've never opened up to someone like I did to you and I've never been as close to someone like I've been with you. And since you think I should've let you die, I'd appreciate it if you would just come out and tell me how you really feel about me. Because if you hate me I'd prefer if you tell me now so I can just move on wi-"

I was blabbing out my feelings in one big wave and I couldn't keep track myself. But they were all shut up when I was pulled by a strong arm to his chest and his lips sealed over my own. I tasted mint in his kiss, I tasted pure …. Anger and also pure love. He holds me to his body to the point where I thought I'd mold into him. His hands caressed my body in a way that should have been illegal. It held such passion. Such a rough touch and such tenderness as well. It seemed like forever before it ended. But when it did , and Gippal sat me back on my feet ( I don't know when I was lifted off it.) , he said one thing. His lips centimeters from mine. Our breaths mingling in the most intimate way. And he told me one thing. And one thing only. It made my heart…..

" I do hate you." He whispers in the harshest tone. Then he pushes me away. I stumble back as he finishes his thought. " You disgust me. So if you'd don't mind. I'd prefer you'd leave. No! better yet…I'll do the leaving this time. "

And he left me there. Standing shocked and broken hearted in his bedroom. No tears would come but I felt…..soon that's all that would be left of what I thought we had.

It'll all get better in time….but…

…_how?…_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

_**---**_

_**Ta-Da!!! I finished this chap and big things are happening in the next. We're coming down to our last bits of breaths and I can't wait to finish off this story on a good note.! I have a unforeseen ending in store for you! You'll love it! ( I hope!) and then its off to finish ADW2 and the CAR:T. so bear with me! Catch you next chap! And there may be a surprise soon for my ADW2 readers! Shhh. don't tell. Reviews are love. Love me?**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	21. Inhale 11

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

**Chapter 21- Inhale**

---

_Gippal…_

…_I…can accept it…_

My coach always told me _' Corvain! If you keep losing against the same opponent, you have to stop and think maybe there is something you need to do different to beat them the next time.' _I took those words to heart. Used it in every mind set. When I fought, I fought with those words in mind. And I won with those words in mind. It always brought me through rough times and fights.

And its doing the same for me now. I sit on the edge of my bed thinking. About a lot of things really. I have a lot on my mind. My bedroom is dark except for the dim light from the moon. It illuminates the dark brown tone of the mahogany floors. I watched it absent mindedly. I was anxious. I couldn't sleep. It was opposite of everyone else in the house. They were fast asleep. Beside the fact that my withdrawal was probably making me stay up like this, other things kept me up. They didn't have my reasons to be anxious. To be frustrated. To be longing.

I had again taking coach's words into my mindset and manned up. I called Uncle Rin. Last week. I explained what had happened, got chewed out for about 2 hours , and then told him I wanted to go to a rehab facility. He registered me for a private rehab facility. Somewhere in Arizona. Says it'll be good for me to get away and that its quiet. Not a lot of attention. So I'll be out of the media. Its for the best I guess. Yet I feel this sadness. I'm use to Uncle Rin relocating me. Not to a rehab, this being the first time I've gone voluntarily. I know why I have this sadness. She wasn't in my life when he sent me away the last time. I didn't have something I didn't want to leave. Now I do. And now I have to.

Its been about 3 1/2 weeks since I told her I hated her. Since I told her she disgusted me. Since I put the nail in the coffin that held anything that could have been a relationship. And I ….kind of regret it. Scratch that. At the time I didn't. I felt like shit but I didn't regret it. Now I'm starting to. I don't want to leave knowing I hurt her. Then on the other hand I don't want to leave and have her think I really did hate her. I love that chick more than life itself. I…..I needed to man up once again and just tell her how I feel. And….that I'm leaving. And I needed to do it now before I lost my nerve.

With that thought, I got up and walk over to my door. My mind was saying go and my body was too. But for wrong reasons. My heart couldn't decide why it was going. But all 3 called for her. I couldn't back out. I took the steps in a determined yet subtle manner. I came to her door and decided to do a light knock. I waited a few moments and was about to knock again but on my first knock, the door slightly cracked. She peaked out the door. Her eyes showed she was sleeping. I felt almost bad about waking her up. Almost.

" hey..." I say a bit nervous as I scratch the back of my head.

" what?" she asks in a flat annoyed tone. I guess I deserved that. I did say those cruel things to her. How can I be offended? I wanted to talk. Not argue. Or bicker.

" Come take a walk with me. I need to talk to you." I say in a non-threatening, non-aggressive tone. I see her lips form to say no but something makes her rethink. I go in for the chance to persuade her. "Please."

She stays quiet for a moment then says " let me get my jacket."

She closes the door and I wait. It was probably cold outside but I couldn't go in my room or I'd stay there. Or worse, take her with me. I had on a pair of long gray jogging pants, a black tank and no socks on. But the sand is refreshingly cool at night. Especially to my scorching body. She came back out a few moments later with a 4 sizes too big fleece coat on. I saw she was wearing short pajama shorts and some flip flops. I didn't say anything. And she wasn't waiting.

She walked ahead of me as we heading out to the back of the house. The moment the night air hit me, I felt like that house was suddenly a sauna. We strolled for a while along the beach before I decided to get to what my point to coming here was. I shoved my hands in my pockets and messed with the lint as I looked at my feet leaving prints in the sand. We were about 15 feet away from the end of the beach. The last house was already passed and also vacant.

" I know what I said …..what I've been saying has been jerking you around. And I wanted to clear things up." I say. My voice was quiet but I knew she heard me.

" I think you did that the last time we talked. If that's what you brought me out for then-" She stops walking in the same direction and turned on her heels.

" No! Rikku, wait! Hear me out." I say catching her elbow. Her arms were folded over her stomach. She looked at me with annoyance. " please?"

I start walking , gently tugging her with me, and she starts to walk along with me again. This time quiet but weary.

" I know what I said to you in my room that day was cruel. And I also know that it really hurt you. But it was….just me trying to push you away." I tell her. She listens. " I lied so you would start to hate me."

" You seem to lie a lot. You must really want me to hate you." she murmurs.

" I do. And I found that it may not be the best approach. Not even the easiest." I said. I sighed. " Telling you that took me a lot of will power."

"And what exactly were you trying to push me away from?" Rikku asks me.

" Something I thought wouldn't be healthy for me or you." I say. She looks quizzically at me.

" Look, Rikku, I don't know what the hell got us here. A cigarette and a smile. A touch and a kiss. A bite and a scratch" I smile at the thought of our intimacy. " We were so … quick come to each other. Whether on purpose or not. You tore through my walls, and I think I did the same with yours. The whole predicament has me reeling. But I couldn't say a word. Still can't find the words."

" To say what?" she asks me. I stopped walking and turned to face her. Apparently my leg span is bigger than hers. I was a bit in front.

I looked her dead in the eyes when I spoke. "I'm sorry."

" For what?" she inquires.

" we fell like a house of cards for one another, despite consequences. We took a big risk taking it so far. And now all I can say is...I apologize. I love you to no end and I'm sorry."

" You love me….and you sorry? Why are you sorry for loving me?"

" Because now it has to end. I have to leave." I say and I keep walking. I suddenly felt anxious again. She kept in step.

" Leave?….to where?….when?" I hear her ask.

" To rehab….tomorrow morning." I say. This time she stops walking. I turn to her.

" And you wait until now to tell me?" she sounds hurt. I'm still hurting her. I'm always hurting her.

" I wanted to leave a clean break. Make you hate me instead of you missing me….but I now know that that isn't fathomable. I had my time in refuge. In your arms. Now it's time to pay the price. I have to leave you. This has to end. I knew this time would come. I knew this couldn't last. And yet I still feel the same about you"

" Why does this have to end just because your going away?" she asks me. And that was a question I didn't expect. But I was ready with reason.

" it's a 6 month long program." I say and her eyes kind of widen but then go back to normal. " I refuse to let you wait for me. Ruining other guys', much better than me, chances."

" And I refuse to let you tell me what to do. What if I only love you? You only love once Gippal." She tells me. And I can only hate myself.

" You have so many experiences ahead of you. College, the rest of your senior year, and you don't need to spend it waiting on me. I don't even know if I'll come back here. Its in Arizona….I've been a few times, a place I could learn to live with." I was just making excuses now. And she knew it.

" I love you, Gippal. That won't go away. Now if I have to wait, I will. If I have to move to Arizona with you, I will. I promise. I'll still love you in 6 months, I promise." she walks up to me. And were inches away. There was no deferring her. But I still didn't want her to wait on me. It wouldn't feel right.

" Don't make promises," I say as I reach out and pull her body flushed against my own. Her heat somehow sooths my own. I look into her emerald eyes and they sparkle in the moon light. Reading me in every way possible and making me long to give them so much better than myself. Yet also wanting to have them look only to me. Be mine. Covet their owner for my own.

" but- " she begins to say but I put my finger on her lips in a subtle pacifying action.

" No promises. No buts. Just one request." I say in a tone just above a whisper.

" Anything." She tells me.

" Be with me until I leave." I ask of her. She only responds by moving my finger,

Kissing me in a way that could make a man's knees buckle.

---

10 minutes later.

We were barely able to make it half way back to the house. I told Rikku to hold on and we walked back to the house in a very quickened, heated pace. I followed her up the stairs two-by-two. I didn't care which room we took, hers or mine but apparently she went for mine. I closed the door behind me and in an instant she had her legs wrapped around my waist and her fingers wrapped in my hair. Our lips never left each other's. I let my hands roam every inch of her body. Trying to take a mental image to last me a lifetime. I walked us back to the bed and dropped down when my shins hit the bed. She and I bounced a moment and it only made the heat between us rise. She unwrapped her legs from around my waist as I went to take off her jacket. I tossed that behind me and my hands slid under her tank top. Her skin was just as velvety as I remember. Maybe smoother. I needed air and moved to kiss her neck. Her pulse jumped beneath my lips. Her hands left my hair and she began to crawl back. I didn't follow. I just kissed down her receding body. My hands slid from under her shirt and took the rim of her pajama shorts. My lips grazed the skin I slowly exposed as I took down her shorts, taking her yellow cotton underwear with it.

Her moans were intoxicating. Her hands once more found my hair. I closed my eyes and embraced the tickle of her fine hairs against my own. I hadn't shaved this morning. She didn't mind. I didn't care. I pulled her bottoms off all the way and tossed them in the general direction of the coat. I let my hands caress her thighs as I kissed her nether lips in gentle way that made her shiver with pleasure. Once her legs were spread in a way that could accommodate my upper body, I let my tongue run across her lips and she contracts under my tongue. I want to taste her, I let one of my hands spread her and I let my mouth do the rest. Sucking, kissing, licking, biting, penetrating. I made love to her with my mouth until she came and then once over again.

She begged no more, but I wasn't even remotely close to being done with her. I had her moaning my name 3 more times until she was practically swollen. Each time I licked her clean. Her knees would of buckled if I wasn't holding her thighs apart. I licked my lips as I came up and scooted up to kneel between her legs. I looked down at her and saw her quivering lips as she came down from her last high. I wanted her to taste the sweetness I had tasted. I leaned down , my hands bracing my weight just above her shoulders, and kissed her with such passion I was burning inside. I let my tongue explore every inch of her mouth.

When I felt her hands pulling my shirt up, I was frustrated. I wanted her skin on mine too but I'd have to leave her mouth to let her take off my shirt. But it was okay. I had all day and all night to feel her skin on mine. I sat up, pulling her lower lip a bit between my teeth as I did, and pulled my tank off. I didn't fling it, I let it fall to the side if us. I watched her hands go for the drawstring to my jogging pants and it turned me on. I wanted her hands to feel me. I took one and guided it down a bit and watched in amusement as she bit her lip at the feel of my hot bulging member. She knew she was in for quite a run-around.

I watched her watch me. It was a sexual desire building. Almost animalistic. I felt like a predator sizing up their prey. I wanted this chick more than I could describe. My blood boiled by the way she looked at me. Her touch gave me goose bumps. Made me quiver in pleasure when she caressed the contours of my abs with her finger tips. This chick was more deadly than heroin. But at the same time…made me feel alive.

I was taunting her, as she was I. For about 10 minutes I just let her touch me. Caress me. Arouse me. She had a desire in her eyes I couldn't stand not to want. Every part of my being was reacting to this ….woman. And I loved it. She let one hand grip me in a rough manner and I couldn't believe the growl that came out. I can't remember the last time I 'growled' during intimacy with a woman. I don't remember EVER growling. Groans of plenty but never growls. In my moment of thought, she pulls my jogging pants down a bit. She doesn't get it over my hips before I feel the need to kiss her. Hold her. Stroke her. Dominate her. Have her. Absorb her. Love her. Fuck her crazy. My mind was spinning yet holding still at the same time. Fuck my mind. I didn't want to think. I just wanted to be with her. Etch a fiery image in my mind.

She definitely wasn't expecting me to lung at her. I trapped her under me like a lion who had just caught a helpless fawn. Pinned her under me and grinned at the shock look she gave for a quick second. Her eyes slowly grew into passion. I found my gaze lowering to her throat. The pulse that thumped under that satiny smooth skin. I moved to kiss her neck and find myself nibbling, licking, and sucking her neck until she began to squirm under me. I felt her hands begin to slowly pull down my jogging pants. Of course she couldn't get it off me. I kicked them off for her, getting them over my hips using one of my hands. I was glad that this was one of those nights I went commando. There was nothing keeping our heats apart and we both winced at our meetings. I was working on one spot of her neck that made her whine in pleasure, my hands sliding to her back to work on her bra clasp.

She wrapped her legs around my waist, impatiently wanting me to be in her. I had to admit I needed to be in her just as badly. But this would be the first time we'd have been together since …. A while. I think the last time was that night she got high. And you cant really count that night because I was the only one sober. And I did regret that night. Taking advantage of her like that. It was still on my mind, although not the heaviest. But tonight…. She and I were both in our right minds. Both knowing what we want.

" Gippal…" she whined. She gyrated her hips against me as I sat up a few inches to take off her bra. Never removing my mouth from her skin.

" I know….but not yet…" I say being kisses. I moved to another spot on her neck. Closer to her collarbone. I probably left a hickey on her neck. And I planned to leave plenty more.

"… I cant wait any longer…" She whines in a sultry moan. Her hands grip my shoulders. " please…."

" No…. wait…" I chuckle. I continue my delicate descent of hickey making kisses down to her breast and let my lips graze the goose bumps forming. My room must have been freezing to her. But it was a wonderful temperature to cool down my fuming body.

" …bastard.." she gasped when I took one of her puckered peaks in my mouth. I only grinned and pulled it between my teeth.

I only chuckle.

She sighs in frustration but arches into me to give me better access. I kiss her succulent mounds in joyful worship. Leaving bites and light marks that will probably show later today. Her body was a temple and I served as a loyal worshipper. I kissed every inch of her. Loved every inch of her. For this moment, she was mine. _Mine…_I was going to miss the sound of that.

When I finally came up for air she was blushing, panting, wriggling beneath me. I feel a burning desire in my stomach at the site. I decided I had made her wait long enough. I reach out and feel for my nightstand. I feel for the drawer and reach in for a condom. And once I feel there's a box, I smile. We were in for a long morning, noon, and night.

The moment I enter her sheathed , its like that feeling I got when I entered my first boxing tournament. The adrenaline was miles high, I was in the same mind state. We fought like champs. Rocking our current ring against the wall. Hearts pounding like African drums. We wrestled and fought but in a battle of passion. Neither of us won. Neither of us lost. But in the highest peak of our fiery rumble, I felt a pain in my heart. I wouldn't have this anymore. I wouldn't feel this anymore. I ….I wanted it ….forever.

We deemed a break after what felt like hours of our sheet toss. Exhausted and momentarily spent, she slept soundly in my arms. The cool air of my room made her shiver, so I covered her with the bed sheet. The only thing left on my bed after the rounds we went. I peered down at her beauty in the soft break of dawn. This girl…no… this woman was something. She had came into my life like…as I saw it, an omen. But now all I want in my life is this omen. This archangel of sorts. I want to see her face everyday. Hold her every night. I …don't want to hurt her again. But what do you do when you hurt them by trying not to hurt them? Hurt them on purpose? I tried that and it backfired. I fought I hurt her even more. But what happens if I stop fighting…? What ever happened I knew one thing for sure.

"I love you, Rikku." my whisper is welcomed by a warm grin in her sleep.

I may not have wanted to at first. I may not have saw it coming but… I knew something of this new matter. I knew that …..I could accept it.

I…can accept it…

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

_**---**_

_**Yayay!!! Chappie is done! I like it. I'm satisfied. Next chapter is probably going to be second to last. Wrapping this story up. What are your thoughts from beginning to now? How have they grown? How have they not grown? Any thoughts on the current events? Gippal's rehab? Let me know! Reviews are love! Love me?**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	22. Exhale 11

_A Year Without Breathing_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

**Chapter 22: Exhale**

* * *

_Rikku…_

…_I couldn't without him…_

The Morning Mistress came too soon. Long behind Nocturne's departure. She carried bittersweet goodbyes in her hands and sad kisses on the threads of her golden sunrise train. And all the while a morning soundtrack played to her waltz. Waves softly roaring. Seagulls and morning birds playing the strings of morning's instruments. And I watched with a subtle pain in my heart as the only man I ever truly loved rode away in the back of a pick up truck. He took his luggage. His voice. His laughter. His smile…and my heart.

_-F-_

_Uncle Rin didn't say two words to him when he picked him up. He didn't even help load Gippal's luggage. Buddy helped knowing it would be hard in Gippal's condition. And I sat silently on the kitchen counter as they did it. Nhadala doing the same on a stool by the counter. Uncle Rin went and started the car as Buddy got the last bag. Gippal came and gave me one last hug and a more than spoken for kiss as his goodbye. _

" _Will you at least write?" I asked my lips inches from his._

" _If I can." He tells me._

" _I'll wait for you." I promise._

" _Don't." He orders. Then he turns and leaves. _

_And all I could do was return to the halls that holds memories of him. I walked pass him room and part of me died inside. No source of him. Even some of his books were gone. His bed made. Toiletries most definitely gone. Nothing in that room said Gippal. Not even his scent. It somehow left with him. I couldn't stand it. I went to my room and went to bed. I wanted to be with him. But I settled in my dreams. And that's seems to be where I'll ever see him. _

_-EF-_

The first month Gippal was gone, was the worst. He didn't write. He didn't call. No kind of contact. And everything reminded me of him. I couldn't sleep in my bed because I always felt so small in it. I'd have to make a makeshift bed on the floor. Even though it still didn't help the empty feeling. And I had to give credit to Paine and Yuna. They tried to get me out of the house the second month…and the third…hell they haven't stopped. And I just keep killing the party. I use to be the life of the party. Dancing on tabletops. Kissing all the guys. Now when I come home from those failed attempts of getting my life back, I take walks on the beach. Or just sit on the porch.

Now its been a total of 4 months since he's left and I'm holding on. I have to. it's a very important day for me today. The day I graduate high school. I should be jumping off the walls with excitement. But instead I sit in this car a bit depressed. Doing my best to put on a smile for those who had gotten dressed and we're proud of me and happy for me. Yuna and Paine there with their smiles to keep my heart from dying completely. Buddy and Nhadala, who had become much closer in the months after Gippal's leaving, were even up and dressed for the occasion. Nhadala and I had become closer, she posed as a big sister figure kind of. Buddy as an older brother. And they encouraged me as much as they could to enjoy the day. Uncle Rin had even come to show his support.

But none of this made me happy because _he_ wasn't there.

" _Will you at least write?" _

" _If I can." _

I guess he didn't have time for me. It was silly of me to think he would. He has his hands full with trying to recover. He wouldn't have time for a silly 18 year old girl with feelings she needs to control. But for once I'd like to know how he's doing.

_After graduation ceremony_

" Man, I'm so glad its over. Principal Lectors' speech took forever." Paine sighed as she took her cap off and sat down at the table of the restaurant.

" Oh I know right!" Yuna concurred. And the mimicked him in a deep father time voice. " And further more…"

Uncle Rin had taken everyone out to celebrate the graduates. I tried to smile and enjoy it but Gippal still filled my mind. I listened to the conversation and smiled. It wasn't until we were finishing our desert and I excused myself to the bathroom that I couldn't stand it any longer. I don't know how long I stayed in the bathroom, trying not to cry in that bathroom stall, but I eventually heard the door open and two pairs of familiar black heels come in.

" So the fake smiles finally stop and she hides in the bathroom…" I hear Paine's voice say. I bring my feet up as to hide …like they didn't see me walk in here. But there's no fooling them. The feet stop directly in front of my stall and a slight comes to the door. I don't respond but they know I'm in here by the sniffle I try to muffle.

" Come on out Rikku. We know what's bothering you and we need to talk." Yuna says in a gentler Yunie tone.

So with a sigh I grab some tissue and wipe my tears. I come out the stall to find the two not angry but patient. They wait for me to wash my face a bit and dry it off. And when I turn to face them I see Yuna and Paine look at me with a slight anticipation for something.

" We know you've been unhappy since Gippal's left." Paine began.

" And we know you haven't heard from him since he's left but….."Yuna says but then stops.

" We have." Paine finished for her. And I'm sort of out of it. Did they just say Gippal has spoken to them? How? Did he call?

Just then Paine looks to Yuna who pulls a small white envelope from her gown sleeve. She had been holding it. She steps forward and hands it to me. I hesitate a second before taking it but I bring myself to do it.

"He…..he sent you a letter?" I ask. I don't know if they heard me. I cant take my eyes off the letter to see their response. I felt as though I was holding my world in my hands.

" Read it, Rikku." Yuna's voice says. And my hands cant move. My eyes cant move from it. I'm frozen. What would this letter say? Tell Rikku I'm sorry but I don't love her anymore. I'm moving on with someone else and I never want to see her again….or….I need her?

Just then someone takes the letter from me. I look up to find Paine. She leans next to me on the counter as she takes out the letter. Yuna comes to my right side and holds my hand supportively.

" It says…" Paine clears her throat as she unfolds the letter. And even as she read it I heard Gippal's voice as if he was right next to me. Reading his words directly to my ears.

" _I didn't really know how to start this letter. If I should have said 'dear' or 'to whom this may concern'. So I opted for no formal letter greeting. But still Hey. I understand we aren't the closest of friends, if we are friends at all, but I'm suppose to write to everyone in my life the last 2 months. And you were there technically. Both you and that Yuna girl. You were Her best friends. And that's why in this letter I simply ask one thing. Make her move on from me. _

_I know this may sound selfish or stupid but I don't want her to love me. I don't deserve her to. She needs someone much better than me. Someone who doesn't have to leave her to keep from falling apart or hurt themselves anymore/ But mainly someone that wont make her cry the way I did. _

_Believe me when I say that in no way have I ever or may I ever stop loving Rikku. I miss her beyond description but that's my burden to bear. Besides, my love isn't the love she needs. So please, take her out. Help her to keep her head up. Get her to apply to college and meet other guys. Just get her to stop thinking about me. I know it may take a while but there will be no interference on my behalf. I don't plan on coming back to California. I've decided to stay in Arizona for many reasons, Rikku being one. _

_So I think I've rambled on enough. I don't know if I'll write again, or at least anytime soon. But if you do this for me I'll be in your debt. I know she may not be doing great, but I hope she is doing well. Get her to have a genuine smile on her graduation day in a few weeks. And can you give her a huge hug for me?_

_Sincerely,_

_Gippal A. Corvain"_

When Paine stopped reading his words replayed in my head. And everything started to piece together in seconds. Them taking me out all the time and introducing me to all those guys. They were doing what he wanted. Never once telling me they heard word from him. Silently watching me cry my eyes out with hurt and worry. And as all of this is running through my head, Yuna and Paine are trying to elicit a response from me.

" So….Rikku…" Yuna says nervously. I looked to her then Paine. Were they trying to see if I was ok with this? Hell no is what I wanted to shout but something else came out.

" Who else has he written" I ask. My voice calm and low.

"what?" Yuna asks.

" Who. Else. Has. He. Written?" I tried not to raise my voice but I felt my blood boiling. And neither of them would answer. So I stood up and took a deep breath.

:

" Rikku.…" Paine began. But I didn't listen I march right past them and out to the rest of the party of this 'celebration'.

" Rikku, what's wrong?" Uncle Rin asked. When I came to the table he was getting up. I didn't pay him any mind though. Gippal wouldn't have written him…..

" He wrote you too didn't he?" I turned and asked Nhadala and Buddy who had gotten a bit closer since I had left the table.

They didn't respond. They only looked shocked for a second then guilt took over their faces. I turned to Uncle Rin just for the hell of it.

" What about you? Huh? Did he even write you?" I asked him. Uncle Rin pressed his lips and scratched the back of his head. The nervous Gippal scratch….He did.

And when he did I didn't want to hear anything else from them. Any of them. I acted on impulse.

" Give me your keys" I ordered Paine who I knew was behind me with Yuna. She didn't argue. She slowly obliged. I took them and brushed past those two out of the restaurant. I was halfway to Paine's car in the parking lot when Uncle Rin, who along with everyone else who had been calling after me, called out in one more attempt to reason with me.

" Rikku! You have to understand he had you and his best interest in mind." He said and I stopped. No he didn't.

" By what, taking us both away from each other and causing nothing but pain to both of us?" I say. The keys clenched in my hand to the point where I knew my knuckles were white.

" Its not like that. He wanted you to be happy. He knows he's no good for you the way he is. "

" I love him. ALL of him. And I'm not gonna let him just push me away and break both of our hearts just because he thinks he's not good enough the way he is. That he's doing it in our best interest." I say. Tears burn the back of my eyes but I wont cry. I refuse to.

Uncle Rin didn't say anything and I continued to Paine's car. Keys clutched in one hand. The letter in the other. The letter had his return address on it. I'd go there and go there. I hopped in the drivers side and just as I was pulling the door closed someone hopped in. More like 3 people hopped in. Paine sat beside me and Buddy and Yuna in the back.

"Where are we going?" Buddy asked.

" We aren't going anywhere. I'm going to see him and have him tell me to my face that he doesn't love me and deep down doesn't feel like this whole thing is idiotic and pointless" I retort. I start the car and put on my seatbelt expecting them to get out.

" Well you do that but don't think you get to have a road trip without us! Its our graduation celebration. Let us have some fun." Yuna said happily.

I looked at them and knew what they meant. 'We're gonna be there for you no matter if you want us or not. No matter the outcome.' and …silently I thanked them.

" Fine but only because I'll need someone to tip in on the gas. And why are you going Buddy?"

" Hell, I just want to get out the house." Buddy said so serious and Yuna and Paine laughed. I grinned even though I tried to look serious like I was still angry. They were somehow dissipating my anger. But it still simmered below the surface. I would always have that one ember that would never be extinguished. Not unless I have him to do it….

…_Not without him…_

* * *

_**TO BE CONTINUED**_

_**Okay so its taken FOREVER for me to finish this chapter. 3 weeks til senior year. I plan on trying to get up the next chapter before I head back to school or else I will not have it up for a while. But I hope you enjoy this little snipit chapter. I mainly want to get to the next event in the upcoming chapter so this was more of a transition chapter. I'd love to hear your thoughts on where you think this will head to. Reviews are love. Love me? Lol R&R**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	23. Inhale 12

_**A Year Without Breathing**_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**A/N; this will be a chapter from 3**__**rd**__** person. **_

**Chapter 23- Inhale 12**

* * *

…_.just go with it…_

An eternity. That's how long it felt, if not longer, that Gippal had been here. He couldn't distinguish between day and night anymore. They all seemed to merge into one. He no longer saw the sunrise or sunset. He didn't feel the desire to. He just stayed in this little apartment the facility cooped him up in. It was like a halfway house in a way but without as many suite mates. In fact Gippal had privacy, on the days there wasn't random room checks, but he had privacy. He just didn't care for it much. He didn't care for anything much these days. He found himself going through each day just being there.

So this evening was no different. He sat on the couch staring at the TV in his usual pair of sweatpants. He wasn't really watching or listening to anything. It was funny. All he heard was the sound of waves and her giggle. It was ironic how he missed something he was so eager to leave in the beginning. He was dozing in and out of sleep .That was good, maybe he'd get more than 3 hours in tonight. Maybe….

Sighing, he pulled the cover over his lower half. This withdrawal thing was a bitch. He had the chills but he was burning up. So he had not bothered putting on upper body clothing. He even had goose bumps on his arms. He didn't have long to draw on the matter, just as he adjusted, a knock came to his door. He wondered if it were his roommate. That man hasn't been by since yesterday morning. Maybe his visit got approved. Gippal sighed and achingly got up with a grunt.

He didn't bother looking through the peephole before opening the door. The building was well guarded. So when he opened the door, he wished he had looked.

"Gippal…"

This had to be a dream…

A half hour of silence. That's what's occurred since they've sat down. The last thing Gippal expected to find on the other side of the door was the woman he left at that beach house nearly half a year ago. Nor did he expect the confidence and resolve she had acquired in there time apart. He stood there at the door speechless with his mouth open like a clueless pup for a good 5 minutes before she invited herself in. She closed the door, saying they needed to talk and went into the kitchen. He in a dumbfounded manner followed and took her lead in sitting at the table. This is where they were this moment. He didn't know what to do, what to say, or even if he should move. So he just looked at her. She looked gorgeous.

He noticed she had on a short white dress. Her eyes looked as though she hadn't had much sleep. Her hair was disheveled and no one had looked any more angelic. She was absolutely ravishing. He could just…. Wait she said something. Her lips moved. He told himself to focus.

"W-what?" He managed to choke out like an idiot.

"I said, why aren't you saying anything?" She repeated.

"Just what do you want me to say exactly?" He cocked an eyebrow, regaining a bit of his nonchalant demeanor.

"Well we can start with how you've been writing everyone but me…' She suggested ever so boldly.

"It was a part of my therapy."

"So you don't think I would be included?"

"No I don't. "He leans back in the chair

"That's bullshit." She leans back as well.

"That's life." He shrugged.

"You told me you would write."

"I said I'd try."

"Well you obviously didn't want to try that hard!" She got a bit louder.

"Maybe I didn't." He shrugged nonchalantly but his eyes showed his calm anger.

"And why not?" He gave no answer.

"I can't believe you… You don't know what I went through in those months you've been gone." She sat up annoyance evident on her face.

"OH! This is rich!" He laughs cynically. He knew this fueled her fire. He wanted to.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" She glares.

"It means that whatever you've come for you're not getting so you might as well leave because we're done here." He glares back.

"And go back to what? I came for answers and I'm damn sure not leaving until I'm satisfied. You act as though you've been peachy keen without me."

"Of Course! Well first off, Withdrawal is a breeze once you get used to it. You barley notice the chills, random urges to vomit up your organs or sleepless nights! What the fuck do you think I've been going through? What do you want from me? I don't have answers for you. " He stands , thrusting the chair back in his sudden movement, because he was about to lose his cool.

"Well you act like you're fine when I show up when I'm dying inside!"

"And I'm not?" Oh shit. He said too much. He gave her too much.

'_Stop while you're ahead._' He told himself. _'Or behind.'_

"Look, all you're doing is badgering me. The most I can give you is a good fuck and send you on your way but don't expect more than what I left you with. If that's not enough I can put an end to it now and kick you out rudely and involuntarily." He says. She scoffs, like he used to do. It was funny.

He leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms. It was the least he could do from throwing something. But her tone didn't help. She had even risen from the seat she sat in.

"Why are you pushing me out? Huh? You forget that I've seen this side of you. Answer me! I'm not taking silence as an answer. First you leave and say everything is reconciled and that you care for me. Then months pass and you write everyone but me! Now you're so intent on getting better but you're avoiding me like I haven't been through some serious shit with you. Now answer me!" Rikku fusses. Her tone gets louder with each demand. She also steps closer to him. He just looks at her. He doesn't move or say a word. He just looks at her.

Hate didn't show in his eyes. There was no apparent emotion. But Rikku fumed. She couldn't take his nonchalant attitude any longer. This isn't what she came for. She loved this man so much it hurt and he has nothing to say? This made her burn. So much so that as soon as Gippal spoke her reaction was reflexive.

"Are you do-"

SLAP!

No sound came after the fleshy echo that cracked through the apartment. After the blow, Gippal was frozen in the direction of the slap with an already forming red hand print on his cheek. He showed no emotion on his face still but his eyes seemed to be in thought. She didn't give him a chance to respond or move and hit his chest with a balled up fist.

"Answer me!" She insisted.

She repeated it a few times as she continually beat his chest with her fist. He stumbled back only a little at first. As her eyes began to glisten with angry tears her attention to his position lessened. She was almost in complete tears. That was before she suddenly found herself hard pressed against the refrigerator with two strong hands holding her firm by her forearms. She didn't have a chance to remember her anger because a pair of lips that were much fiercer was pressed against hers in an intense kiss that even the hottest of lovers would find mind-blowing.

It took his breath away. He felt as though he had just gotten a dose of what his body has been yearning for nonstop. It was potent. It was real. It was undeniable. It was love but stronger; Hate but gentler; Sadness but louder. This wasn't something either of them was ready for. He hadn't even planned for this kiss and now this is thrown at him. He didn't find himself stopping in fear. He found himself delving deeper. His hands caress her thighs which are now free of the dress that occupied her waist now. Her legs enveloped him and ankles crossed just above his cheeks. Her hands intertwined in his hair and she kissed him back just as fierce. This chemistry they had that had gone ignored for months was coming back with a fiery vengeance.

Before he knew it, he had ripped her panties off and divested himself of his sweatpants. They pooled around his ankles. A moment of electricity passed through them as his heat touched hers and it went to the core of them both. They both knew by the way he throbbed that he'd lost control of himself. Even if he managed up enough mind to ask his body to stop it wouldn't happen. He took it as a white flag for the moment. She took it as a victory for the war. Either way it went he didn't think twice about sheathing himself inside her. He knew it had been a while since he had sex but he wasn't sure about her. That was until he felt the tight contractions of her as she clenched him.

He took a moment to feel her. He was going crazy inside. His mind spinning and he couldn't form any thoughts. He breaks their kiss and lets their mouths linger. Breaths hot and heavy, it was a moment nothing could break. He opened his eyes and found her looking at him through slightly opened eyes. He saw something there that made him hate himself all over again yet made him want her more. There had to be something wrong with him.

"I…" Gippal began to say but Rikku put one finger to his mouth and shushed him.

He eyed her carefully then let his instincts take over. There would be time for talk after he got this urge out the way. So he slowly parted his lips and let her finger feel just the inside of his lips. At the same time, his hips began to move in a slow rhythm. Their eyes never left each other. It was a sensual moment they had never done. He loved it and she felt it. The only sound that went on for a moment was there breathing and an occasional moan. Her eyes began to flutter shut as he leaned in to kiss her neck. There was nothing that could be said in this moment. But there was much to be done.

He had her against the refrigerator very sensually. He took his time rocking her but it doesn't mean it was gentle. He took out anger slowly. The results were in the way the fridge rocked with his thrusts, the way she moaned in ecstasy when he murmured things in her ear. They were never full sentences but his angry tone turned her on. She didn't just sit there and take his sexual anger without giving him her own. Her hands trailed down his back, her nails raking his back and it made him growl. She wanted to hurt him and pleasure him at the same time. She wanted to show him how much she's missed him but also give her anger for leaving her and doing this to her. If he thought he was getting out of this with lying to her and himself he had another thing coming. But it seemed neither of their minds was on their own resolves when the climax approached. Gippal thrust harder and picked up his speed. He rocked her and the fridge so hard it thundered through the apartment. She bit her lip to keep from crying out, her toes curling in pure ecstasy. Her head tilted back only for a moment before she felt a him nudge his nose along her chin to get her to bring her lips back to his access.

He pressed his lips to hers as the energy built up. She felt as though her lips may have been bruised by the way they were kissing. Her heart may explode from the pace it was beating. She may pretty much explode if this kept on. He was no less feeling the same. He couldn't have gotten to that release fast enough. When it came, no pun intended, both lovers moaned out. Neither were able to continue the kiss in the intensity of the climax. Rikku felt the way Gippal gripped her legs, burying himself deeper in her core. This movement caused her to gasp ; she broke the kiss for the moment. He tried to reclaim the kiss but the waves that went through him only kept his mouth a millimeter from hers. They breathed in each other. And like that he felt that pang of love he tried to forget.

He came down first, opening his eyes finally feeling as though he had woken up from a great rest. He waited a minute to make sure she was finished then disconnected himself. He attempted to play off his slight stumble as he brought her down and backed away. She slumped against the fridge as he turned to readjust himself in his sweatpants. Rikku readjusted herself as well. It took a minute to notice he had said something.

"What?" She asked not realizing the shake in her voice. She regretted it immediately and tried to swallow o fix the hick.

He cleared his throat before speaking again. "I said you have to go."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "I don't think you've realized it yet. But I'm not going anywhere."

"Rikku…" He shook his head walking out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"Rikku my ass! I'm sick of your bullshit 'my way is final' thought process and I refuse to let it go this way! "She followed him. Her focus back on.

"And I-" He began but she didn't let him get a word out edgewise.

"And you need to shut the hell up and let me finish. I know you're going through a whole revelation point in your life but this has gone on far too long. You have to accept the bad and the good. And mind my usual humble stance but I'm a damn good thing in your life! I love you, unconditionally. When you were at your lowest I was there."

"Can I get a word in?"

"No! Screw you."

"You just did a few minutes ago!" He counters.

"Ugh, you're an arrogant son of a bitch! Always trying to get passed with smart remarks."

"Look, all we're doing is arguing. I tried to end this on a good note but you're persistent. You're a pain in the ass I tell you! And that's 99% of the time!" He doesn't hide his anger. Neither does she.

"So what?" She crosses her arms like he has. Mocking him.

"So what? What do you mean so what?"

"So our match isn't made in heaven. But it's real. It's not always going to be easy and sometimes it'll be really hard. Some days we may want to kill each other but we are going to work at it. Every day. I'm willing to do it because I want you. I want every bit of it, us. And you know you do too. You're just afraid of the work. But you CAN'T take the easy way out!" She pours out her heart. And he groans and shakes his head.

"I'm not taking the easy way out. There is no easy way. Either way one of us gets hurt. "

"STOP IT! Now you're being stupid. Neither of us was hurting when we were together. Nothing we couldn't handle."

"You tried heroin! I made you hurt. I caused Nhadala the same hurt before and now I was doing the same to you. I made you go through the pain of watching me almost overdose. Uncle Rin is right when he said I was no good for you."

"Would you stop thinking about what everyone is feeling? Stop thinking about what I go through because I can handle it. Or what he says. None of that matters! What do YOU want? What do you WANT?" She comes closer with her words. He can't say anything for a moment.

Then he manages, "It's never that simple."

"No it is." She gets closer. "What do you want?"

He looks away. Avoiding her gaze but she still comes closer.

"What…do …you…want?" She reaches him and reaches on her tip toes slowly. Her lips inches from his. Her hands touch his chest and for a moment he knows. Only for a moment though.

"Go." He held her back. She felt a pang. All her efforts and he still denied her. He still denied them.

She back away for a moment. She was about to wave her white flag but as she turned to leave she decided she wanted just one thing. Just one answer and she'd give it a rest…for now. She'd regroup and try again soon. Just wanted one thing first.

"Tell me…..why didn't you write me? You may have decided that day you left that it was over but it wasn't over for me. I waited for you for months…" She closed her eyes. Was she going to get an answer?

When he didn't say anything after a few minutes she sighed and headed to the door. As soon as her hand touched the doorknob though, he spoke.

"I wrote you over 200 letters. I won't you every day for 6 months…. Sometimes twice a day. " He admitted.

That shocked her. She turned to look at him in awe. "You wrote me?"

"Yes…." He said. He looked down then back at her with a revelation. "It wasn't over for me….It still isn't over..."

She didn't have time to think or say anything because once again she was pressed against something, this time the door, with his lips pressed to hers. His arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close. She knew…she had won. This love of theirs was like the wind on a summer day. It was like rain in the desert. It was natural. It was rare but when it happened it was good. You just have to go with it…

_.…just go with it…_

* * *

_**Hello readers! It's been ages since I've updated, I know. But I've been busy. With life. Its summertime now and I can focus on my stories. I'm happy to say this is the last actual chapter of AYWB…no wait it's not and I'm not happy. I'm sad. There will be an epilogue and then it's over. I may do like ADW and put one shots here and there. My next goal will be to finish the epilogues for AYWB and ADW2. Then I'm moving on to CAB. I will try to stay focused but it's hard with my attention span- OH LOOK ITS ITALIC! But uh…. Yeah. My short attention span has me jotting down new story ideas already. Bear with me, I'll try my hardest to finish. So…..yeah. Tell me how you like the chapter. Reviews are love…love me! Plz? **_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi **_


	24. Breathe Again

_**A Year Without Breathing **_

_**He was a 21 year old recovering addict. She was a out of control 17 year old. When his uncle asks him to take her in after the death of her dad, they'll both find out what it means to go a year without breathing….**_

_**Epilogue: Breathe Again**_

* * *

"Eight! Nine! Ten!"

Ding! Ding! Ding!

"And Baralai is down! IT'S OVER FOLKS! The crowd is going wild! The KING OF THE RING IS BACK!"

Cheers and roars could be heard through the halls, echoing through the arena and probably down the block. All over one man who had just won back his middleweight Champion Title back. The fight had been tough and the hits hard but in the end it was his infamous right hook that did the job. And as he stood in the center of the ring, holding his belt like the true champion he had just proven to be, the crowd chanted his name with a vigor he hadn't heard in almost 2 years.

"GIPPAL GIPPAL GIPPAL!"

The cheers didn't cease. As he left the locker-room, the fans were lined up to his tour bus' entrance waiting to get a glimpse of the champ. He felt amazing. Really he did. But he at that moment only wanted to hear the voice of one person, who he had been missing ever since he left for this fight 2 weeks ago.

"Hello?" A soft feminine voice said like music to his ears. He pulled out his cell as soon as he got on his bus and pressed the speed dial.

"Man," He groans a sexy groan that even he couldn't stop at the sound of her. He wishes he had since he was on the bus with his coach and crew. He gets up and heads to a seat at the back of the bus. "I've missed that voice."

"Well, if it isn't Mr. Champion. I heard you made a fight for the record books tonight."

"I told you I'd bring you home that belt, baby." He chuckles. She sighs in return.

"You've been gone forever." She says quietly.

"I know…" He agrees.

This has been the longest he's been away since that night at the rehab. She literally moved down there the next day. They got an apartment together in Arizona after he got out of the rehab and have never been apart more than a few hours, or at most a day, since. He's been gone for a few weeks training. He smiles at the thought of their cohabitation. It was amazing. Sure in closer quarters they had their problems and quarrels but that with every couple. She hates how girls throw themselves at him since he's reappeared in the lime light. The fan mail is sometimes absurd. When a package came with a pair of rather provocative underwear with a playboy like picture attached, he got hell. He forgot to throw it away and they fought for hours. He finally got tired of yelling and threw her on the couch to sort it out. That's how most of their fights ended. They'd yell until they were tired and then he broke her off. It was clock work. If they didn't fight every now and then he'd be worried.

He of course, had his faults and unintentionally gave her reasons to be mad at him. Sometimes he'd do it on purpose just for the make-up sex. If it was one thing he loved just as much as being with Rikku period, it was their make-up sex. When they were upset and had the hots for each other, the sex was …almost indescribable. Just thinking about her made him a bit stiff. He needed to get off this bus quick. But it was another half hour until they reached the hotel. So to take his mind off it, he made small talk. The talk mainly consisted of what she's been doing since he left and how her schools work was going. He avoided sex puns as much as possible for his own sake.

They finally pulled up to the hotel in Las Vegas. Gippal was too happy to get off the bus that he almost didn't notice the fans that were on the side in a crowd. The bus blocked the rest of them. He did, however, noticed the sultry clad fans who swooned as he walked by. He only noticed because one grabbed his coat. His guards had to help him away. It was only then that he noticed Rikku had said something, which he almost missed again when he walked into the Palms.

"I'm sorry, what did you say, baby?" He managed to get out.

"I said have you gotten to your hotel yet?"

"Yeah we just got here. Outside is crazy, but you need to see this place, Ri. It's a swanky ass place."

"I was too busy hearing the girls scream your name. I hope they all stayed outside, with their underwear." She sounds as though she's frowning.

"Forget about them. They're outside with all their clothing." Gippal says. That got a look from his coach but then he realized Gippal was still on the phone with Rikku. He sighed and handed Gippal his hotel key. Gippal took it and lugged his duffle bag over his shoulder, heading to the elevators with a few other members of his entourage that were on his floor. It was Nooj, his manager, and Shuyin the rookie on boxer they brought with them for his experience.

" Yeah Yeah Yeah."

"Don't be mad. I don't need this to spoil the night. Let's celebrate our way, as soon as I get to the hotel room." He says quietly in the closed quarters. The men made mushy faces at him mockingly. "I'm going to send you some pictures on my phone when I get a chance. It's amazing."

"No nee-"

"Shut up!" Gippal chuckled hitting Shuyin. He coughed and held his arm jokingly. Then Gippal realized he said that loudly. "Not you baby! What were you saying?"

"I said no need."

"But, Rikku, its ….not something I can describe as easily." He said. The elevator doors opened to their floor. Gippal looked like an excited little kid. He makes his way to his room number

"Haven't you been in fancy hotels before?"

"Yeah, but I haven't been in one in a maybe 2 or 3 years. It's always cool seeing one." He opens the door to his suite and walks in. His grin widens. He looks at the pool then to the furnishings and the night view of the city. "Baby, they got me in a penthouse suite! It has a freaking pool on the patio!"

"I'm sure it's a sight to see." She says. He hears the smile in her voice.

"I know. They really did goof seeing how they're going to have me here for a few days doing press and events. "He readjusts his duffle bag. " This place is amazing."

"Hmm…." She sighs.

"I'm going to go put my stuff down then set up the chat, baby, then you can see for your-" He says as he heads to his bedroom but as soon as he opens the door something quite…beautiful caught his eye. Lying in the middle of his bed, wearing nothing but his team's jacket that hung open for all glory to be seen, was the woman he had been yearning to be with for the past few weeks.

"Is there any other sights you like about the place?" She asked through the phone.

He grinned. "Most definitely."

"And what do you think?" She asked.

He paused. Then with a slight smile, he dropped his duffle bag and walked toward the bed slowly. He closed the phone and tossed it aside as well. Just as his knee touched the edge of the bed and he began to crawl over the petite figure. A hand touched his stomach and it clenched, making him so aroused. He groaned and looked into those radiant green eyes.

"I think we should get this started up before my girlfriend calls back." He grins. She giggles and leans up to nip his bottom lip.

"You better be ready for a few more rounds, Mr. Champion."

"I've been waiting for these rounds for weeks." He says before claiming her lips. And those were the last words said between the two for quite some time.

**ooo**

Any sound made that wasn't coming from a soft pair of pink lips was falling upon deaf ears. Gippal was too wrapped up in Rikku to even notice if the sky was falling. And those words could be taking in more than one. He was on his back with her on top of him, riding him to his extent. He was buried to the hilt in her, grinding himself into her. His hands caressed her thighs as hers braced against his chest. She could probably feel how hard his heart was beating. He felt his lungs heaving for air, and the cuts and bruises he had from the fight were long since hurting, but he wouldn't break this kiss for the world. Her lips molded to his so perfectly. His tongue came out and touched her lip. He asked for entrance, that she teasingly kept from him. His mind might have been spinning but he caught on.

Flipping them, he gained the upper hand and broke the kiss. She moaned in disapproval and it got her to part her mouth for a second. She took in a deep breath that mingled with his in its release. He pulled out of her for a moment, and then thrust back into her with an intense beat that got her to cry out his name. He let his hands grip under her knees and pulled her into each thrust. She gripped the sheets am arch into him. They had tossed this bed all around and nowhere near the head board now. The sheet she gripped was also wrapped around his calf muscle. He didn't like how it pulled him a bit. It was messing up the flow. He released her knees and took the sheets from her, replacing them with his hands. The intertwining of their fingers, him pressing her deeper into the comfy large king bed, grinding himself into her just to slow down the coming of that peak, it was all too intimate for words. He watched her. Her eyes were closed and she bit her bottom lip to the point where he knew it would hurt later.

He paused his movements. Just to get a chance to look at her made him breathless. He feels like the luckiest guy in the world just to have her. Their relationship wasn't always a walk in the park, the past events proof, but he had never felt so connected to someone before. She accepted his flaws and all. She was the one who convinced him to start training again. She was at every practice and match she could make it to, cheering him on. She stayed with him through his withdrawal, and that alone was a trial; for the person withdrawing and everyone around them. There were some days where he would just lay in bed, because he was too sick to do anything else. Or when he was in pain for no reason and had a horrible mood, despite him lashing out at everyone, she'd still make him a bowl of strawberry ice cream and offer to sit with him. There was even once where he was just fed up with the whole withdrawal and became violent towards her. He didn't hit her. He'd never hit her. But she isn't one to be pushed around and… it got bad. He shuddered at the thought. That's when Rikku caught his attention again.

"…wha…what's….what's wrong?" She manages to pant out. She tried to untangle her fingers but he held her firm.

"Nothing." He says. He comes back to reality and decides to tease her a bit. He pulls out of her completely and lets his hard pulsating member slide against her heated swollen flesh. She gasped at the movement and squirmed underneath him. He liked it, chuckling as he did it again with the same response.

"Oh come on. Don't do this" She moaned.

She search for his tip, try to arch and have her way. But he moved with her and avoided her which made him rub against her more. He licked his lips at the sight and feel of her efforts. She was wet, which had his shaft wet from being in her already. It was a sensual thing that he swore he had to do more often. She whimpered out of pent up ecstasy and he chuckled. Leaning down and pressing his engorged himself against her, he took this time to kiss her how he wanted. She tasted so sweet when his tongue explored her mouth. She moaned into him and it in turn made him moan. At this rate he might cum outside of her. Not how he wanted or liked to. So he caved. But he caved his way.

"Fine" He grunted. He took some pressure off between them. It was just enough space for what he wanted from her. He let one of his hands slip from her grasp, down her arm and caressed her breast. He moved to kiss her neck and she moved her head to allow him more access.

"Put it in." He whispered. She gasped when he nipped her collarbone then kissed back to her shoulder.

"What?" She panted out. Her body arched into his as he let her second hand go. It moved down to her other breast and he gave them both a good squeeze. She moaned in pleasure.

He kissed back up to her earlobe and pressed his lips against her ear, loving how soft every inch of her was. "Put. Me. In."

He whispered it so roughly and erotically that it sent shivers down her spine. She moved her hand in between them and reached down to him. With his mouth still pressed against her ear, she felt his breath and heard his struggle for sound when her hand caressed him. She teased the tip of him with her thumb before searching for her entrance blindly. He groaned and moved his hands under her knees once more but from the inside, caressing her on his way there. When she finally managed to get him to her entrance, he turned her into a human pretzel. Her legs went to rest on his shoulders and he thrust into her.

He pumped slowly at first, letting their rhythm readjust. She couldn't see straight when that rhythm finally caught on. His pace picked up and she heard his hot grunts and moans in her ear. She felt her peak coming. It was coming fast. And by the way he groaned with each thrust, she knew he was coming to. When she toppled over, she called out in ecstasy. After a few more thrust, he finally slammed into her one last time and soon followed with a loud roar of his own. As they finished, she lay underneath him quivering from the waves of ecstasy as he rocked her through them. He let his tongue run along the shell of her ear gently, which made her squirm. She tensed as the last wave pulsed them became still.

"Wow…" She whispered.

He was thinking the same thing. Being apart always gave them great sex, just from the simple fact that they missed each other's feel. He let her legs come down off his now, sweat slicken shoulders to rest at his sides as he moved to support himself over her using his forearms. His eyes met hers and for a second they merely looked at each other, the person they had been missing for weeks, then her hand came up to his neck. Whilst her fingers slid into his damp blonde hair, she brought him down to kiss her. It was a gentle kiss that said a heap of things; One being that they would not be leaving this bed for a long period of time.

This wasn't a problem for Gippal but it seemed to be a problem to the person who knocked at Gippal's bedroom door that he had left ajar. Gippal hesitantly broke the kiss and looked up to find his coach, Nooj and the rookie, Shuyin. Rikku was too focused on trying to kiss him; managing to bite his bottom lip, that she didn't look back until someone spoke.

"Looks like Mr. Champ here has a victory dinner of his own going on; main course first. What do we need to take him out for?" Shuyin chuckled. Nooj covered a chuckle of his own with a cough. The coach held a stern face.

"Well, we were waiting down in the lobby until we realized you weren't showing up." Nooj said.

Gippal suddenly remembered his agenda for the night but soon lost it when Rikku went back to tempting his attention back to her. She nipped his bottom lip once more and he gave her a quick kiss. He told himself to hold off a second, but she was being quite enticing right now. They were losing his attention fast.

"Something came up" Gippal said through a raspy voice of lust. The pun was caught by everyone but the coach.

"Something big." Rikku murmured to him. He smiled and tried looking back up at them, despite her hands that caressed the back of his neck and back. At her touch, his member throbbed for more.

"You know, you could've at least called and said you had a visitor. We waited in the lobby for an hour. You better be glad I still keep a copy of your key or I'd be pissed off for knocking on your door. You damn well weren't going to answer." Gippal heard the Coach fussing at him but it was going in one ear and out the other.

Rikku hooked her legs together at the small of his back and nipped at his lip again. This time his attention became lost to those at the door. He looked down at her and she had a grin on her face. If it was one thing he and Rikku had developed, it was a lack of embarrassment for their affections; especially in their own space. And he wanted her right now. Nothing else mattered. He leaned down and kissed her. It was deep and sensual; made Shuyin cheer and Nooj blush. He pressed his body to hers and began their rhythm again. It was slow and slick. He didn't know when his coach gave up fussing at him but he caught ear of his final words before they closed the door.

"You two better come up for air by tomorrow morning. We got work to do." Gippal only chuckled and took her onto the next round. They didn't let off for quite some time after that.

**ooo**

The skies had slowly began to turn slight shades of violet when Rikku awoken. Her body felt like jelly and the cause lay asleep on top of her. They had gone long into the night. His phone rang a couple of times but after the third time he reached and turned it off. It was probably people calling to congratulate him. He gave her all his attention. Now she was wrapped in his arms with his face in the crook of her neck. She would be completely content had she not had to pee. She squirmed a bit, feeling his member still deep inside of her. It was limp and she didn't want to do anything to arouse it or she'd never get to the bathroom. So she tried the conventional way of waking him up.

"Gippal." She said softly. She used the arm that wasn't under his pillow to shake his shoulder lightly. He groaned and shifted inside her. "Gippal, I have to pee."

He must have comprehended through his sleep because he tried rolling off her. He forgot he was still inside her though and pulled himself opposite of his member. He groaned and she adjusted to where she can pull off him. He buried his face in the pillow and groaned. She felt bad about waking him up after that. Not to mention the fact that after a big fight she wore him out in the bedroom into the wee hours of the morning. But then she shrugged it off, because he didn't complain a single bit. She slid out of bed and went to the bathroom.

After refreshing herself, she came out the bathroom. His hotel room was freezing to her, so she found his dress shirt on the floor and put it on. The room was dark. She could just barely make out Gippal's light golden skin as the dawn snuck through his curtains. He had readjusted himself with his back to her and his bottom half just barely under the sheet; the only thing left on the bed. His breathing was soft. He slept more soundly through the nights these days but he still had his moments sometimes. She felt him shiver in his sleep or cough. Every hurdle wasn't passed just yet. Sighing, she turned and searched for the button to the curtains she spotted earlier when she came into his suite. She didn't get a chance to find it before tripping over one of Gippal's size 15 shoes.

She had to muffle a curse to try and not to wake up Gippal. Too late. He groaned and she looked to see if he moved. No sign of him moving but his breathing was the same soft sleeping. She heard his yawn as she rubbed her foot.

"Come to bed..." He groaned. He covered a cough and sighed.

"Are you feeling bad this morning?" She asked standing upright. He coughed again.

"I'm fine." He says.

"You don't sound fine."

"Ri, I'm not asking. Get in the fricken bed." He said a bit annoyed.

His voice tried to rise but he coughed at the sensation. He turned his face into the pillow and sighed heavy. He moved to lie on his back, still not opening his eyes, and she finally got a look at him. She could just barely make out a little bead of sweat on his neck and forehead. The room was freezing yet he was sweating…. And he wanted her to come close to him. She knew exactly what this was. She felt her hand against her face, a Popsicle, and he must've turned up the air while she was asleep. He was having an episode. They weren't as frequent but it doesn't mean they didn't happen anymore. But that still didn't mean he could raise his voice to her. Her standing there with her arms crossed told him just that.

He sighed and groaned. His hand washed his face for a second and he caved. "Baby, I'm sorry. Ok? Come back to bed."

"What are the magic words?" She mused. She tried not to smile when he left out a frustrated growl.

"Please, Baby." He finally said.

"The magic words were actually Swedish cheese. But I'll accept your 'Please, baby' because you're not feeling good." She says as she comes over to crawl on top of him. Her legs couldn't touch his through the sheets of the bed, although they were cool.

"You know, we've come a long way." She says after a second of realization. He, in the meantime, tries to find contact with her skin. His hand touched her icy legs and his scorching skin was such a contrast. It surprised her and soothed him.

"What do you mean?" He asked not really paying much attention.

He was more focused on trying to remove the sheet from between them. The more he did, the more of their skin touched. And that included her heat that pressed to his lower abdomen. He was on fire and she was starting another slowly but surely. He absent mindedly listened to her

"We've really changed since we first met." She says. "I mean, don't you think of me drastically different?"

He took a second to respond; still trying to remove the sheet from between them. He was being lazy and trying to do as little moving as possible. When he couldn't and she was still waiting for a response he groaned.

"No." He sighed giving up. "You're still a pain in my ass. You're just one that knows how to be more of a pain in my ass"

"I'm serious!" She pouts and playfully hits his chest. He coughs in response.

"O.K." He gives in with a 'damn 'from the side. He looks at her for a moment and his hand came up to caress her cheek. She smiled and leaned into his hand.

"Yeah we have. In a lot of ways. And it's mainly due to each other. I've never had someone so adamant on getting close to me even though I did everything to build up walls against you. You saw through all that and you somehow got close in your own annoying way. I seriously didn't want you with me when Rin told me you needed a place to stay. But….I slowly but surely fell for you every day in that beach house.

"And I didn't know what was happening at first. I just knew that you were a part of my daily life and I didn't want otherwise. And I was mad about that. I was so use to being a loner that needing you scared me. Because of that fear, I felt like I was suffocating. "

Rikku watched him and he was so serious. She knew where he was coming from but she didn't exactly feel like she was suffocating. That must have been a real trial, minus the addict thing, for him. It explained a lot of his actions.

"Do you still feel like you're suffocating?" She asked him. He simply smiled.

"…No. For the first time in a long time I feel like … like I've just taken my first breathe. So free and pure. So filling and satisfying. After going a year without breathing in that house, I've never felt easier than I do right now. Everything is ok and it's because you're here."

His words hit her heart and she felt her eyes moisten. This was the man who couldn't love himself but loved her more than anything. And she, being exact same, loved him more and more every day. They were each other's breath. With each breath, they took in each other and became more open they either had ever been.

She smiled. "Well, now that you're finally breathing…"

She removed the sheet from under her so their heats touched. He winced at the contact. "Why don't we get you out of breath for a while?"

He grinned and brought her down to kiss her. One thought came to mind. So much could come from a year without breathing…who knew it would be love.

_~Fin~_

* * *

_**Well that's it. No real big comments for this. Too focused on my current writing projects. After I finish the epilogue for ADW2 I'm going to focus on CART and upload two new stories I've been working on. May even do it earlier… Think I will. Lol. Check out my page for my new stories. Hope you loved this story as much as I have. Stay tuned for more to come from me. My imagination will take you for a ride. Ready? **_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Ayata-Ayumi**_


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